


A thousand wishes but none of them can compare to your light

by Xernia



Category: Minecraft (Video Game), Video Blogging RPF
Genre: Animal Death, Arson, Body Horror, Dragon Tubbo AU, Emotional Hurt/Comfort, Eye Gouging, Eye Trauma, Fire, Found Family, Gen, Graphic Violence, Guilt, HEY DID I MENTION GRAPHIC, Hurt/Comfort, Lore on mobs, Lots of self projecting, Manipulation, Minecraft, OOC, Older Sibling Technoblade, Older Sibling Wilbur Soot, Older sibling Tommy, Philosophy, Sad Toby Smith | Tubbo, Self-Esteem Issues, Suicidal Thoughts, THIS SHIT IS VIOLENT IM SORRY BAD INTRUSIVE THOUGHTS, Tags to be added, Toby Smith | Tubbo Needs a Hug, Toby Smith | Tubbo-centric, Unstable Wilbur Soot, Violence, Violent Thoughts, War, Wishes, get ready for life questions, you thought i knew how to write yure dead wrong
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2020-10-19
Updated: 2021-03-02
Packaged: 2021-03-08 19:07:53
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings, Graphic Depictions Of Violence
Chapters: 23
Words: 70,722
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/27021760
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Xernia/pseuds/Xernia
Summary: "I - I genuinely don't know why you do this Tubbo." Wilbur says desperately, grabbing Tubbo's shoulders, "There's nothing else out there! There's people who can hunt you down and yet - you just, you just keep doing it! It's safe within these walls, there's no need to run anywhere!" Tubbo shakes as he stares at his leader's eyes, regret and worry swarm his warm brown eyes, "These walls are safe, I promise. I'll make this place safe for us.""I..." Tubbo clenches his hands, shaking his head, "You can't protect me forever, Wilbur." He replies, looking up to meet Tommy and Wilbur's eyes with a soft smile, "Let me become stronger so I can help protect you! That way, you don't have to keep worrying about me. That way..." His gaze falls down, meeting his torn shoes, "That way... I can be something too..."_Or Tubbo, who is idealized to be weak and helpless is desperate to show that he's more than just some trophy within castle walls.
Relationships: Clay | Dream & GeorgeNotFound (Video Blogging RPF), Clay | Dream & Sapnap (Video Blogging RPF), Clay | Dream & Toby Smith | Tubbo, Toby Smith | Tubbo & TommyInnit, Toby Smith | Tubbo & Wilbur Soot, Toby Smith | Tubbo & Wilbur Soot & TommyInnit
Comments: 199
Kudos: 541





	1. Chapter 1

Tubbo is a man in the army of L'manburg but he's never allowed to go out in the front lines. He's hidden behind the castle walls, mapping out new plans and learning about the world because he had to keep his identity a secret. He was fine with it, learning that the world he was in was not too peaceful if they were at war. He should be used to this by now, a side character but that's fine!

His best friend, Tommy found him in an opening in the forest one day, claiming that he came from an egg that appeared out of nowhere in the blue. He doesn't remember anything about it but now he's here. They say he's a dragon but the only telling sign was the fire he hiccups when he's tired and black horns that curled up near his ear. He shrugs, laughing as he glances at his reflection in the mirror in the library. 

Black horns curled similar to a sheeps and a small tail as thick and as long as his arm as he carried one book to the other side, mindlessly sorting them in order. His favorite dark green shirt was tucked in his dark blue jeans and his dark brown hair was framed perfectly with his bright blue eyes. It was clear that he wasn't human - but he wasn't too sure why he was being hidden. Even when Wilbur, the president, tried to explain to him that he could be hunted for sport - Tubbo considers himself a capable person to handle himself in a fight.

_"Don't even try." Wilbur threatens when he catches Tommy trying to teach Tubbo how to hold a sword properly, "The minute you start stabbing the straw dummy, I'll burn all the fucking weaponry down."_

_Tubbo, a small dragon, only two months old in dragon years, four in human, looks up at Tommy expectantly, "What does fucking mean?"_

Okay so, he's not allowed to...

But he was still very important in the war! He mapped out plans against the Dream SMP and he helped train the horses by brushing them. He helps Niki train the soldiers and tries to get their diets to a healthy amount.

"Auuugh!" Tubbo screams, throwing the books up in the air, "I wanna go do something!" He whines, grinding his foot onto the floor as he sighs heavily, shaking his head as he grips his horns. He waves them around as he looks out the window to see the soldiers returning from the battle, all marching in a single field line. He leans on his right arm, staring at them bored, sighing even louder.

He was so tired of being behind the scenes, making L'manberg shine brighter than it has ever before! Sure, he absolutely adores helping out Wilbur and Tommy. He likes learning from Technoblade but living isolated behind these walls were not doing it for him.Technoblade was traveling distant lands to recruit more stronger soldiers and materials. Wilbur was always busy handling nation affairs and clearing up corrupted noblemen.

And Tommy-

He loves hanging out with Tommy. He likes causing fires and cleaning up bad guys that prowled the streets. He wants to hang out with him, the vice president who was striving to become just like Wilbur. And he admired him for it. He was explosive, shining sun in this dark gloomy empire constantly on the threat of war simply for having land. He was the future. The sun of the new nation.

But Tubbo?

What could he possibly do? A voice in a meeting room where he planned strategies and plans for possible defense. For the attack that come from random areas and from possible natural disasters. He tells them the possibilities and bakes cookies. He smiles and grins as he tries to make everyone smile. He's the moon of their friendship. They go together but never with one another.

He wants to make Tommy proud of him somehow - and yet. As Tubbo glances back in the empty library, the single fire flickering on the candle. He slumps, laughing bitterly as he sets his gaze back to the marching soldiers.

He wants to do _something._

* * *

_"Dragons were mysterious creatures," Wilbur says to him when Tubbo was still as big as a five year old, "They grow incredibly fast. One month would be two years for a dragon and they stop aging when they roughly match the first person they met. They come from eggs and they're incredibly resilient to natural elements." Tubbo's tucked into bed, curled as Wilbur reads from a book, "They come from our minds, they exist solely in our imagination. You're one of the first dragons to come into this world, Tubbo." He pauses, "Along with Technoblade as well, I suppose."_

_It's like a bedtime story. Wilbur was a unified man who knew what was best for his nation, the crimson beanie man who loved to play guitar and sing songs. A man who was just as human as the others cared for Tubbo, the only one who didn't naturally belong. Tommy was laying next to him, already sleeping as Tubbo held his hand. His tail flickers lazily off the bed, as he looks back at Wilbur, imploring him to go on, "Mythical beings that could fly anywhere they wanted to. They could touch the clouds and land back down in one piece. No one knows where they come from but everyone knows that they're incredibly rare."_

_"How come I don't have wings?" Tubbo asks, wondering out loud in which the leader simply chuckles fondly, shaking his head as he turns the page, "What? What's so funny? I think it's be neat if I could fly and spy on people for you...! All I can do is breath stupid fire."_

_"The slightest spark can start off any revolution, don't belittle yourself like that," Wilbur scolds, wagging a finger at him, "I don't know why you have wings while Techno has some. Not many things are known about them."_

_Wilbur a brilliant mind that leads this nation is always dressed casually like a civilian when it's near night time. But in the morning, he always has his fluffy curly brown hair tucked under a hat. His uniform always buttoned up with warm chocolate eyes that told nothing but kind tales. There was this natural aura that seemed calming, more alluring to listen than do fight.. Maybe that's why people are so adamant on taking over this place. Kindness was a weakness, wasn't it?_

_"They're hunted for support, like deers during hunting season. So it's best you stay within the walls in case it happens. Until you get stronger."_

* * *

"Where-" Tubbo squeaks as Tommy drops a hood on him, "Where are we going?"

"We're gonna do some crime, Tubbo, c'mon." Tommy throws on his own hood and grabs his hand, holding it tightly as he glances around the walls, "Wilbur's always got a stick up his arse - he never lets you out, innit true?" He asks, glancing back at the hooded dragon boy.

Tubbo instinctively reaches up for his horns, frowning when they poke out the hood, "They're gonna notice me immediately." He mumbles, looking around, "The hood covers my tail barely if I keep it still."

"Don't worry," Tommy smiles, reaching up to pat the top of his hood, messing up the hair underneath, "I got a plan."

And he trusts him wholeheartedly. His best friend who has a sense of adventure and a fire in his heart, he can smile all the problems away. Even if he pulls pranks or seems a bit mean sometimes, Tubbo knows that when Tommy says something, he absolutely means it. Tommy was an honest person who had a pure heart. When he was determined to do something, he'd do it. He'll make others laugh or he'll help save the day. He's the manliest man he as ever known and Tubbo admires him for it.

But this? This was not what he was expecting.

"Tommy, I know I was all up for it when you told me you had a plan, but was this really necessary?" The dragon grumbles, looking up stupidly at the watermelons they had jammed into his horns so now it looked like he had mouse ears under the hood, "There's sticky juice everywhere! Yuuck!" He wipes some off his shoulders, grimacing as some gets on his hand. Tommy doesn't reply, prefering to hush and move along the walls. His hand is on his back, guiding him along as they sneak out past the unaware guards.

_They're rather unarare, aren't they?_ Tubbo can't help but think, _maybe I should up the guards training regime again..._ He thinks as they go out the walls and into town, connected right out the town. The streets were brightly lit with cobblestone roads. A few people were hanging out bars or some were walking home while carrying stuff in their hands. Horses puffed when they walked past, trampling the ground. 

They take the hidden routes, ones not taken by many travelers. Anyone who catches a glimpse of the dragon were always driven mad. No one else saw it, so surely it's not true. His identity was hidden behind these watermelons - and no one would believe them.

Not a soul.

He quickly disassembles the giant watermelons on his head, letting it mash into bits as he adjusts his hood, sticking to his wet sticky hair. He scowls, rubbing it as his friend continues to be quiet for his crimes. Tubbo knows better than to actually ask him again, knowing they had to be quiet when they did this kind of stuff. While Tommy was doing a good thing by taking him outside the walls, he has to remember that he was also reckless. Despite being the vice president, he still had this vigilant side to him. Even with Wilbur being the capable man he was, there was simply no way he can do everything himself.

That's one of his weaknesses, Tubbo supposes, even though he considers him as a very good leader.

No matter where they looked, there was always clear signs of corruptions. Whether it was illegal brothels or corrupt nobles, you could always find them within the walls of L'manberg. It wasn't safe within the walls and it wasn't safe outside the walls either. That's why he's out here with Tommy, to provide backup when he needed it. Even though he couldn't exactly fight properly, Tubbo could breathe fire (He's been practicing!) and be a lookout when he comes to these areas.

Tommy takes him up to the roof, carefully scaling the walls and checking back if Tubbo was following carefully or not. Tubbo likes running, so he actually always keeps up with him, in which the other always calls him clingy. They reach the top roof door. Tommy immediately shoves a strawberry milk thermos and a small food container packed with cookies that they snagged on the way out into Tubbo's hands.

"Stay here." Tommy instructs as he watches Tubbo inhale a cookie, "I- I don't know how the fuck you just did that."

"Yell for you if anyone comes up? Can't I come fight too?" Tubbo asks, tilting his head as he frowns, "Surely two hands are better than one?"

"No, you'll just get in the way." Tubbo's heart sinks a bit but Tommy quickly replies, shaking his head, "You're too damn clingy. Just stay here, okay?"

"...Okay." He tries not to seem deflated and so he smiles, patting his friend's shoulder, "You got this!!" He needs to be supportive. He grins, patting his shoulder as he sits near the door to open his milk.

Tommy grins back, ruffling his hood again, like a a side-kick's head, "I know I do, I'll be right back."

* * *

If anything, Tubbo likes to read people. He likes to figure out how people think - it's fascinating, isn't it? A rich man will favor his wealth over his family and a wild Technoblade would value materials and fame over losing to some chumps in the army of L'manberg. His battle plans were always approved even if it was carefully tweaked and improved - it was easy to appeal to Wilbur, maybe because the leader had such a soft spot for him, 

Despite coming into the kingdom as a complete stranger, Wilbut was kinda warm to him already? If that made sense? Like sure he came in with Tommy, with his uniform singed with fire - but Wilbur seemed more understanding than scared that their Vice president just brought a strange being into the heart of their nation. 

Wilbur was a confusing fellow if he's being honest. He's weirdly open to new people coming into the nation and he loves an extra hand around town. But he's always constantly being attacked by people around him, like the DreamSMP or that weird goat man he keeps hearing about. He wonders if it's about land disputes or the fact that they have Technoblade on their side. A man known for his anarchy ways and violence. Maybe that's why he seemed so open to having Tubbo on the team, because he loved having an extra rational mind on things. But it never explains why he seemed weirdly protective over him and Tommy. 

Was it because they were like kids to him? Unaware of the world and too ambitious for their own good, lest they have another war on their hands? Tommy - now Tommy was always a wild card. He was an agent of chaos and a part of him wanted to be just like him. But his best friend could handle himself in a fight. Tommy was rational, clever and had a sense of justice. There was always this fire in his eyes that drew the dragon to him - so he wasn't exactly as sheltered as Tubbo was. 

Tubbo was technically only about eight months old, even though he looked as if he was sixteen years old. He was a bit shorter than Tommy so it made it seem like he's weak. But if Dragons were resilient to most elements, wouldn't that also include the element of war? Doesn't that count blades and swords? He was strong enough to handle Tommy in a sword fight most of the time, even if he had to resort to dodging and weaving after he disarms in early in the fight.

But Wilbur was always concerned, telling him to not go past the walls. To not eat too much sugar before bed or to not get into fights with Tommy. And it made no sense. It made no sense because even if he was going to be hunted, can't he protect himself? Shouldn't he be able to learn to protect himself?

Or was he always doomed to being looked down on?

* * *

Technoblade was a Dragon even though the man didn't look anything like it. He had long pink hair tired with a green scrunchie that Niki, the army general, would lend him from time to time. He always had a pig mask on that covered the top of his face. The man had no horns, no tail but he had such brilliant wings that trailed underneath his cape. He didn't particularly find being a dragon fascinating, he seemed almost bored of it. Even if his hands were covered in black scales, as strong as a sword, he seemed tired.

Tired of it all.

"Uhm..." It's been two months since he got to L'manberg when he first sees Techno, decked out in all netherite armor, he's so small compared to him, only reaching his waist at three months, which was six years to human years. He wasn't too sure on how old Techno was, but he always wanted to meet him. He snuck out to meet him at the gates before he could have Wilbur and Tommy hovering over him like a mother hen, fearful of the man eating dog of L'manberg. "H....hi....?"

His famed pink hair was tinted red, like a strawberries while he looks down on him. His expression was covered by the mask that only covered his eyes and his nose, leaving nothing but his lips to tell his mood. And they told absolutely nothing, as the man kneels down to one knee, to match eye level with him. He leans on his arm, tilting his head as he scans him up and down. He purses his lips, sighing, "You're a lot smaller than what Wilbur was telling me about in the letters. Hello." He gives a little wave as Tubbo's eyes light up. "Small..." The older man mumbles, lost in thought.

Oh! So he does know about him! He feels his tail rapidly move like a dog's and Technoblade can't help but glance at it. He notes the horns and the tail, then looks at his black talons and covered wings hiding behind his red cape. "It seems as if you got all the things I don't... The ones that are for decoration and not for war." He stands up, reaching for little Tubbo's hand as he walks inside the castle walls, "Say, have you tried fighting yet? You seem weak, like a rabbit. You can be my right hand man. A better one than that green bastard's right hand man..."

"Bastard?" Tubbo squeaks, nearly tripping as Techno walks triple the size he walks normally, he struggles to keep up, "What's a - what-- aah!" He stumbles, tripping over his own feet and falling flat on the floor. Techno's still holding his hand but he lets go and kneels down again, just staring at him. It felt like he was being watched from every angle but thankfully the streets were quiet and it wasn't like anyone would look at the bloody dog of the empire so boldly.

Tubbo, young and inexperienced back then, feels tears start to bud up. He's confused on what's going on even though he had a plan thought out. He was going to meet the only other dragon he's heard of and he could get to know him. He can learn more about himself - so he's a bit confused on how it resulted in him on the floor, aching from the shock. He stays on the floor, sniffling as he sits up. He looks up at the other dragon who sighs, shaking his head, "I don't know how to handle kids..." He reaches over, plucking up the baby dragon and presses him lightly against his slightly bloody netherite chestplate, rubbing his back in small circular motions as he walks his way back to the castle.

He tucks his head into the shoulder blade, mumbling a small apology as he strides back. Tubbo is dimly aware of how gentle he's holding him now, compared to that hard hand tugging from earlier. His footsteps were luring him to sleep, but when he sees the torches of the front gate, he begins to stir back up when he sees Wilbur yawning near the front gates, holding a guitar in his right hand.

When Wilbur greets Technoblade, he stops and begins gasping like a fish as he snatches Tubbo from him, shouting how he was bloody and dirty from war. How could he dirty a kid, they never formerly even met yet! He squirms squished by his overbearing grip, scrunching his face as he shoves the leader away by his face and gets out, running back inside as he hears Wilbur spew out scolding to a clearly bored man.

* * *

War was a complicated thing, he knew he had to be aware of the consequences if the plans failed. They would take heavy losses and he understood that. It wasn't that they were attacking anyone or instigating any wars. L'manberg was a peaceful place for the most time, however it was in the center of everything. Everyone wanted the land that was leaded by a weak leader, a kind and benevolent leader.

What they fail to realize is that Wilbur wasn't a kind man when he had to be. If anything, they had the upper hand when they realize just who they were underestimating. A man who was kind and lovely to his people yet cruel and violent towards his enemies. Or at least, that's what he hears from Tommy when they go out on long extensions. They always go on long trips when they have to do a land dispute. They're relatively peaceful.

This time... Something went wrong and Tommy came back with a bloody arm and a nearly bashed in head. He's in the infirmary right now, getting treated. They wheeled him on a makeshift bed, wheeling him down to the castle's doctor. Behind metal doors where he sees Wilbur barge out, tucking in his beanie as he storms away.

Tubbo should be by his side.

But he's not.

"What happened!?" Tubbo raises his voice, tears fresh in his eyes, "You said you were a pair! What went wrong?" He asks, desperate as Wilbur dodges him, avoiding his gaze as he walks from the infirmary to his office. To drown himself in his work again - so he doesn't have to answer him again, "Mr. President! Wilbur!" He tries again, grabbing onto his arm and pulling him back slightly. The man stops, covering his face as he glares down beside him, "Wilbur please..."

"Let. go." Raw anger, "Tubbo."

It fills his voice and Tubbo freezes. Wilbur Soot, who was always kind to him. Always lenient and caring towards him and Tommy. For the first time, Tubbo felt afraid of him. 

There's something else in those eyes, ones swirling with mad and war, fire that threatened the peace of this land. Something else past the kind and worrywart of a leader. Something other than worry. Tubbo gulps, shaking his head as he forces himself to look eye-to-eye with him, "Wilbur..." He tries again, gripping tighter with his small feeble hands that can't do anything but comfort.

Wilbur pauses too, maybe realizing his expression, looking away as he tries to hold his breath in an attempt to calm down. He's looking over his other shoulder, breathing deeply, in and out. In and out.

"There was an ambush." Wilbur says eerily calm, still looking away from him, "And despite me telling Tommy to run... He took the hit. They threw rocks at me and..." He sighs deeply, shaking his head, "Tommy, the child, knocked me down so he took the hit. It hit him in the head. He has a concussion."

"I..." Wilbur chuckles, covering his mouth with his other fist, "I..." He trails off, looking at Tubbo finally, his eyes melting back to those warm ones he's so used to, "They won't see it coming anymore, Tubbo. They'll never see it coming." He smiles, looking down at him, "It's what they get for messing with us."

His thumbs are bloody, dried blood only coated the thumbs.

Tubbo swallows thickly, "Did... you..." He shakes his head, letting go as he takes a deep breath, "Let me join you."

The madness in his eyes dissipates, "Huh? What? No-"

Tubbo puts his hand on his chest, "L'manberg is down a man and I know how the system works!" He says, trying to distract him from his thoughts, "I can make a difference, Wilbur. They deserve to pay and I can't just sit here!" He knows he can't - but if he can distract Wilbur enough to forget his bloodlust, then...

"No, you can't!" Wilbur says, grabbing onto his shoulders roughly, looking at him with firm eyes, "Listen, Tubbo, just because you're angry, doesn't mean you can be reckless - okay?" He's in parent mode again, fussing over him, "Don't let anger consume you to do reckless things. It's safer within these walls."

"Then, you shouldn't be reckless either, Wilbur." Tubbo mumbles, shaking his head, already used to being rejected when he offers to help, "Don't let anger consume you to do reckless things." He says, pushing past him and out the gates.

Usually, Wilbur will tell him to go back in. Usually, Wilbur would follow him if he was that desperate to get some fresh air.

Wilbur, their leader, stands still in the same spot.

* * *

"What, is the little dragon depressed now?"

"Shut up." Tubbo mumbles, curled up in a ball in the clear grassy opening that Tommy claims to have seen him hatch, "Go away, this is my spot."

"Eh, I found it first," His 'friend', Clay, grins toothfully at him with his green hood. His dirty blond hair framed his hair, bouncing slightly above his emerald green eyes, "It's rare to see you alone nowadays, what's up?"

It wasn't like Clay could run around, yelling about there being a second dragon in the lands. No one would believe him unless he was in a large crowd of people. There was no worry about anything. Tubbo was still a useless dragon in L'manberg, even if he was being kept secret like some big secret weapon.

Clay was a village boy down the river. He liked to fish and hunt for them when he accidently stumbled upon Tubbo sleeping here one day after one particularly bad fight with Tommy. Ever since then, this place was always breached by him. He never appeared when he brought Tommy around. And trust him, he's been bring Tommy there every night since he realized that - so he wasn't expecting him to show up tonight after what happened with Wilbur.

"Your mother." Tubbo responds snarkily.

"Oi, you brat, I'm trying to be nice here." Clay grumbles, sitting down next to the boy, "Something got you down? What's up?" He was overly friendly and clingy as he drops a hand over his shoulder and tugs him into a halfway awkward hug.

Tubbo doesn't know him, so he remains stone faced as he thought back at what happened. He should give Wilbur some time to think by himself, about what he said. Tommy was still being treated in the castle, he should be by his side.

He should have been there to protect him.

Tubbo curls up tighter, covering his eyes with his knees, his tail limply pounds the ground as Clay pats his head soothingly, "Why are you so good at that?" He asks, muffled as the boy shrugs. Tubbo feels like he's back within the walls, being lovingly tucked into bed when he was younger, just months ago.

"I have a friend back at the village that loves headpats." He replies, sighing again as he readjusts their uncomfortable position so that Tubbo's head was in his lap, still in a ball, "He's awfully needy when he demands my attention. So I do this when he plans to prank me so I can throw it back at him."

"How - how can you even throw a prank back? What does that even mean?" Tubbo questions, looking up at him and the moon shining high above the sky.

Clay shrugs again, yawning as he mindlessly cards his hand through the dragon's hair, "When he's needy, it's usually when he tries to prank me. Unlucky for him, I can read him like a book." He pauses, looking off in the distance, somewhere across from him, "He's my best friend, after all."

"Why are you doing it to me then?" Tubbo grumbles, curling in smaller, much to the green hooded man's discomfort, "I don't like strangers touching me."

"Ehhhh? We're friends, aren't we?" Clay asks, smiling charismatically as he tilts his head, his emerald eyes glint with something dangerous before it flickers away like a burning ember, "Plus, you seemed upset." He curls a loose strand with his finger, making it curly when he releases it, "I wanted to help, even for a little bit." 

Tubbo remains quiet, staring off into space as his friend keeps doing the same action with no rational thought.


	2. Chapter 2

Tubbo returns home by the crack of dawn. He had his usual cape on yet he kept his head down still on instinct as he walked through the front door. Wilbur wasn't standing where he left him last night, instead he sees the tired man sitting at one of the chairs outside the infirmary. He has his hands curled up into fists as he covers his face, leaning down on his knees. His thumbs were still bloody, Tubbo couldn't help but notice.

Quiet as a mouse, Tubbo walks over, "Wilbur...?" He calls out hesitantly, blinking as his leader's head snaps up so fast, "I-"

Wilbur stands up abruptly, quickly hugging the boy, nearly lifting him off the floor. His body is trembling, but he seemed a lot more stable now than last night. His arms cradle the back of his head, his fingers card the back of his dark brown hair, holding him as if he was something fragile.

Maybe it was a dick move to just leave him alone. But Tubbo didn't know what to do. He was lost between a rock and a hard place, it was either he tried to calm him down or he left him to collect his thoughts. If words couldn't show him, then surely actions can?

"Sorry Tubbo." Wilbur mumbles, letting go slowly to slump back into the chair, "I didn't mean to scare you last night. I lost myself, sorry." He repeats, shaking his head, "Sorry again, Tubbster."

"It's okay Wilbur," Tubbo gives him a reassuring smile, sitting down beside him, "It's okay to be mad too, y'know? It's okay to be scared and if you need to lash out, I can-"

"It's still no excuse, Tubbo, please don't let me get scott free with this." Wilbur interrupts, pulling up his knees and hides his face in them - he can't see his eyes, it's behind his hair, "Even if I was stressed with nation affairs or conflicting fickle leaders with their pretty words. It doesn't change the fact that I snapped at you when you had nothing to do with it, at all. You don't need to be burdened with my troubles."

Tubbo's tail flickers, swaying back and forth as he listens attentively, "But I know you're a good person, Wilbur. I know you don't mean it, so that's why I'm not mad anymore. I know you didn't mean it." He tilts his head, reaching over to stroke his leader's back, "It's not from the heart, so I'll forgive you..." He pauses until Wilbur peeks out, wondering why he didn't finish, "...just this once, m'kay?" He grins.

Wilbur snorts, shaking his head as he pulls back his hair out of his face, "You're such a-" He cuts himself off, shaking his head again, turning his back to his knees, "Thank you Tubbo. For forgiving me."

* * *

Tubbo wipes the sweat off his forehead with his white gardening gloves. He's holding a wooden basket filled with sugary treats he gained from the little bee farm he made about a month ago with Tommy. The sun was particularly harsh today. His horns could probably cook an egg if he tried really hard. He smiles at that thought, checking the inside to make sure everything was still cool and cold so that they could enjoy them together. He makes his way to the army grounds, mindful of the broken straw dummies and straight towards his friend, Niki.

Niki was wearing the knight's uniform, the more laid back one, her small two blond strips flowed in front of her face as she slashed down another target with, "Ted's Wrath." The rest of her hair was brown, wrapped up in a neat little round bun so it wouldn't get in her way. Her long sleeves were rolled up to her elbows and the white tunic was tied with a fancy brown ribbon so it wouldn't get in the way.

"Niki!" He calls out over the hill, making his way to her with a childish grin, swinging the basket side to side. He watches as she glances over at him then resumes her training, "Nikiiii." He whines, deflating when she dismissed him. He sighs, shaking his head as he digs in the basket to pull out a red and white picnic basket blanket and drapes it's over the floor. He sets up the plates and napkins.

"It's strawberry cake! Your favorite...!" He lets out a small chuckle, seeing her frame freeze for a moment. Knowing full well that she was going to make it over with promises of her favorite sweet, he pulls out the cake and tea. He adds three clumps of sugar and two for her, "I also brought honey tea!"

A shadow falls over him and he sees her holding a towel to drape over her neck, still dripping with cold water from her fresh water bottle, "I told you, you don't need to do this every week, Tubbo." She grumbles, sitting down cross legged, "I can't be here for long, I need to get back to work..."

"You've been out here for nearly six hours, Niki." Tubbo reminds her, scolding almost as he hands her the metal fork for her cake, "Most knights only train for two to three hours. You're overworking yourself and it's not good."

"I have to..." She says boredly, still not looking at him as she uses her fork to cut the triangle part off, bringing it to her mouth, "Women have to work twice as hard to prove that they're worth more than a wife. Or else I'll be just someone who likes decorating and making the place look pretty. I don't want to build anymore." Tubbo tries to ignore how she looks over to the old smoldering flag just outside the walls, "I'm not weak." She states, shaking her head.

"Not like him..."

"Wilbur asks about you, still." He brings up something else, seeing how she reaches for her tea with perfect etiquette, "He thinks it would be lovely if you came to eat dinner with us, once in a while. Tommy misses you too."

"Heard he's been down for three days now. Has he woken up yet?" She takes a look at him, where he could see her brown eyes shimmer slightly with worry, "He usually bounces back right away, they really got him..." She pauses, before going for another stab, "Hope he's okay... with me adding more hours so he can defend himself better. I can't believe he got concussed with a rock... a bloody rock..."

"He's fine." Tubbo blurts out, "I'm going to visit him later, do you wanna join me?" He offers, finally going for his own cake, grabbing the strawberry to bite into first, "I bet he'll be really happy to see you out of these dusty fields for once..."

"Can't..." She replies monotonously, looking back at her sword then back to him, "I haven't gone to see him and he has never come to see me either... Although he's one of my best friends still, I'll just be wasting valuable time when I can be training..." She sighs, shaking her head, "I remember, back in the day when me, Tommy and Fundy ran through the forest to catch salmon up the river."

"You sound like an old lady when you say, 'back in my day.'" Tubbo sips his tea, keeping eye contact as she scrunches her face up in annoyance. He watches her mindlessly reach out, as a monarch butterfly lands on her finger gracefully, "You and Tommy grew up together, right?"

"And Fundy... I miss him..." She adds, watching as it flutters away, "We were just kids that liked exploring the area. Even if we didn't like own it, it was still free land we explored, Eret used to hate us going out but it was very fun. I liked those times a lot. But now I have to be an adult and responsible." She ushers herself up, neatly putting away all the things that Tubbo pulled out, "Enjoy being a kid, Tubbo. Even though you're a dragon, it'll never destroy the fact that the world's a cruel place."

She freezes as she reaches for her sword, looking down at him as she thinks, "You're kinda like a little prince of the castle. Wilbur worries over you constantly when I report to him. It's kind of cute." She lets out a small smile, reaching over to ruffle his hair. Tubbo huffs, leaning away, " 'm no prince! I'll be a warrior, just you watch!"

"Oh...?" Niki whispers, almost tauntingly as she tilted her head, "That so...? You can't even wield a sword."

She crouches down, to hold his head still, "You're weak, Tubbo." His breath hitches in fear, staring at her intense icy gaze.

"I want to teach you how to defend yourself - but Wilbur told me I wasn't allowed. Your skin is still soft flesh. To the bone, to the blood. A dragon is just a strong human. Sometimes with magic..." He slumps, which she notices, her iciness warms up a bit, "I don't mean to be rude, sorry. If I could convince Wilbur, I would. But it's the truth."

Tubbo clenches his fist, "I know that, but why?? Why can't you teach me in secret? Techno teaches me but he's always gone cause of that! Wilbur always sends him on stupid missions, you know he sent him to the snowy mountains when he tried teaching me how to light a fire??"

She shrugs, "Ever since Techno became a force to reckon with, he's been adamant on not letting you learn sword or-self defence, which is, kind of stupid, but." She sighs, letting go of his face, "Wilbur knows best usually. He's like the mother from Rapunzel in that one story - except he's not the bad guy. He's just mother hen. He's even thinking of demoting Tommy so that he's safe in the walls."

"Why though...?" Tubbo scoffs in disbelief, balling up his fists, "He's protective over you too, right? How come he lets you learn sword? It doesn't add up at all, I wish I knew..."

"He doesn't really wanna tell me no. I say, 'let's storm so and so' and there I get it. I'm assertive I guess? He's always worried about my eating schedule. I dunno why he's so worried over you though..." She looks over at the flag again, "It's probably something to do with Fundy, if I'm being honest. Probably views you as a weak kid." Tubbo gulps as her gaze hardens, "I don't blame him. I really don't."

Her grip grows tighter on the hilt of her sword, "I'm still mad at what he did to him. Thinks he's all big shit because he- he..." She stands up abruptly, striding angrily over to a straw dummy, "See you next week, Tubbo." She sighs again, as if she's bored as she begins to slice and dice the dummy to bits.

* * *

Techno was a man of glory. His cape always seemed so enchanting as he walked within the walls, just flowing behind him. The white fluffs on the end never seemed diry despite the fact that it trailed around his ankles, and his crown was always in place - perfectly aligned on his head. Lately, Tubbo notices, that he's been favoring a mask different from the one he met him with. He's been wearing a boar's skull right above his eyes, covering his nose and eyes almost perfectly.

Tubbo never could contain his excitement when he sees him, so he immediately dashes into his arms, forcing the older dragon to catch him. He's smiling from cheek to cheek, laughing as he 'almost' sends the guy crashing to the floor, "Oh, I've missed you so much!" He cries out, wrapping his small arms around him. He could only reach the chest but he still tries anyways, "Wilbur was going mad and Tommy got hurt! Niki was the same as always and.... I dunno - it's been so long!" Tubbo sighs happily, feeling small bits of tears bud up.

"It feels like everything is crumbling..." He trails off, into a small whisper, "Can you tell me that it's going to be okay? Can you tell me I'm not alone...?"

"Feels like I'm alone..." Tubbo pauses, sniffling, "Feels like I don't belong."

To be honest, dragons never were supposed to exist. Magic wasn't supposed to exist but people were determined to learn past the boundaries of science. People were desperate to know why the undead rose every night and endermen couldn't exist in the same reality. They were asking questions that they couldn't answer. Nothing made sense but it all made sense. No one had answers so they made their own. Fairy Tales and fiction. Magic and realms.

Eventually, they all became true. All mythical beings thought to not exist, came to life the moment someone realized it. It wasn't in their mind - it was in their soul. Maybe that's why nature is always out to kill them. They discovered a new world - but at what cost?

None of it made sense, he didn't get it. He doesn't get it!

"I know I'm just dreaming right now." Tubbo utters quietly, a whisper against the red cloak, against his dragon brethren's shadow, "I know you're not really here." He sighs, looking down as he releases his grip, "I wish you could tell me why Wilbur's mad now. I wish you could tell me some stupid quote from Sun Tzu even if it annoys me to great lengths."

"I wish you could tell me why Wilbur hates seeing you." Tubbo nearly whispers, afraid of even thinking of it, "I know he doesn't hate you, he worries about you a lot. He misses you..."

When Tubbo looks up, he sees the boar skull drip with black liquid, white circles appear in the middle of his eyes, past the bone. Some of it drips onto his cheeks. It's lower jaw drips off and plops onto the floor with a sickening crunch.

His long pink hair was falling out, melting in a puddle as it screeched and howled. Of bone, of marrow. Maggots pooled around the fluffy white parts, making it dissolve faster. Tubbo stares blankly at it. He snorts, laughing as he kicks the pile around. The torches are the only witness to him crushing them mindlessly, grinding them into the red carpet.

"Have I gone mad?" He asks himself in the empty halls, "What the hell is this dream."

He reaches down to grab the boar's skull, holding it up to stare at it. He's afraid to look in it's eyes. He wonders if maggots grow inside of it, after all, wasn't he holding a dead animal? 

Weren't all humans just animals in the end?

"Hey." The skull animates, moving it's upper jaw in a mocking way, as if trying to speak, "Who wished for you?" It asks him, white circles intently staring at him, "Why are you here? Do you know? Do I know? Does Tommy know?" The boar head bounces out of his hands, landing on the floor across from him. He looks down at it, his face neutral as it stares back at him, "Do you want to know?"

"I know." He mutters, sitting down, cross legged. He leans on his elbow, "I already know."

These inferior feelings were not his own. He wasn't supposed to exist, but now he does. Someone desperate to understand the world, wished for it to stop so he could understand it. Because Tommy wished that he could throw all these bad feelings away He wished that he could make up for what happened, for whatever happened. He's all the bad feelings in the world, absorbing it and thinking of ways to get rid of it. He's the big bad dragon that just weighed them down.

He came to that clearing to get rid of all the bad thoughts. To shout all those bad feelings away! To scream into the void where no one can hear!

But the void screamed back and the world granted him a dragon. Out of guilt? Out of a wish? Out of what, fucking pity? Tubbo doesn't know. He doesn't want to know-! All he knows is that if he was made with the wish, "I wish I could get rid of all these bad feelings." Then-

"You'll never be enough." It finishes that thought for him, morphing into him, smiling with fangs. His doppelganger looks like him except it has all his missing dragon parts. It was everything he was not, as if to taunt him. He had scale like talons and black wings that trailed over the floor, clever little slits for eyes, brimming with power. He stands hovering over him, threatening almost, but the real Tubbo just sighs again, clearly wanting to wake up, "You know that already though, don't you?"

* * *

He wakes up at the feeling of someone moving the bed sheet. He's still dressed in casual green t-shirt, resting above Tommy's bed. He blearily looks up, yawning as his friend looks at him with a shocked expression, "Oh shit, Sorry Tubbo, you alright?" His friend asks him, shifting back into bed.

"You..." Tubbo yawns, shaking his head as his tail flops uselessly behind him, "...shouldn't be moving, you need to stay in bed. Doctor's orders." He scolds him, wagging his finger, "Tommy, they said you have to be in here for a week at most."

"Gods..." Tommy groans, grabbing his head, "Fuck, it feels as if I've been run over a horse..." He scowls, "I'm not going to stay in a bed while Wilbur takes all the fuckin glory." He grumbles, using both hands to hold his head, "Fuck man... I can't - I have to work or else Wilbur's gonna do everything by himself again. He's going to work himself in a corner if he doesn't set shit on fire."

"S'okay..." Tubbo remains in the same position, still cozy as he lays on the bed halfway. He holds up a flask of pink liquid, "Wilbur never told me I couldn't brew stuff. This stuff should be able to get you up and running in three days..." He trails off, his blue eyes looking off to the side, near the door, "Maybe."

Tommy takes the flask, not even treating it with caution as he downs the whole thing, "Melon?" He questions, handing him back the empty bottle, "It's too much of that sweet shit. Make it bland." He watches him as he wipes his lips, "Thanks Tub. Really. I appreciate it."

"I added sugar and honey." Tubbo huffs, sitting up and trying to crack his back due to the bad positioning, "God, that was such a shit sleep." Tommy's gaze is on him, "Bad dream." He states.

"It's okay, man." Tommy grins at him, lightly punching him in the shoulder, "I, the hero, and you, my right-hand man will overtake everything together. Even dreams." He says, pounding his chest. He winches, "Ow."

"What happened up there?" He plops back down, grumpily groaning as Tommy puts his arm on his back as an armrest, "You got hit really bad. You barely woke up in the yesterday. This is the first time you're awake and conscious to talk."

"Uh. To be rightfully honest, I don't remember much. I remember we were going to the spruce village to go visit the DreamSMP leader, who was actually asking for peace. Now Tubbo." He locks his gaze onto the young dragon, "They're a joke - they've been picking through our defences, looking for any weak point. It was so weird, we should have known it was a trap."

Tubbo nods, paying attention as he leans his head back down, "So why'd you go then?"

"Well." Tommy frowns, "We have to go or else it's basically saying, 'we'll start shooting.' if we don't show up to a peace meeting. It would throw us into a harsher war because they'll see it as, 'they didn't want peace, ok.'" He tries to explain, gesturing with his hands, "We got jumped, but I don't think it was them actually."

"What makes you think that?" Tubbo asks, "You said they were the bad guys, didn't you?"

"Good and bad don't necessarily mean that they're black and white, Tubbo. The world doesn't spin for us and we can't be hopeful. But I saw that green bastard actually stop Wilbur before he went on a bloody rampage." Tommy stops, looking at the door before whispering to him, "Some fucker tried stabbing him so I used the last of my strength to take the slice too. That's why my arm's hurt too. You should have saw him, I've never seen him that mad before. He was so mad."

"He was gouging someone's eyes out when that Dream guy stopped him. He was screaming so loud, gods..." He sighs, "War is such a scary place, Tubbo." Tommy pats the top of his head, like a little brothers, "I'm glad you're not in it."

Tubbo squints, already used to this tactic of scaring him away, "I'm going to be in the war, Tommy. I'll keep asking." He says with confidence, "Eventually, Wilbur will give in."

"Nah, nah." He dismisses him, waving his good hand around as if shooing away the idea, "You'll just be in the way, Tubbo. You're too clingy and weak."

The thing with Tommy is that Tubbo already knows why he's doing this. Why he's so seemingly protective over him. He truly believes that he's weak. He won't survive a week outside the walls. The guilt of wishing for something so stupid, he wants to make it up to Tubbo by being a big brother figure. So that he can live a peaceful life, away from the very thing that caused him to be born.

_I'm not weak,_ Tubbo remembers the conversation with Niki, _I won't be weak like Fundy._

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Fun fact! Monarch butterflies mean "Rebirth" :3 I like to sprinkle in a lot of symbolism, Boars mean confrontation or courage while a skull means to symbolize danger, death or secrets!
> 
> Maggots I believe symbolize to make something out of a bad situation I think? Something similar....


	3. Chapter 3

The world was always divided since it started. Different nations that always fought for war, but no one knew what the war was. What it was about or why it happened, war was always a constant factor. There was no in between, there was no middle ground. Nothing to start with and everything to end, a dilemma that was as constant as a beating drum. Wilbur knew that that from the beginning that to find a safe place for his two children he picked up, there was no way. Still, there was a hope in there, somewhere when he was still young. With a bratty Tommy who never knew what it was like to live and a fox boy who always ate berries, they were his most precious things that brought him to dare hope for a bright future.

Hope was a dangerous thing.

Kids these young would immediately be stolen in the night to fight an endless war. Always in the war, always on the run, Wilbur kept his heart on his sleeve to find them a home but it's not like it ever worked. A man driven mad by his own efforts, always walking in circles. Everyone views kids as valuable assets to a war or extra mouths to feed.

"I found a place, Wilbur." His friend says after a night with a beer, "I'm telling you, you don't need to run anymore, this place is completely safe." Eret adjusts his shades, pulling back to check on the three troublemakers who were trying to bake cookies together, "I've built walls and me n' Niki basically made the culture, it's safe."

"I don't need fairy tales, Eret." Wilbur barks, side glaring at his friend, "What's the truth? You're all over the place and you find a place? You're joking, surely?"

"No, no. Have you ever heard of L'manberg, Wilbur?" His friend's still smiling carefree as he guzzles another drink, "Aaah that hits the spot! It's three nations combined into one to make peace. We're all united by a king, you see. A real funny guy who likes to pretend to fly."

"That sounds... absurd." Wilbur says with a spekical glance, "Insane, I'd say."

"Ay." Eret takes off his glasses, smiling coyly, "Why not take the risk?"

And he did. He traveled far and wide with Fundy and Tommy to hope again. He landed in a nation with a king with a light heart. Where he met Jschlatt. Where he became a general in the war to make sure that the nation was protected. Where he came to love his country than despise it for all it's worth.

He was in charge of the nation's protection. Eret made the culture and made structures beyond one's imagination. Jschlatt handled state affairs and for once, he felt safe. He felt like he was loved. There was nothing he wouldn't do to protect this place. His love for a world, a safe place for Fundy and Tommy where they can thrive. Philza, a king known for his benevolent nature and kindness ruled over the land with grace and dignity.

"Fundy..." Fast forward to three years and he's standing in front of a grave. A single yellow flower was placed in front of it, berry bushes surround the grave and the little chips of the foxes can be heard within them. He sits here with his red beanie, with L'manberg's castle walls hanging off in the distance. The wind is light against him today, it carries his red scarf a little bit before it settles back onto his lap. His fists were balled up and everything hurted.

His head throbbed, his thumbs, his hands.

"You would have loved your new brother. As much as a prick you were, you liked meeting new people even if you prefer animals over humans." Wilbur says carefully, his words are nearly swept away, "Although, he's not exactly human..."

"They sent us a letter you know, asking for peace for all they've done." He pulls out a rolled up paper, a letter asking for peace by the DreamSMP, "You might not blame them, but they're the only ones that could have done it, you know." Wilbur flickers a light, "Ashes to dust, dust to rust, say might it be a bust?" He lights it on fire, watching as the small embers take the paper into bits. He drops it, watching it as the cinders fly off with the wind.

"Fundy, my son." He stands up, using his knee to push himself up to look back at L'manberg, "I'll make them regret the day they did this to you. They'll pay for everything they've taken from me."

* * *

When Tubbo's was about the size of a seven to nine year old child, he would hide under Techno's cape and they would ride out of the walls. Far away so that Wilbur couldn't catch up just to explore the place. Although Techno was more than capable to protect them both, he always had to do run away tatics from Wilbur just to spend some real dragon bonding time with the smallest of the bunch. Tubbo would always adore the little crown helmet he gives him on their adventures, even though it was crude and made out of wood. It was the thought that counted.

He always tells the younger dragon that he had no idea how it was like to be an older dragon brother. He's never had one before and even though he basically babysat Tommy, he never had an experience with children, he would claim. But Tubbo followed him like a lost duckling, curious of the outside world and about him, who was the same species as him. It was fasinating to him - of course it would be.

And Techno, he loved telling stories about old folk stories back when no one was around. He loved talking about the old kind, whose name was paved in gold in his heart. He told stupid Sun Tzu quotes, which would always pull a sour expression on the dragon's face. But if it's one thing he loved the most, it was his way with a sword. He liked to show off to Tubbo, showing him how cleanly he can slice the undead in two even sizes. How bone marrow could be used as fire kindle or how spider silk could be used to make ropes.

Tubbo clung on for dear life, his small arms were small, so small compared to anything else. He wonders if he was able to be snapped like a twig - but since he was with one of the strongest men of L'manberg, it can't all be too bad. 

The air was light and crisp, cutting though his cape and slightly feather dancing along Tubbo's arms. The low cut moon hung above them, the only thing that they seemed to be heading towards on this white horse. The stars were out for once, decorating the edges of the trees ever so lightly, almost like a dream to finally be free. Freedom.

What did it mean to be free? A free idea integrated into a fragment of reality to make it true. Humans were truly scary figures to imagine a dragon or any of these monstrous mobs. Why would they imagine what it was like to be dead? Why would they imagine the idea of a moving skeleton that only shot bows and arrows, or zombies that tore soft flesh from bone and meat, just to hear their screams?

Tubbo doesn't know why his thoughts are so dark and morbid, he doesn't understand that it just gets worse with the worse case scenario happening in his head. As if he's scared for the future, as if it was his wish that he never knew. He always had horrible dark thoughts and it would never go away. Invasive and intrusive thoughts, violence and blood, hatred and love, it all swirls in there and it doesn't help that he never knew why he was born.

Maybe he was born of hatred, maybe he'll just make that reason his wish - that way he can have meaning.

Eventually, he feels Techno's horse slow to a stop and the older dragon slides off with ease. He reaches up, still wearing that emotionless pig mask, but his grip is gentle. As if he's afraid to break him. Tubbo turns and looks towards the building they stopped in front of as the man ties up his horse. It's a jungle temple in the dark of night. Long vines cover the entrance and around the building, but the moon that was perfectly aligned with the top made it seem so mythical. Tubbo gasps at the sight of it, hsi tail flickering left and right, making a trail in the dirt.

"Woah..." Tubbo can't help but feel awed, "It's so old.."

"Most temples are, Tubbo." He replies quickly, "I saw it when I was scouting the enemy, but I saved exploring it so I could bring you as uhm." He looks off to the side, adjusting his mask, "Hanging out with sibling time. I've never done it." He holds out a hand, as if asking to guide him, "If you're scared, I can hold your hand."

Tubbo shakes his head, walking up the steps and turning back at him with the brightest smile he can muster, "No I'm fine! Let's explore!"

He dashes ahead and waits by the entrance, waiting patiently for the older dragon who tucks away his cape so it doesn't get dirty. His crown was still framing his head perfectly, and his long hair was tied up by the green scrunchie in a man bun. He's still awkward around him but so is Tubbo. Techno never knew what it was like to grow up near other dragons and Tubbo was frankly still new to this world, still curious of the unknown.

The unknown was scary, but the best way to get rid of fear is to go through with it. Even if he's scared, he can't just stay sheltered all his life.

Techno's still at the end of the stairs, thinking of something before he decides finally. He uses his black wings hidden behind hsi cape and files over with grace and ease. If it was something that Tubbo found really cool about his older dragon brother is that his wings directly went against science. His wings were nothing but black bone rounded into rectangles. No skin flaps or anything, just black scales like his talons that had the ability to fly. He looks at him expectantly, so when Tubbo claps, he's seemingly satisfied, putting them away and they walk into the unknown area together.

The inside was darker than the outside, but luckily the dragon duo came prepared as they brought their own lanterns to follow along the cobblestone and mossy walls, mindful of the leaks and the holes in the floors. There were times Techno instinctively pulled out his arm to stop Tubbo from falling into the floor but otherwise he let him walk his own path. He wasn't as overbearing as Wilbur and he was as bright as Tommy, smartly noticing every trap on the floor due to his survival instincts. There's the clatter of bones in the air, but they're not too close as they are aware so they carry on without much worry.

"Why do you think there's so much dead people?" Tubbo asks out of the blue, growing overwhelmingly curious about the bones rattling and the groans of the zombies, "According to science, they shouldn't be real."

"Dragons." Techno replies, heitating, "They were dragons. Not humans turned into the undead."

"What?" Tubbo flubbed, blinking wildly, pointing at a few zombies that were walking towards them now. Techno grabs his diamond sword, "Those... Those were dragons? I thought dragons were rare."

"Kinda? If we tell them they're human, then they're more likely to not examine them and find their weakness. Not that it matters, but I think it'd be rude to look at a dragon's corpse." He dashes forward with the wind, swiftly slicing their heads off by their jaw, "They're a bit more than just dragons. They've lost their purpose, their will to live, their will to think. Basically." He slices the other one off, kicking in their legs then slicing their head into two, "The humans that wished for them didn't want them anymore."

"So... If Wilbur and Tommy didn't want us to exist anymore, we can just die and become just like them?" Tubbo asks, tilting his head as the dragon puts away his sword, pulling out a red napkin to wipe the blood off his cheek, "Do our lives circle around them?"

"I didn't come from Wilbur and no. If you have a will there's a way. Only weak dragons who depend on their _human_ ," He says that last word, like a disease, "Will rot away the moment their usefulness is done. You and I were lucky, Tubbo. We have strong humans with strong wills. And we don't live in their shadow if we're trying to make something out of it."

"You didn't... come from Wilbur? Didn't he have a wish to always protect L'manberg?" Tubbo pondered, pointing at him then back over to the kingdom, "I..."

"...I dunno.... I don't want to believe...." Techno pauses, looking down at his sword, "I don't know. I don't know anything Tubbo." They keep walking in silence after that question. Along the cold cobblestone walls that Tubbo can't help drag his hands against to feel the coolness of the stone.

"I know I was born to protect and that's why I'm great at fighting. Do you wonder what your wish was? Did Tommy ever know?" Techno asks, looking at him with his blank mask, "Most wishes that last always have good intentions behind them. Mines was to protect."

"I never asked him. He always worries about me and I hate that." He hiccups randomly, embers fly out but disappear as quick as the wind, "I want to show him that I'm capable of taking care of myself."

"That's good. Dragons are naturally very strong to elements and enchantments. Our skin is thicker than a boars and we show off skills unlike humans. But... We're apparently kind." The older dragon sneers at the sheer thought of that, "So it's easy for them to take advantage of us. To sell our unique parts and our labor. Like animals and I don't like that." He pauses, stopping entirely, "A king once told me, to never show weakness to anyone. Should I do, then let it be near a friend." Tubbo stops too, watching his frame tremble slightly.

"Well... have you?" Tubbo asks him, looking up at him imploringly, "You don't have to tell me if you're afraid though. I'm just curious."

"Not yet. I'm looking for that king. My friend who vanished one day." Techno answers, mindfully reaching up to touch the crown on his head, "My weakness would be still looking for him, in hopes that he's still alive. Somewhere... Out there." He tilts his head, "It's so strange. When I'm near you, I have this urge to sit down and just have a nice time. I don't normally spill out my guts like this. I consider myself a very closed off guy."

Tubbo blinks before a soft smile slips onto his lips, "Well, I'm glad you got it out. It seems like its been in there forever."

"Yeah..." He gives a small toothy grin back, "Thank you."

* * *

It's because no one ever says anything that nothing gets resolved. They rather keep it in like the secrets of the nation or they just never ever talk about it. And when he offers a solution, it's like no one ever listens. He may be the brains of the operation but that doesn't mean that he's always right. He can't make a difference if he's not there, if he can't help support when he can.

That's why it's so damn frustrating when he gets brushed off when he worries about others. His kindness can only go so far. 

"You won't get it, Tubbo."

"Don't worry, Tubbo, we'll handle it like men."

"Fucking let me try then!" Tubbo nearly screams at him, angry at him, "You and Tommy keep shutting me out of things because you think it's dangerous, well, I'm considered an endangered species so let me _help_!" His fists are balled up and he's standing on the meeting table now, getting his muddy boots all over the confidential papers, "Why can't I help? Why can't I at least try?"

Anger, passion, and empathy course through his veins. But it doesn't help that Wilbur was nothing short of passion and Tommy wasn't a man to give up so easily. It's like talking with a brick wall. Nothing gets in and nothing gets out.

"Keeping me behind these walls won't help anything. And we can't solve anything if we don't talk about it! I'm a dragon, I can handle myself - if you'd just let me _try...."_ Tubbo chokes up at the end, shaking his head.

"I - I genuinely don't know why you do this, Tubbo." Wilbur says desperately, grabbing Tubbo's shoulders harshly than intended, "There's nothing else out there! There's people who can hunt you down and yet - you just, you just keep doing it! It's safe within these walls, there's no need to run anywhere!" Tubbo shakes as he stares at his leader's eyes, regret and worry swarm his warm brown eyes, "These walls are safe, I promise. I'll make this place safe for us."

"I..." Tubbo clenches his hands, shaking his head, "You can't protect me forever, Wilbur." He replies, looking up to meet Tommy and Wilbur's eyes with a soft smile, saddened, "Let me become stronger so I can help protect you! That way, you don't have to keep worrying about me. That way..." His gaze falls down, meeting his torn shoes, "That way... I can be something too..."

"I don't want to be weak..."

"Tubbo..." Tommy reaches for him, with those guilt filled eyes. Tubbo pulls back harshly backing away from his touch as if it burned him. He's so sick of that look in his eyes. So sick of everything, "Tubbo listen..."

He bets that Tommy and Wilbur will hug him and say that it'll be okay. He bets that they'll treat him more fragile than usual, careful to not upset him. Tears bead up in his eyes and it doesn't help his case - but it's not like he can do anything about it. No one will listen to him, no ones willing to try and no one's saying anything.

He can’t help but feel frustrated in his own fruitless intentions.

"I'm so _fucking_ sick of not being able to help. I'm so tired of no one listening to me. I'm not weak but you're all treating me as if I'll snap! I won't! I won't!" He repeats it again and again as if it'll make a difference. He knows already nothing will change if he doesn't make it happen. He angrily wipes tears, backing away from their careful steps, as if he's a scared and hurt animal, "Stop! Don't you dare come any closer!" He snarls, aware how Wilbur flinched, biting his thumb when he was unsure on what to do.

"Listen, it's just like Techno says all the time, _"The supreme art of war is to subdue the enemy without fighting."_ \- Sun Tzu. " Wilbur has the audacity to pull up a fucking quote, "You're just as valuable as-"

"Well, he's not here, is he?" Tubbo snaps back, glaring at him, "He's out there, still in the artic, fighting some war when the war is at home. He's actively getting involved, so what do those words mean now?" He asks, his back collides with the big doors behind him. He keeps his hand on the knob, clicking it nervously when they both stop. But there's still guilt on his face, on Tommy's face.

He's always been dragging Tommy down. Wilbur was probably sick of him by now, constantly asking to help when he knows that stuborn leader won't ever accept help if it killed him.

"Would..." He asks, "...it be better if I didn't exist?" He wonders, looking up at them with tear glazed eyes, "You say you're afraid of the outside world attacking me, but in reality. It's the opposite, isn't it?"

_"You're afraid of me dragging you down."_

_"You're afraid of me being a liability."_

_"You're afraid of me being a target."_

_"After all, aren't I the weakest link? But why keep a weak link if you can polish it and renew it or replace it?"_

_"Out of guilt?"_

_"Out of fear?"_

Except he's just as flawed as them. Keeping it all inside as he looks down at his hands, not able to meet their eyes. He's so scared of being told that he's worthless. He rather try to help out then always be looked down on. He doesn't want Wilbur to overwork himself. He doesn't want to drag down Tommy with all these stupid worries. The feeling in his heart won't go away, it's a heavy weight that crushes it little by little.

He allows Tommy to pull him in a hug and they do a group hug. Wilbur hugs them too and it's always the same reassuring things over and over and over and over and over.

And in the end, nothing changes because he's scared of being told that he's right.

* * *

His wish relates to emotions. The need to get everything out makes the worst of people lash out. It makes sense why Tommy always feels to guilty because Tubbo feels guilty for dragging him down. It explains why Wilbur was always tired because Tubbo was tired of trying to understand why he didn't let Tubbo help. He always was able to correlate his emotions with others, making it easier for them to open up to him or lash it all out at once.

Niki's suppressed anger in her monotonous voice, Techno's weakness in the heart of the battle. and Tubbo's overwhelming insecurities and bad emotions all wrapped into one. And the fear of being unable to do anything is also the fear that let him try to fix everything. Endless, forever and ever, they dance this same path because he's so afraid. Afraid of being hated, of being a burden. Or being just what he tries of be.

He wanted things to change. But he was afraid of change.

Gods, Tubbo was such a coward.

Seeing Tommy shine the brightest was when he wasn't with him. So he's here again, making his way silently to the hidden peace grove with tears still fresh in his eyes. It took a bit longer to sneak out properly with Tommy and Wilbur hounding him with worry after his outburst. As usual, when he doesn't bring Tommy, Clay's here. Today, his blond friend was currently swinging his axe onto the undead's head, cutting it in a clean cut, almost professionally. He sits at the opening, not ready to approach him as he's busy laughing madly as he swings the black axe.

Through skin and bone, though rotten flesh and marrow.

An idea dawns to him at that point: Clay was a simple boy in the in the spruce village who has been so bold to touch a dragon, one of, if not, the rarest things in the world. Although he seemed a bit tricky to understand, he seemed very skilled with that axe. His confidence was though the roof as he laughed with his gut, slicing them with such grace.

He was just outside of Wilbur's jurisdiction, near the DreamSMP territory so Wilbur couldn't directly intervene if...

If he asked him to help him learn how to defend himself.

"Woah, when did you get here?" Dream and his annoyingly tall self bend to his knees to reach Tubbo's height, "Small." He notes, similar to how Technoblade called him when he first met him.

"I'm growing. Unlike you, Clay." He sneers, shaking his head.

Clay however doesn't resort back with some coy comeback, instead he focuses on his face. Although his hands were so clearly bloody, he grabs the young dragon's face. 

Tubbo scrunches up his face as the blood smears over his cheek. He pushes him away, backing away, "The hell man?"

"Sorry, sorry." Although he's not as genuine as it seems as he does it again, smearing blood on his face as he wipes away a tear, "Were you crying?"

"No." He lies, backing away from him, using his sleeve to wipe away the blood, "Hey, I got a question for you." He asks, leaning towards him as his friend puts away his axe, "Can I ask a favor of you?"

"Were you crying?" Clay persists, reaching for his face again after he wipes the remaining blood on his green hoodie, "Come here little guy."

This was one of the moments he felt like a small kid. He openly glares up at him as he's hugged and carried up like a small child. He doesn't fight it because one. He knew that he wouldn't even have a running chance and...

He could really use a genuine hug now.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> uwu)/
> 
> As it turns out, when writing the script, i ended up with extra stuff so you may find an update sooner than later. But then again, I won't make promises.
> 
> If you liked it, please leave a comment ^^ those things always give me motivation to write!


	4. Chapter 4

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> //// animal death; brief ////

"You seem a bit happier these days." Tubbo looks up, noticing Tommy sitting beside him on the blackstone walls. His hands, he fiddles with a wooden bee, carving it as the wood shavings get carried away with the wind. They're so high up, sitting on top of these walls, they both let their feet dangle in the air. "You can always talk to me, T-money." He says casually, swinging his arm around his neck and pulling him into a hug, "I know I've been busy lately but - We can always hang out like old times. Just you and me against the world!"

Tubbo nods, his hands still focused on the bee figure. He doesn't say anything, but he leans against his best friend's hug, laying his head comfortably against his uniform. It's been nearly a week since that outburst but he guesses that he's a bit more happier now that he has a better plan with Clay now. Now that he can actually do something rather than just stay still. There's something fragile in this moment. Something he doesn't want to disturb so he's just silent, as he listens to Tommy prattle about the latest adventure that Wilbur sent him on.

His fingers follow along the indents, his brush dips into the yellow paint and back onto the wood. Buzzing bees. Small and fragile to decorate a small flower.

Like humans to a dragon, a bee to a flower. Both fragile.

His head hurts.

"Listen, Tubbo." His friend starts, grabbing his attention again, "I've been thinking and... I don't know where the hell you get the idea that you're useless." Tubbo raises an eyebrow in questioning, "It's true! I know I tell you to shut up all the time and Wilbur brushes you off but I guarantee to you that L'manberg wouldn't be standing here if it weren't for some of your plans."

His head hurts.

"I want to help you on the battlefield." Tubbo says, looking off to the sun as he gets off him, his hands still fiddling with the wooden bee, "I want to be your sidekick and actually help out physically so I can protect you." His voice is so monotoned but Tommy, bless his thick skull, doesn't seem to notice.

"Why would I need help, Tubbo?" Tubbo wordlessly peeks at his bandaged arm and head, "I'm the strongest man alive!" He says so confidently, standing up suddenly as he places his hands on his hips. He stands so confidently, so bravely as the bandages flow with the wind.

His head.

"Ah I see." Tubbo mumbles, his eyes adverting back to his bee. Soft wood to prick the skin, his blood was red, right? "I still worry though." Tubbo smiles, placing the bee down and turning wholehearted at his friend, "I mean. I don't know what I would do without you, if I'm being honest." His smile flickers downwards and he turns away again.

Something felt oddly off today. Usually he smiles with his whole chest but there's something wrong today. He can't describe the feeling - but all he knew that it felt wrong. Something's in his throat and it won't get out. Like a hairball but it wasn't physically. His thoughts raced too fast for him to catch up. His chest felt tight and... He just felt so.

_Tired._

"Rest assured, Tubbo, my best friend." Tommy leans down to pull him in a tight hug, "I promise, I won't ever ever die. I won't leave you alone, my friend." His head cradles the back of Tubbo's head, mindful of the horns. There's this sort of desperation in them, his fingers curl around in his hair, but at the same time, it was a gentle hold. He returns the hug, resting his head on the top of his shoulder and lets himself be held.

He just can't stop thinking about it.

* * *

"Train you?" Clay had questioned him, tilting his head curiously as Tubbo sits in front of him, his hands balled up in a fist as he looked at his friend imploringly, "Why would I need to train you? Aren't you the berserker of L'manberg?" He pulls out his axe, watching as the black metal sparkles in the moonlight and a white cloth to polish the blood off of it, "You're known all throughout the land, aren't you?"

"Berserker?" Tubbo mimics, frowning. That's a new word he hasn't heard before. And since he knows it isn't him, maybe he's talking about the other dragon of the city, "You mean Techno?" He asks, watching him move the cloth up and down the tool. Clay stares at him dumbly and the crickets were the loudest thing between them right now. It was almost deafening in that small secluded opening.

"He's my older dragon brother if you're talking about him. I don't know anything about wielding a sword or anything. Wilbur doesn't let me do anything." Tubbo answers slowly, aware how his friend stiffens at the mention of his leader's name, "Is that another name that they call Techno? Berserker?"

"You're telling me. That you're not the berserker but the Berserker's baby dragon brother...?" Clay tilts his head slowly, a mischievous grin playing on his lips as he puts his axe away and stands up, towering over the young dragon a bit. It's a bit imitating but Tubbo stands up as well, only to still be towered over but at least he's up on his feet.

"His name is Technoblade, Clay. He's not called the Berserker, he's the one keeping our city safe."

"Oh, is that what you think..? You think..." His voice gets a bit dark, menacing compared to the soft and lighthearted tone he had when they first met up and he gave Tubbo a hug to comfort him, "You're... that sheltered, huh...?" He forces out a little fond chuckle, shaking his head slowly, looking back at him, "You do realize that the DreamSMP is enemies with L'manberg right?"

"Are you scared of being caught by Dream?" Tubbo gasps sharply before shaking his head and hands, "If you're worried about it, you don't have to train me if you really can't! I completely understand." He laughs a bit, nervously as he stands up, "I don't want you to get in trouble and all with the leader of your land, I get it. Sorry."

And Clay doesn't answer. He has a couple of fingers to his chin, stroking it as he stares dumbly at Tubbo, but his coy smile was nowhere to be seen. His expression was just blank, as if he was just confused, as if he didn't understand. There's something in his eyes, a flicker of interest.

"Uhm..." Tubbo felt nervous now, he twists his fingers before looking up to his friend's emerald eyes, icy to the core, "Sorry... I really should have thought about it..." He felt a bit dumb now. He was too absorbed on his own insecurities that he failed to notice other's own busy schedule.

"No." Clay whispers quietly, reaching out to grab his shoulders, "It's fine. I was just worried for a moment." His friend smiles, although it seemed a bit more strained this time, "I didn't realize I was talking with such royalty! And there's no need to worry, really. I can train you." He shakes him a bit, his grip gets a bit tighter, causing the smaller dragon to wiggle out and look at him unsurely, "I promise! I know Dream personally, so I know how to fight. I can teach you if you'd like."

"You know him personally?" Tubbo asks, watching as Clay's smile grows just a tad sharper, "If... it's okay with you, I'd like to learn to defend myself at least. So I don't get ambushed or taken hostage, you know? I heard that one of Dream's men likes collecting dragon parts and using them for... I dunno..." He looks to the right, trembling slightly, "It's scary."

"Ah, Sapnap? Yeah, he loves collecting dragon horns," Tubbo instinctively grabs his own horns as if they vanished, "It's a bit weird if you ask me but I think he just likes pretending to be a dragon." Clay reaches out, hesitating before he pats the top of his hair, earning a scowl from the younger dragon, "You..."

Tubbo looks up, listening tentatively as his friend keeps acting weirder and stranger, "I...?" He repeats, encouraging him to finish the sentence.

"...Nevermind." Clay says instead, looks down, pulling his green hoodie sleeve back to look at the time, "I have to go anyways. Meet me back here on wednesday." And he's gone. As soon as he hit the treelines, he hopped on a tree branch and within moment's, there was no sign indicating that he was there anyways. Tubbo remains still in that opening, looking at where he disappeared.

_That... was strange..._ Tubbo wonders, shaking his head as he starts his way back to the castle, _What did he mean by Berserker?_

* * *

_Hi Tubbo,_

_Today, I caught a white polar bear and skinned it so I could make a cool carpet. I made sure nothing was put to waste. Like how I told you, bones for kindle and meat for food. The ice carrot farm is doing fine. How is Wilbur and Tommy? Are you doing okay? I only have two more years of this place then I can go home. By then, you and Tommy should be adults and we can go on missions like this together. It must suck being up there, tell Wilbur that if he keeps this up, he might see the end of my blade. Carrot blade of course, because who wouldn't want to eat carrots. Eat your veggies._

_Techno._

_-_

Tubbo scrunches his face at the rotten winter carrot that came with the letter. "He still sucks at sending gifts that don't rot." He mumbles but then he shrugs. It wasn't the worse that he send him. He remembers the last time he tried sending him a gift though the mail. There was a rotten fly covered rabbit foot sent to him as a lucky charm. Snow, which made the last letter nearly unreadable. And now, it was a rotting winter carrot with worms in it.

Still, he smiles at the thought as he tosses it outside his bedroom window and grabs another slip of paper to send back to him.

-

_Dear Techno,_

_Today, I inched closer to convincing Wilbur in letting me join the war! I made some new friends and Niki seemed a bit more open with me the other week. She talked about Fundy again but it seemed like she was less mad at his death this time. Unlike last time when she broke her sword. She's using Eret's old sword now, which is good. She's starting to move on now... although she's still as hardworking as ever. I ended up having a screaming match with Wilbur and Tommy and I gave in due to fear. But!! I have this cool friend named Clay and he's going to teach me how to defend myself at least! I bet you'll get along great, although..._

_Something kinda bothers me. Were you called a Berserker back then? I've never heard anyone call you that before. I heard people call you the mad dog of L'manberg or the protector of the vain - but I never heard that one before._

_I miss you, alot. Tommy does too, he keeps wanting to send letters but he's been so busy lately. I don't blame him, but I want to help somehow. Surely, I must be a bit annoying now to keep asking, so I think I'll finally stop. Once I learn how to defend myself, I'll show them that I'm not weak!_

_Love, Tubbo_

* * *

There was this overwhelming urge to slam something against something. Something soft. Something bloody. Tubbo's been staring in space for the longest time, mindlessly thinking nothing but bad horrible thoughts of the different possibilities of how everything can go all wrong. He wasn't sure what everything was, but all he knew that he had this will to slam something soft into something hard. To hear fragile bones snap and blood to splatter and soak the cobblestone floors.

His head hurts immensely. He already threw up this morning but he didn't seem nauseous or anything. He wasn't sneezing or coughing as if he was sick. He wasn't stabbed and there was no broken bones because he barely got hurt anyways. An itch, that cursed itch.

Under his skin, maggots rot. Maggots and boars feasting on flesh. Zombies, former dragons and skeletons ripping through soft flesh to see a surprise inside, a beating heart. His nails, there's blood under his fingernails. The sharp smell of copper invades his nostrils and he's suddenly aware of the situation.

Tubbo blinks and he looks down at his hand, staring listly at the dead rat in his hand. It's nearly unrecognizable if it wasn't for the wormlike tail hanging out at the very end. It's a bloody mess of organs in his hand, soft and red flesh. It's between his fingers, a sticky red mess that stains his hands.

_Humans and dragons... weren't this fragile... right...?_

Tubbo shakes his head, tossing the corpse harshly in the bin as he rushes to bathroom. He drenches his face, washing the blood from his hands and under his nails. It feels like he's going mad as he stares on at his reflection. He's leaning all his weight on the white porcelain, staring at himself as he focuses on the little bin in the corner. He feels sick, his head won't stop pounding. 

There's too much bad emotions in the castle, he's not sure if he can handle it all at once. He can't, considering how he just bashed a poor animal's skull in. He pulls back, shaking his head and walking back to the bin to see the mess of pink flesh and rat tail. 

"Sorry..." He apologizes, kneeling down as he scoops it gently with a tissue. With care, he politely wraps it up in white napkins until there was no trace of red left, just a mummified corpse. He places it in a spare flowerpot and places a fake flower in it. Carefully, he walks out of his room, his tail wags behind him, hovering just over the floor as to not make any noise. He makes it out to the garden where he can still hear the bees buzzing out, since it was still midday on a Saturday night. "I'm so bad at controlling these bad emotions."

He walks grimly over to the many rows of fake and real flowers and begins to work with the shovel. He digs a shallow grave, placing the pot into the ground and burying it neaty. He pats the dirt softly and stays kneeling over it. 

"Are you visiting the bees again, Tubbo?" Wilbur hollers from behind him, causing the small dragon to turn around halfway to see the older man walk over, a cheerful grin from the leader, "It's rather sweet how you keep the flowers so neat and healthy for the bees."

Without hesitation, Tubbo stands up, turning around with a soft smile, "I love bees!" He says lightly, skipping towards the leader so he wouldn't see the fake flowers. "They've been supplying the sweetest honey as of late, Wilbur! Would you like some honey tea together?" He asks, tilting his head towards the kitchen, "I heard it's very relaxing, especially with some chocolate cookies."

If Tubbo was good at anything, he was good at distracting people. He smiles as he leads his leader away from the countless rodent bodies under the soil, disguised as a flower field. He ignores the overwhelming urge and guilt - guiding Wilbur away, who just seemed relieved that Tubbo was feeling better.

He'll feel better once he brings everyone's mood up so he doesn't get that itch again.

* * *

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Merry halloween!
> 
> Ah poor Tubbo, always brushed aside for his naive self and kindness never has a good outlet to get all those bad and negative thoughts that swarm him. I mean, the dude never gets to talk about it because he's scared of being told he's right, what makes you think he'll be open to talking about this itch he can't help but do?
> 
> Hope you enjoyed! It's more of setting up events and gaining an idea of where I want to lead the main character into-- But I'm glad you're reading regardless! If you enjoyed, don't be afraid to drop a comment and tell me what you think!


	5. Chapter 5

There's a man outside the walls, trotting around with his white horse and supporting dragon horns on his head along with a white bandana tied on his forehead. Tubbo stands unsurely at the outskirts, staring at him as if he'll go away but something tells him that he's not moving. Today was the day that he was going to go out and train with Clay, but there's a stranger a bit too close to the walls, talking to the guards in a carefree manner.

Something told him that it wouldn't be wise to go up to them right now. Although the man seemed to be a dragon too, suggested by his horns. He was also supporting a diamond sword and...

Something felt off.

But something has been feeling off all week so he turns and walks deeper into the forest. His hands still felt like there was still blood on them. That afternoon tea with Wilbur that day felt way too forced and he had to excuse himself that day, causing the man to be even more worried. Tubbo grabs a chunk of hair and squeezes as he sighs loudly, today didn't seem like a good day at all. Something bad was going to happen and there was no way he could stop it.

Not unless he knew how to defend himself at least.

He meets Clay out in the woods, for once, not wearing a green hoodie. Instead, he wore a sky blue shirt and a pair of goofy goggles on the top of his head. He had two axes, a wooden one and his favorite axe out on the floor of the grassy clearing. His hoodie was hanging by the tree.

"No hoodie?" Tubbo asks, startling the other, "I always see you with that hoodie so it took me a moment to realize that it was you, is this what you wear under your clothing?" He can't help but wonder as he carefully approaches him, "It looks... really goofy for someone like you..."

"Someone like me? Oh so am I not goofy?" Clay shoots back, cracking a smile, "Oh come on now, you're telling me that I'm not your loveable and silly friend?" He approaches him, reaching out to mess with his hair. Tubbo scowls, moving back just out of reach, causing the taller man to realize what he's doing. He lets out a snort at the taller one, liking that moment of pure confusion on his face.

One that wasn't as threatening as last weeks.

"I have business to do later, so I can't show up so unprofessional - but I forgot my stuff. So I stole my friend's clothing while he went to get my stuff." He's smiling again, carefree and at ease, "Mainly for fun, it's really fun bullying him, you see."

"Is it fun to mess with people?" Tubbo wonders, leaning down to grab the lightest weapon, the wooden axe, he looks up to see Clay handing him a shield, "My friend Tommy likes messing with me too, but he never takes my clothes." He frowns at the axe, lifting it up to test its weight.

"Mmm, it depends. We're always told we're together and he hates it, so why not make it seem like it?" Clay picks up his own axe, swinging it behind his shoulder expertely, "If it's one thing I like in the world, it's to see other's expressions. It's how you can tell they're being honest." He uses the other hand to point at his eyes, "Especially the eyes, they're windows to the soul."

Clay adjusts his shield, smiling softly, "Okay, come at me with all you got. Don't hold back, I need to evaluate your strength."

Tubbo nods, gripping the wooden axe and shield. They're quite a distance away from another but it's okay, he can adjust. It's his first time fighting after all.

There's a moment of silence as they stand still, the wing brushing through the trees was the only indication of noise in them. Then Tubbo strikes, lunging while the wind sways. He uses the wind as a gateway movement, quick on his feet. He raises his axe above his head although he doesn't aim to swipe at first, because he knows that's what Clay thinks he'll do. He had to seem unpredictable, to get the hit in first.

Naturally, since Clay seemed well rehearsed in fighting, his friend has the high ground. He's good with an axe, so he bets he's a god with that shield as well. He aims for the knees, attempting to use his leg to kick the back of them to catch him off guard.

Clay's eyes widen as he realizes what's going on, shifting his feet to dodge it so that he doesn't get knocked into the ground and defenceless. However, that's exactly what Tubbo was aiming for. He sidesteps the legs, making a pivoting point to twist on as he hammers it down as fast as he can. He quickly readjusts his handle and strikes at that time, catching the other off guard as the wooden axe chips the iron shoulder blade armor.

It's at this moment when he realizes that he wasn't paying attention to the other's movements either. He was too focused on getting the distraction and getting Clay's shield down that he forgot that his friend had a weapon too. It swings down on him just as Tubbo pulls up his shield to let it crash into it, quaking from the strength under it.

They stay still. Tubbo pants, letting out a breath he doesn't know what he's holding and looks up to see Clay's wide emerald eyes. He snickers at it, making him snap out of the trace and he also lowers his shield and axe. The dragon lowers his shield, noting the deep axe indent on the shield and his own shaking hands.

"That's..." Clay starts off, frowning, "You sure that was your first time fighting?" He asks hesitantly, unsure as Tubbo nods, dropping the shield and axe to grab his hands to stop trembling, "I..."

"It felt like... I was actually in a battle again..." He leans down to grab Tubbo's shield, noting the indent, "Truth be told, I forgot where I was and almost really hurt you if you didn't put up that shield."

He laughs from his gut, shaking his head as he looks down, "Is it possible for... two dragons to be from the same person...? No..." He mutters just under his breath but Tubbo manages to hear the scrap of it.

Wisely, he doesn't bring it up, "Did... Did I do good?" Tubbo ponders, blinking up at him. In his heart, he knows that he probably caught him off guard but it felt more refreshing to hear it out loud.

"Better than good, kid." Clay smiles again, warmly as he reaches out to ruffle his hair without his consent again, "You almost seemed like a natural." His eyes become shielded, as they dart away, "Like most dragons actually.. They have a natural talent of being strong so its extremely rare for one to be weak."

"Really?" Tubbo brightens up, grinning genuinely from the bottom of his heart, "Do you think I can fight Dream and get him off our case?"

"Erm... Maybe not that good," Clay chuckles nervously, placing a hand on the back of his neck, "Off your case? Why? What did he do to get you so worried about him?" He wonders innocently, circling around him. Tubbo shrinks a little, not liking how he seemed to do that, looking down at him like he was weak. Like a vulture to a corpse.

"Uh. I dunno actually, they're peaceful for the most part. But Wilbur doesn't like them." Tubbo frowns, grabbing his hand so that he doesn't get dizzy trying to follow him around, "So they must be the bad guys." He nods, to which the latter just frowns. Clay didn't seem too pleased by that but what else could he possibly say if it was the truth?

He tries to ignore it, deciding to change the subject. 

"Hey by the way, remember how you mistook me for a Berserker, what does that mean?" Tubbo starts off suddenly, it'll be nice to get more information. But he can't help how nervous he feels, folding his hands together, "Is that what they called Techno back then?"

"You know, I find it interesting how... They don't warn you about Dream but they're more interested in keeping you sheltered that you haven't heard about the biggest disaster that happened three years ago." Clay waves his hands around as he sits down, dragging Tubbo to sit across from him, "They called Techno that before. A dragon, it was one of the first times a dragon went public, you see."

"Creatures that come from wishes, the stronger the wish - the stronger the Dragon. Wishes can be everything you know. It can come from wishing death on someone or causing war - no one knew what your brother came from. Back then, they were considered dangerous and unknown. No one likes the unknown." Tubbo frowns at that, remembering a different saying from Techno, where all dragons come from good willed people.

Clay explains breezily, grabbing a nearby stick and drawing his explanations in the dirt ground, "Everyone was scared but they welcomed him with warm arms, expecting it to be enough. They expected him to be nice and docile to take advantage of him. They were cruel back then - not anymore though. Nor as naive anymore either."

"But Techno. He desired war. He never wanted peace." Tubbo notices how Clay frowns, his hand on the back of his neck, crumbling down as he continues doodling, "He destroyed half of Manberg, the place it was before L'manberg. Weird name if you ask me."

"That can't be right." Tubbo pulls back, staring at the angry pig mask in the dirt, "He told me himself that he was born to protect L'manberg... Not to destroy things."

"Oh come on now." Clay's green eyes bore into him, a coy smile on his lips, "You can't tell me that a dragon, whose natural talent was to destroy and kill people, was to protect something? Dragons were always dangerous. Honestly, I've only seen one dragon and that was you. I'm surprised on how nice you seem, but now that you've exposed on how sheltered you are, it makes sense."

"If I was the first dragon you met, then how do you know about those things about Techno?" There's a angry feeling in his chest, it causes him to get up and start pacing. "Rumors? I mean it must be a given, knowing how Techno was seen but he's not a liar." Tubbo pauses, "Not to me at least."

"And how do you know that?" Clay stands up too, draping his arms around him and baring his weight down on his shoulders, "All your life, they've been keeping you in the dark about this. They sheltered you and look at you with pitiful eyes, as if they've done something unforgivable and can't take it back. Maybe he's ashamed of that name, maybe he would rather you look up to him still. You never know."

He thinks about Techno's blank stare and the quick smiles he does when he successfully impresses a small Tubbo. How Techno always did these sweet gestures with mock paper crowns or flower crowns just to get him to smile.

"Aren't they scared of you? Shouldn't they? They're parading around Techno, one of the most infamous dragons, yet... they could have easily advertised the place that homes two dragons to scare off any collectors. Instead, they hide you away... and keep things like this from you..." His emerald eyes seem cold now, icy and restrictive, "They hide a lot of things they're ashamed of, even Techno, since he's all the way in the artic. Away from you because they want to keep hiding behind this, good guy image they’ve created. Just to lie to you..."

He cocks his head to the right, slipping into a smile again, always smiling, "I can see why, really. You're so naive."

"You're..." Tubbo pulls away, frowning, "You're spouting out your ass. And frankly, you're weirding me out, so I'd appreciate it if you'd stop." He watches as Clay's face slips, his eyes flickering with doubt. Anger, confusion, then disbelief.

" _I'm_ weirding you out? You can't stand there and tell me that's what's not going on. You know you have these suspicions, but you don't like them being told to you?" Clay utters, baffled. 

"No... I just..." Tubbo looks away to the side, "I just appreciate it if they told me these things themselves."

"You literally just asked me and I answered-"

"I also." Tubbo glares at him, reaching up to grab him by the collar to pull him down, "Asked you to train me, but now you're here, trying to place doubts in my head." He lets go, crossing his arms as he turns away, his tail thumping the ground rythemically, "I trust them with my heart. I'm not going to leave them or- or-... anything. It's okay if they don't trust me enough to tell me." He covers his mouth, shaking his head again, "I just want to be there for them."

"It doesn't matter if they throw me away. It doesn't matter if I end up having to kill a man if I have to prove that I'm useful." He whispers, backing away, "I just want..." And he can finish before he chokes up. But he can't and now he's crying again. He hates this feeling, of always being cared for but never pulling his weight. He hates it. It's like he's crying every time, alone and helpless so that people can pity him.

Surely he must be faking it now? Maybe he's just doing this for attention, and maybe he is! Maybe he's crying for help to become stronger - maybe he's trying to understand rather than feel like he's just dragging down the team.

Maybe he should just vanish, like how the king did. So that the world could spin properly.

Clay just watches. He stands there, his eyebrow raised but. There was a sense of understanding in them. Empathy. He reaches out, pulling him to a hug and rubbing his back. He smells like citrus. Like orange tea in the middle of a summer evening.

"The sooner you realize, the better you'll feel. I don't blame you for having hope that they'll understand." His breath is warm against his ear, "Everyone wants hope."

"And sometimes, we have to make our own hope."

* * *

"Tubbo!" Tommy crashes full force into him, pulling him in an insanely tight hug as he walks back inside the walls. "Tubbo, oh god, I was looking for you!" He shouts, a bit too loud for his liking, "Tubbo, you would not believe the panic me and Wilbur were having. Usually, we let you run away and stuff - but there's someone here that got us all worried." He squeaks as he's pulled back to see his best friend's eyes, blown wide in panic, "Oh, I'm so glad you're okay."

"I'm... okay? Tubbo asks, feeling his friend's hands tremble as they grip his shoulders, "What's wrong? Why-"

"Ah that's where you are, Tommy." The man with a white headband and dragon horns he saw earlier today approaches them, "Oh whose this?"

"None of your damn business, Sapnap" Tommy grabs his head, pulling it into a hug so that his arms could cover his horns, although his tail still stuck out like a sore thumb, "Why are you following me." Tubbo has to use context clues to find out what was happening. Sapnap from the DreamSMP was here? The one guy that liked collecting dragon horns like they were collectables in a video game?

"I'm just simply trying to make friends, Tommy and fellow dragon friend." Sapnap waves his hand around as Tommy's grip loosens considerably. He takes a good look at the stranger who seemed to smile softly at him, as if he's trying to invite him to come greet him all nice and shit. He had black hair that was tied around his forehead and a plain white shirt that seemed that would be easy to stain with a fire icon on it. "We're going to be future partners soon, so I think it'll be neat if we got along at least you know?"

"Wilbur signed no such thing, Sapnap." Tommy retorts, glaring at him with such venom, "And the only reason why you're staying here is because it's getting late and you wouldn't fuck off when we said you couldn't meet Techno."

"Oh, the Berserker," Tommy freezes at that name and Tubbo doesn't have to look up to know that he's glancing at Tubbo with worry, "I already knew he wasn't here. I just wanted an excuse to see a dragon, after all, they're rather rare, aren't they?" Sapnap places his hands together, leaning down to stare at him, a mischievous smile plays on his lips.

Sapnap claps his hands together, looking down at him, "Hey, uh.."

"Tubbo." He eyes him warily.

"Hey Tubbo, wanna see my horn collection?" He, horrifically, detaches the horn on his head and shoves it in his hands, "You can have that one as a first meeting token."

"I uh..." Tubbo looks down at it, mutely. He's honestly a bit morbidly disturbed at the idea of a part of you, chopped off and hung like a trophy, he's not sure on how to properly react. Was there a way to react?

Tommy snatches it, shoving it back to the lunatic, "We don't want it." He finishes for him, circling around to push Tubbo inside the walls, "Leave us alone."

Sapnap, however, reaches out and grabs Tubbo's arm, yanking him back with such vigor, "Nah man, let him speak." Tubbo feels Tommy grab the other one and practically hiss at the other, "No! You're the enemy, you're lucky we're not stabbing shit already!"

"He's his own person, you don't need to speak for him!"

"And you don't have to show him your sick horn collection from dragons!! Like that's basically showing a baby cow their own mother's chopped udder!!"

"Sapnap." A scolding voice calls out to them.

The three of them freeze at that voice. They all look at the gate to see a masked man wearing a business suit. He's holding a black sword although there was an assortment of weapons on his body. His mask consisted of a simply smile on a white canvas and his posture was way too relaxed. He reaches out, grabbing Sapnap by the ear and pulling him back towards him. The dragon collector yelps, before deflating like a flat balloon.

"Dream." Tommy utters and Tubbo looks at the enemy leader that casually walked into the base, as if they had nothing to be scared of. The masked man simply stares at them, no indication of any emotions present on his movements or anything. Instead, he brushes past them and walks in, still pinching a whining Sapnap's ear as he drags them in.

"Tommy." He glances up at his friend, "Why is the enemy walking in L'manberg like they own the place...?"

"Fuck if I know, Tubbo." He grumbles, grabbing a hold of his hand securely, "I'm not leaving your side until those fuckers are gone. One of them collects horns, Tubbo! Horns! What kind of sick fuck shows horns to another dragon!?"

* * *

Tubbo could see Wilbur gripping the table cloth before he even walks in for dinner. True to his word, Tommy sticks to his side like glue, openly glaring at anyone as they all sit at the dining table. Even Niki's there for once, calmly and elegant as ever as she cuts into her thin steak, already taking bite of the food. She and Wilbur sit at the end of the table while Dream and Sapnap sit on the other side.

Dream didn't seem like he was eating, he was simply shuffling through paperwork as Sapnap rips into the ribs like an animal with no manners. Tommy sits next to him as Tubbo sits across from Dream, causing the masked man to look up at him curiously. Although the food looked scrumptious, the salad in his mouth felt like mush. He felt so uneasy and so unsure as the uncomfortable dinner kept going on.

"You do realize you're in enemy territory, right, Dream?" Tommy hisses, not even bothering to eat, "Why are you here, you green bastard?"

"I'm not an idiot." The masked man says quietly, yet that single statement felt so threatening, because it was the only thing spoken in a dead silent room, "I'm just waiting for Wilbur to sign the peace treaty."

"I'm not signing anything." Wilbur says from the head of the table, "You can take your little collector and promptly get the fuck out of here."

"Wilbur." Niki scolds monotonously, "Be nice. They're offering peace. Just sign the damn thing." 

"Niki!" Wilbur shouts heatedly, slamming the table with both hands, "You know-"

"Don't you dare yell at me." Niki's icy glare can be seen from a mile away, instantly pacifying Wilbur into sitting down, "They're being civil and we're having dinner. I've been telling you for ages, they had nothing to do with the festival or the election." She picks up her wine glass to take a sip, "We should talk about it, like Tubbo suggests, there's no way we can deal with this by ourselves. Dream is being nice, we shoud ally with them."

"But Fundy-!"

Tubbo flinches as Niki snaps her wine glass in two, leaving the sharpest end of the glass in her fingers. The glass slices through but she barely seems phased by it. That's all the warning Wilbur gets as he quiets down, frowning in his own seat. He's staring into his hands as Dream lifts a part of his mask to take a sip of the water.

"What happened to Fundy, had nothing to do with them and you know it." Niki whispers, deadly silent. Even Sapnap quiets down, looking at them side to side, worried, "You're just looking for someone to blame since you can't find the culprit. He's still alive but you know he's after L'manberg. So why don't we, as a group, gain more power to gain more protection for L'manberg? Instead of doing this thing, where you hold this place together by yourself...?"

"We're all weak, Wilbur." She says, leaning back as she moves a strand of blond hair out her face and grabs a napkin to press against her injured hand,

"But we're stronger together."

She stands up quietly and gracefully, walking out of the dining room as Wilbur looks down angrily. His fists are balled up, his teeth clenched and angry tears beading his eyes. Tubbo swallows thickly, watching as their enemy takes another sip, nonchalantly, boredly.

"Do we have a deal, Wilbur?"

"...Shut the fuck up." Wilbur answers instantly, tired and drained from that spew.

"Yeah, that's what I thought." Dream goes back to his paperwork, signing something, "You're as stubborn as Philza. But that's something to be admired. I always liked that king when I was younger. I always thought he was so strong and unkillable." He yawns, judging from his reaction of bring his hand to his mouth, "My hope died that day too. So I don't blame you for being so scared of the future."

Tommy grabs his hand and pulls him out the chair, done with the drama. He pulls him away as Dream notes them, watching them leave with that listless smiley face. There's something so unsettling about it, yet he can't help but stare. Stare at the uncertain future mixed in with that stupid smiley face.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Realizing how hard it is trying to write Clay as Dream but also realizing how I thoughtlessly put Dream all over the begining--
> 
> I intended the training scene to be shorter so I can add more into it, but you see, I suck at fighting so I just put it with explanations instead. :3 
> 
> Hope you enjoyed! Please leave a comment if you enjoyed!


	6. Chapter 6

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> ////TW Eye horror////

Then, there was moments like this. Hidden behind the cobblestone stairs, it led to the basement, filled with boxes he and Tommy hid in there, just for the purpose of collecting them. When you walked in there, there were small torches on the floor, lanterns that only lit up the bottom part of the room and highlighted the boxes in there. There were yellow and blue fairy lights that hung around the walls and small glow in the dark stars that the pasted all over the ceiling.

Tubbo was currently sitting in a box, crudely drawn as a spaceship while Tommy was in the other one beside him, clearly too small for him, although thanks to Tubbo's size, he fitted almost perfectly. His grubby little hands gripped the cardboard and his tail hung out on the floor, limp as they both stared into space. Nothing to talk about, nothing to say after that uncomfortable dinner - they were in their safe place. Under the stairs, under the floor and in a moment of silence.

"Niki seemed really mad." Tubbo starts off, peeking over to his best friend who leans back in response, tipping the mini spaceship box over. He lands with a thump but he remains there, "Why is Dream so bad to Wilbur?"

"He's too unpredictable." Tommy replies, reaching up to the stars on the ceiling as if he was going to grab them, even though they were out of reach, "I hate him, but he's a good man. Wilbur's just so hurt, he can never think straight when he’s angry.”

"Weren't you mad when Fundy died?"

"Of course I was." Tommy snaps back, getting loud, "That's why I fuckin hate them."

Hate, hate, and hate. Was this what war boiled down to? War, hatred and vengeance? Would Eret want this? Would Wilbur want this? He doesn't know, he has no idea how the others think. He never met Eret but everyone admired him. He was always the peacemaker of any given situation. There was no between because now it's like it's the only thing that matters.

No time to mourn, no time to think and no time to talk it out.

"Why do people get angry?"

"Because..."

"I wish anger didn't exist." Tubbo continues, cutting Tommy off, "I wish all these bad feelings wouldn't exist. Irrational feelings have no place in war."

_I wish I didn't exist._

Tubbo sighs deeply, shrinking when the boxes to the side shuffle a bit, indicating that Tommy was on the move. He yelps when the box he's in is yanked under him, causing him to crash to the floor. He pulls the box off his head to see another small box shoved on his head, like a helmet. His horns bust though it and he frowns up at Tommy for his unnecessary roughness.

"I don't know where you get it but I can basically hear you from thinking from here." Tommy says harshly, still shoving the box on his head to cover his eyes, "But I still don't get where you think you're useless. You're not useless. You never were and you never will be." He sits down beside him, cross legged as he looks away, crossing his arms. Tubbo takes off the box, trying to tug it off his horns without snagging it.

"When dragons start dying," Tommy starts off, making the smaller dragon freeze in the middle of removing it, "-the person who wished for them has fulfilled their wish or the dragon has lost their will to live. And it depends on the dragon if they want to keep living with their wish maker or make their own path. When they start dying - it's horrific and slow. It's torturous."

"Their vision starts getting blurry and they can't think rationally anymore. Their thoughts become jumbled and fucked up..." Tommy says hesitantly, as if he's not supposed to say it, "Nature has given us dragons and whatever we fuckin ask for, but when they try to reclaim the dragon, there's proof on their skin. If any flowers start growing onto you, let me know."

"How would you know how a dragon dies?" Tubbo raises an eyebrow, "Aren't you human?"

"..." Tommy doesn't answer him, simply uncrossing his arms and grabbing Tubbo by the elbow, just holding his arm. Gently, as if he was to be fragile, as if there were flowers growing out of it. He bows his head and just lets out this deep sigh, as if he's tired of this.

"Just stay in the fucking walls." Tommy nearly whispers uncharacteristically soft, "Just stay alive."

* * *

"So." Dream currently was propped up in a small cushioned chair, his legs were kicked up on the right armrest as he plays with the strap of his mask, his suit slightly disorganized as he looks at a very grumpy Wilbur, "Who wished for a fourth dragon?"

"Me." Wilbur snaps, crossing his arms and grabbing a whole bottle of wine, "You're not taking him either."

"Sure, I totally believe you. You had Fundy, the Berserker and that small one, Tubbo. I'm totally sure you can have three dragons." Dream snorts, leaning his head back near the fire, "I never took them to begin with, you know what happened with Fundy."

Wilbur doesn't respond, angrily ripping the cap off and chugging the whole thing while sticking the middle finger at him. The other just sighs, muttering, "Childish." under his breath.

There's a moment of silence before Dream hums a merry tune, as if a brilliant idea hit his head.

"You're a great leader, don't get me wrong, Wilbur," Dream yanks himself up right, standing up near him with his hands in his pockets, "But you clearly lack the mental capacity of taking care of it. I can help you, we can do it together."

"Since when..." Wilbur hisses, swiping at a small dribble of red wine from his lips, "When were you all about teamwork, Dream? We've been in war for the longest and you still never gave an explanation on why the hell you're so insistent on blowing this place up." He stands up, cocking his head to the side as he jabs a finger into the masked man's suit, "I don't want any part in this mock charity case. _Leave._ "

"Oh come on now." Dream pushes the finger away, throwing both hands up in mock surrender, "Just be mature for once? We can have a reasonable conversation without going for each other's throats, can't we?"

"Why are you here, really?" Wilbur finally sighs, slumping down, "I would much prefer it if we didn't pretend to be buddy buddy."

"Simple." The masked man says, gesturing to the wide room, "I want to make a peace treaty with you."

"No." The other replies just as easily, "You still want to blow up the place. But if we get into a treaty, then it's all okay because we're all friends - just cut the bullshit."

Dream's arms drop to the side, shrugging, "Alright fine, you got me. I wasn't here for some peace treaty or to blow stuff up. I actually came to you regarding to Philza." Wilbur stiffens, his eyes darting back to his sworn enemy, "Yeah, I saw something that might interest you." He digs into his pocket, pulling out a familiar green and white striped fabric and shows it to him.

Wilbur's eyes are blown wide open, blinking, "Where..." He utters, reaching for it and feeling the worn fabric between his fingers. There was even a blond strand in it.

"An enderman was carrying it near some clearing in the woods, near L'manberg. I happened to see a small dragon there, sleeping there without any care in the world." Dream explains, waving his arms about, "I could have stolen your kid there and then but I wanted to be nice and show you this."

Wilbur glances up at him with a glare, "So you were thinking about taking him."

"Honestly, I thought he was the Berserker. There was no way a dragon could sleep there as if he would be protected unless he had the skills to back him up. I was right, a mini soldier in the making, although you won't let him fight." Dream sighs again, shrugging, "Dragons are fascinating creatures, aren't they?" Dream touches his mask thoughtfully, looking off to the door, where he knows the three kids would be, "Resilient to elements like fire or ice, a natural ability to fight and so easy to manipulate with a few nice words."

"You're not taking him."

"Mhm, he's sure loved." Dream leans his mask towards him and Wilbur doesn't have to take off his mask to know that he's smirking, "I wouldn't ever imagine letting you lose your fourth dragon! After all, you've been so careful not to lose or let any of them die."

Wilbur sets the fabric down, "I wasn't the one who killed Fundy-"

"And I wasn't the one who killed him, either." Dream snaps back just as quick, "You know who killed him - you're just in denial. You don't want to believe it."

"You're a great leader, Wilbur, but you're failing to realize," Dream smiles, leaning towards him to cup his shoulder, "The reason why L'manberg was so great back then was the fact that we were all united once. We were one nation."

"Until you betrayed us by blowing up the place."

"Until I betrayed you." Dream agrees, nodding, "Now that I understand what it's like to lead, I can help as well. But I see that you're still stuck in your ways." He shakes his head, sitting down, "Stubborn, regretful and mournful. It's like talking with a brick wall! Even little Tubbo, who probably wasn't born too long ago, is sick of it." He reaches out, being so bold enough to brush aside Wilbur's hair and tucks it behind his ear, "We can be stronger together."

"Dreaaaaam." The masked man's head ticks, glancing at the door. He sees Sapnap laughing awkwardly as he presses two fingers together, "I may have possibly set a fire in the guest bedroom so it's like smoldering..."

Dream sighs deeply, pinching his nose like a parent to a kid's, "Why did you do that." He looks at the fake dragon, pissed off at the interruption. 

"Wanted to make marshmallows." 

"Anyways." He turns back to Wilbur, whose just resorted to glaring dangerously at him, "Think about it. I honestly do want to make a peace treaty. It'll be like old times." 

He turns back, walking away from L'manberg's leader with grace and dignity. Pinching Sapnap's ear again, he drags his friend to the room. Wilbur snorts, reaching over to grab the wine again and walks out the meeting room.

* * *

There's many rumors floating around the DreamSMP but there was one that was very common.

They ate dragons. Any dragon who wandered in there were missing the next day and they would have horn like decoration or purses. Dresses of ivory scales and claws for jewelry. They were enemies of L'manberg for the longest time - so naturally, when they wish to make amends, it's only natural for Wilbur to be absolutely confused and angered. L'manberg was a place where most dragons appeared. 

So when that leader, Dream, displays some sort of stalking routine, Tubbo's scared for his life. He sees him in the corner of his eye when he goes about the castle, the enemy is in the castle and they're treating him like a three star guest. He sees him everywhere, in the garden, in the box fort, even in his room! It doesn't help that Sapnap seemed insistent on showing him his horn collection, as if it'll ease them into being friends.

They were supposed to leave three days ago, yet they're still here, overstaying their welcome and no one seemed too pleased by it. Niki was okay with it, although she was clearly annoyed by Wilbur, who wouldn't sign the treaty. Now they're at a standstill: Wilbur won't sign, Dream wants him to sign, and Sapnap wants to show him his horn collection. Tommy won't let him out of his sight.

He's wary of even being alone with them, so he just sticks to his room nowadays. 

The bad feeling in the castle just keeps piling up and nothing seems to be getting better. It's not like he can distract them and there's absolutely no way in hell they're going to be sappy and talk about their feelings. He couldn't even get Wilbur to open up to him or get Tommy to be on the same page if they're miles away. No one's willing to talk about it. Instead, Tubbo was here trying to connect the dots to find out what happened, when it happened or why.

Everything would be solved if they just sat down and talked about it.

_What was the point anymore? Why bother trying?_

Tubbo was laid out near his garden, looking on at the fake flowers and real ones, watching the bee's pollinate and make honey. His hand was halfway on Tommy's, messing with his blond curls as he stared thoughtlessly ahead. Dream, although he was trying to be hidden, was wearing a purple hoodie, on the roof, simply holding a book. Sapnap was next to him, again, trying to be hidden as he pretended to read from his leader's book.

Why was he watching them? He had no idea. He wish they'd stop.

_Was this some kind of sick joke?_

"Joke?" Tommy mocks, copying his thoughts, "Am I a joke to you?" Tubbo looks down to his friend whose eyes have been dug out. They laid several feet away from him, near the spade, "Tubbo?" His friend cries out, grabbing onto his eyes, "Where... Where are my eyes...?

"Am I the joke...?" Tubbo mumbles in response, standing up and gently laying his 'best friend' to the ground, "Why did I just imagine him without eyes, what the fuck is wrong with my head...?"

He brushes himself off, looking as the world around him begins to distort. The happy sky colors begin blending in with the dark green mossy floor, making a messy color of puke and mucus. Dream and Sapnap were still intact, although their arms had fused into one, holding the book. Their eyes were sewn shut along with their lips. He stands in this broken crayon world and begins walking inside the castle, reaching out for anything to stable himself.

Paper canvas tends to burn more easily.

But there's nothing but blurs between the lines. Faces he knows distorted into inhumane things, eyeless monsters with jagged teeth on their lower lip. There's no rail, there's no floor, only blankness. Pitch black in this empty world. The void.

It calls to him.

Something akin to flesh touches his cheek, stroking it softly. Enticing fruit making him want to follow, had it not scared the absolute shit out of him.

A man with wings reaches out, startling the younger dragon so bad, Tubbo crashes onto the floor, looking up in shock. The only clear thing in the room was this man with grey wings. His blond hair was covering his face and there was Techno's favorite crown on his head. A green overcoat on his body. It holds out again, brushing against his hand. Imploring him to grab on.

~~"find me."~~

He's gone mad, he's officially hearing voices in his head now.

But he does what the man wants and touches his hand by the fingers, following him in the darkness. He doesn't mind where they're going, as long as it's away from that distorted crayon world where all the colors blended in together. Where Tommy still laid with gouged out eyes and jagged teeth. He hates it. That image won't go away - no matter what he does. His best friend was dead, alone in a field and he was eyeless.

"Hey."

The hand he's holding slips out of his grip and his other hand is grabbed, abiet harsher, sharper. Just enough to ground him for a moment. Tubbo blinks, looking up to see a familiar face and a dark green hoodie. Clay looked down at him with emerald eyes filled with concern. Jewel-like eyes.

_How pretty would it look if it was taken out?_

"Where are you going?" He asks.

"Home." Tubbo replies simply.

"Why? Aren't you happy here?" 

"Happy?" Tubbo asks dreamily, "Happy."

Happiness was when he made Wilbur and Tommy laugh with their guts. Joyfulness was when he could accomplish things on his own and be proud of it. To be happy was to smile and be energized. Yet, for the longest time, he felt hollow. Useless when it came to helping out. Helpless against helping Tommy in trivial matters. When he lags behind due to his inability learn how to regulate bad emotions with the good ones.

"I'm happy when others are happy." He answers properly, "I'm happy when I'm sad because that's what I have to be." He smiles at his friend, loopy, "Wouldn't you like it when others are happy? It makes me happy." Tubbo giggles, tugging his hand from Clay's.

"Something's calling me." Tubbo admits softly, looking back to where he saw the king only to meet a tree, black hole in the middle of it, "I don't think I was supposed to exist. I don't think we were supposed to exist at all." He repeats in a mantra, "Do you hear it?"

"No." Clay says, shaking his head, his blond hair gets in his eyes, "I don't hear anything."

"It's because you're human. You're weak like me but I can hear it." Tubbo pulls up his arm, looking at the flesh and he compares it to his friend's.

"It's like a roar. Screeching masses of enderman. Hoards of them - lots of them. Black pillars that could touch the skies but there's no skies. The void." Tubbo extends out his hand, pretending to grab the stars, just like how Tommy did, "There's a mother dragon, crying out because something's gone terribly wrong. Something went wrong. The nest is empty. Where are her kids?"

Tubbo turns back to see Clay's face have the same treatment as Tommy's face. Hollow eyes and a gaping mouth. Jaw locked and crimson red blood pouring out the eyes, "This whole world is wrong." Reality was merging with fiction. Stories wished desperately became reality because everyone wished for it. Hoping to accomplish a dream - it becomes a curse.

He chuckles fondly, looking down at his hands, "Someone should end the world." Tubbo smiles, looking up at Clay again with an excited expression. A grin from cheek to cheek.

_A kid wished for zombies/undead and here they were to tear their flesh piece by piece._

_A lover wished for her husband back to raise skeletons from their graves._

_Witches blind with power become malicious and mad._

Tubbo grabs his head suddenly, gripping his hair tightly. He tries to take a deep breath, but it's shaky again. He keeps trying to gain a semblance of reality. His dreams keep blending into nightmares and horrifically disfigured. Disembodied. Sometimes, it's hard to tell what's a dream or not. It must be in his head to think of something this morbid and disoriented. He's a horrible person for even thinking about it. It's in his head. He's not sick, he's not sad. 

He's just acting out for attention anyways.

_There's nothing calling out to him._

_There's no one but his sick and disgusting thoughts._

_He needs to get a grip on things. He's just going mad._

There's no one to impress. There's no one that he can talk about these violent thoughts. There's nothing, no one. No one. He needs help.

But he's all alone in the end as he sees Clay's body dissipate into dust right before his eyes.

He wakes up with a start leaning against a stonewall in the kitchen, holding a knife in his right hand. He stares listlessly at the hearth flickering uneasily and sees the full moon hanging from the window. Tubbo sleepily blinks, shifting up as he glances at the knife in his hand and the creaking door opening to a small tabby cat.

Dream stares at him at the doorway, holding a lantern. The cat walks over to him, as if it's the most natural thing in the world and settles on him. She mews and reaching up to lick the underside of his chin before curling back up. Tubbo doesn't have time to really adore the moment when Dream is just looking at him with that dead mask.

"What are you doing in here?"

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Symbolism notes:  
> Gouged out eyes usually mean in a dream that they're afraid to learn something about themselves or they're not really able to access the situation at hand.
> 
> Also yes, Fundy was a dragon, but who was the fourth?
> 
> :3 Hope you enjoyed!! Leave a comment if you enjoyed! They help me out a lot!!!


	7. Chapter 7

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> /// Idea of self harm/// It's brief and barely there but better safe than sorry, y'know?

By now, Tubbo realizes how this must look. The weakest link in the political circle of L'manberg was sleepwalking, alone and vulnerable, in a kitchen holding a knife. Quickly, he comes up with the first excuse that comes into mind, eyeing the objects on the mini kitchen island - the only thing between him and Dream.

"I was...." Tubbo carefully shifts the cat out of his legs and stands up, reaching for the first round object he sees. He holds it up with a cheerful smile, holding the knife to it, "Cutting fruit!"

The cat merps quietly, doing a little swiggle dance between his legs before trailing back to Dream, who was still standing at the door way. He bends forward to place the lantern down and crosses his arms. He leans against the door frame, cocking his head to the side while looking up at him suspiciously. The cat grows bored, offering a chirp, leaving back to the hallway.

"Fruit huh." Their enemy jeers, gesturing to the onion in Tubbo's hands, "Sure looks like that excuse was fruitless."

"I happen to like onions!" Tubbo argues back, using the knife to cut though it. He doesn't even have to slice it all the way to let the putrid smell fill his nose. He scrunches it on impact, disgusted by the smell. He keeps a cool eye with his smiley mask and chomps mercessily into it. He flinches at the strong taste, sputtering at first to spit it out by instinct when he realizes that the green man was still looking at him with stoic manner.

Dream remains in his spot, not fazed on the slightest as Tubbo struggles to swallow the vegetable, tears in his eyes. He coughs, covering his mouth with his elbow, the knife was still securely in his right hand.

"I saw you walking to the kitchen so I assumed you were getting a midnight snack. Which was great timing, I wanted to ask you something without that Tommy following after you like a knight in shining armor." Dream starts, stepping forward and shutting the door with his foot. Tubbo eyes him warily as he sets down the onion, the knife in hand as he stays on the other side of the kitchen island. The perfect distance away from the enemy.

"It's late." Tubbo replies, wiping his chin, mindfully wiping his tongue against the fabric of his nightgown to get rid of the taste, "Were you just waiting to get me alone?"

"You were sleepwalking, I couldn't let you go out and be hurt, now could I? What would Wilbur think?" Dream says breezily, leaning back and throwing his hands in a 'whatever' motion, "I can't have a chat with L'manberg's last treasure?"

"I'm not a treasure." Tubbo shoots back harshly, backing away from him when the other leans half his body weight onto the kitchen table, "I'll start stabbin shit." He threatens, holding his knife shakily at him. "Don't you dare get closer, I'll hurt you."

Although he couldn't see though the mask, he had a feeling the green hooded man was smiling under that thin porcelain mask, "Very threatening." He answers, giving a mock small clap with the tips of his fingers, "I sure am scared." He taunts and he can't help but remain anxious and fearful of this man.

_Unpredictable_ , Tubbo just has to be the same with him, _That's how you throw anyone off._

Tubbo narrows his eyes, "What do you want?" He hisses, looking up at the sky to see the big blue moon still standing out. Fuck why did his sleeping habits lead him here out of all places? in a one exit kitchen in the dead of night with a possibly violent masked man who was their sworn enemy??? It was best to get this over and done with so he can sneak his way back into his room, away from the enemy.

He wasn't kidding about that thing where Dream was stalking him, by the way. He's been following after him and Tommy for the last three days, presumably to get Tubbo alone so that he can talk to him for whatever reason.

"What I want?" Dream asks playfully, teasing in his voice, "I want to offer you a deal. And ask you a few questions, you know? Since we're going to be great friends in the end..." He trails off, looking to the right, "It'll make sense when I explain the deal."

"A deal?" Tubbo scowls, stiffening as the other gets off the island and starts making his way, slowly but surely towards him, "I'm not in-"

"Aren't you tired of being patronized?" The other continues easily, completely pushing away the young dragon's words, "I've noticed something, Tubbo. Everywhere you look, there's always someone looking after you. It was very hard getting you alone, I have to admit." He chuckles fondly, bringing a hand to his mouth to cover it as if it was an instinct, causing Tubbo to shift in a confused manner.

"A sheep in a den of wolves." Dream chortles, wagging his finger in front of him, similar to how you would do to a dog if they did something wrong.

This was completely different from how he saw him at the dining table. He was imitating and scary, often berating Wilbur or shooting back insults with Tommy, while keeping a cool profile with him. He seemed friendly, sociatable and not at all terrifying towards him. He seemed nice to him and that's why it was so confusing and conflicting. 

"And I find you in the kitchen, in the dead of night, holding a knife." Dream's hands fall down from his sides suddenly, lunging to snatch Tubbo's wrist with a knife. He yelps sharply, winching in pain as the fiend squeezes it so tight that he drops it. It clatters against the floor, rattling as masked man kicks it under the island, so that it'll be harder to reach it.

He takes back what he just said about Dream not being scary.

And he doesn't let go, holding it a bit more lightly as he stares down at Tubbo's confused face.

"Sorry," He doesn't sound sorry, "I don't like it when sharp things are pointed to me when I'm trying to be nice." His voice is colder now, ice cold so much that it sends shivers up his spine. The young dragon sucks on his teeth, looking down as he tries to tug his hand back to no avail. "Were you going to hurt yourself? Why were you holding that knife, Tubbo...?"

He doesn't let go. His grip was iron-like, angry and bruising. Even if he seemed to lighten up, it was still too tight for the young dragon's liking. He's stupid, stupid for letting his guard down, stupid for thinking that he wasn't this threatening.

"I wasn't kidding about that deal, Tubbo. I do have something to talk to you about."

He's not letting go, it feels like a chain cuff, firm and rigid gloved hands against his flesh. Soft flesh.

Soft eyes.

"Did I scare you? I'm sorry - I didn't mean to..." Dream's voice gets a bit softer, warmer. And it's scary how easily he can slip into a different tone just at a moments notice. His words were as sweet as honey now, compared to just moments ago. His voice was menacing, enough to freeze a dead man's heart into bits. He knew his way around words, he had to be careful around him - yet he can't tell. He can't tell if it's genuine apology or if it was fake because now they're blending in again.

Everything felt like blurred lines again, just like in his dream. He feels this urge to slam him into a wall, maybe the impact could break his organs inside his body. Tubbo slumps down, grabbing the front of his hair as he tries to stumble back, before he does something he'll regret, before he hurts this man who hurt him first.

He doesn't want to hurt anyone.

He feels like there's no eyes behind that mask - he feels as if his teeth are jagged and edged. _Under the flesh lies black blood, of humans, of red of-_

Tubbo has to breathe. He bows his head and tries to intake a breath but it's shaky and he can't focus. He can barely focus.

Dream leans down to try to look into his eyes but he refuses to look at him. Instead, he uses this time to strike. He slams his head against the other's mask with as much strength he can muster, squeaking in pain when he hears a sharp crack. His horns throb as they bash just as harshly into the mask but he manages to stumble back, uneasy on his feet. His horn must have caused a crack or something because he has to pull a tad harder away as if it had broke through and got caught on the mask.

The other instinctively pulls back, reaching for his face as Tubbo scrambles back wildly, blindly grabbing for anything behind him to defend himself with. His fingers graze against a ladle handle and he holds it in front of him, similar to when he was holding the kitchen knife. He grits his teeth, looking up at a trembling Dream across from him - something slips to the ground with clink.

Dream's holding half of his mask, a part of his eyes are exposed to reveal some rich green color in his eyes, furrowed in anger as he stares at the the dragon. His mask was crumbling from that one crack, he could hear the little clicks as it became undone, causing the leader to hold both hands to it, afraid to show his face to him.

Tubbo raises his ladle, as if it can do anything, "Stay away from me." He states firmly, or at least he hopes it's firmly because he can hear the wobble in his voice, "I'll tear out your eyes." He adds for good measure.

He actually does what the dragon says, steadying himself as he rushes out the kitchen door, still holding the remaining pieces of the mask. Tubbo sighs deeply, letting out a breath he was holding in, dropping the the ladle onto the floor. His knees fold from underneath him and he crashes to the floor. He stares at that lonely mask shard across from him on the ground, grabbing onto his throat, panting as if he was dying.

_What the fuck was that?_

* * *

They're gone by the morning, much to everyone's relief.

Tommy, at first, questioned him about the bruise on his right wrist but he was easily able to deflect it somehow and they had breakfast in peace for once. With no suspension and sharp remarks from Dream or a burning glare from Niki.

Niki was still there, yawning as she dipped her fork into her cake. Too bad this was probably the last time they'll see Niki at the table anymore. The only reason why she was sitting at the table was to make sure Wilbur and Dream wouldn't kill each other, but it was still so nice to see her out of the training grounds for once. She drowned herself in work too much that she just tends to forget to take care of herself.

Tommy was in higher spirits than usual, being brighter than the sun with his bandages gone. He's recovered from that horrible rock concussion and his arm wasn't as bad anymore - so he can finally go back to work and guarding the walls when there was no expeditions to do today.

"Tubbo." Wilbur calls out when they finish up. Tommy doesn't wait for him, simply squishing the top of Tubbo's head down and skipping out to his station today. He thinks he's tending to the horses and the right station of the walls while Niki has the left, "Come walk with me."

Wilbur walks over with all his glory, swiping a brown curl out of his left eye and tucks it under his beanie. He's dressed up in his usual attire. A neat and tidy uniform, crisp white and clean. A true image of a perfect leader, Tubbo can't help the small smile that stretches his face from side to side. He reaches out, gently grabbing his right wrist as if he alrea-

"It's nothing." Tubbo says instantly, pulling back as Wilbur freezes at the tender flesh under his fingers, "It's nothing, Wilbur." He repeats again, as if it'll change his mind. Wilbur stares at him, his brown eyes cloud with confliction, a mixture of concern and worry. They clear after a while but there was still a hint of determination burning though them.

"Nothing..." Wilbur whispers thoughtfully before extending to grab his left wrist carefully and pulling him towards his office, "Tubbo, we need to have a talk."

Tubbo squints. Really? He's been trying for literal months to get them to talk about their problems but now he wants to talk, with just him? Not with everyone? He slumps slightly, trailing off as he looks back at Niki and Tommy chatting at the table and back to Wilbur, who seemed determined to 'talk' to him.

On the way, Tubbo looks at the giant paintings adorning the walls of the office. His tail sways side to side on the carpet, cleaning off any dust.

There was a picture of Fundy, a boy with a soft expression. His lips were wobbly as if he was forcing himself to smile for the camera. His carrot hair and horns were tucked under his black button hat, and he had weird orange tuffs of hair that were above his head and past his black cap. He had his hands folded onto his lap as he stared nervously into the flash, unsure of where exactly to look. He wore a black jacket over a white shirt, casual wear. Tubbo eyes his hands, he could see the orange ivory scale of the hands tucked under the large sleeves if he looked close enough.

On the other side, there was that man from his dreams... actually? Tubbo frowns, stopping suddenly as he stares at the man. Wilbur, noticing that he stopped, slows down as well, his serious expression slips into a slightly more mournful expression, looking at the picture.

A man with platinum blond hair was smiling carelessly at him with a lopsided grin. A green and white striped bucket hat covered the top of his hair, but he was holding his left hand in a 'L' format on his forehead. There was a pink haired dragon, Technoblade, on his lap, attempting to eat a box full of matches. He had a little white paper crown on his head and wide red eyes that stared shocked at the technology in front of him.

There was Wilbur there on his left, behind the king with the happiest expression he's seen on him. And on the right, there was a torn image, ripped so that only the suit of the person could be seen.

"A fine king, he was." Wilbur sighs sadly, regret woven into his voice, "The only man ambitious to unite three nations and live. He could do anything but we couldn't do anything for him." He leans forward, letting his fingers graze against the glass, "He went missing three years ago and we haven't been able to find him since. No one can."

~~"Find me."~~

Tubbo's eyes flicker to Wilbur's sadden ones, debating if he should tell him about his dream. But then, who would even listen to a cracked ass dream like that...? That can't be right, maybe he remembered wrong... The man in his dreams had wings, Tubbo tried to rationalize, big grey wings that were hard to miss.

The former king of L'manberg, Philza, he reads at the bottom, had nothing to do with his dreams. Tubbo nods, agreeing with his own statement. There was absolutely no way a missing king who he had no idea even looked like, reached out in his dreams just for him to find him. It was insane, weirdly specific, but insane. There was no way, it must be just a coincidence, there's no way. 

And Tubbo wasn't insane.

* * *

At least that's what he hopes.

Tubbo stares mutely at Wilbur Soot in his most prime state of nature, looking down at the yoga mat in front of him. Wilbur had stipped off all his uniform and was already dressed in a tank top and shorts as he folded like a fucking twig on the floor.

"This..." Tubbo mumbles under his breath, as Wilbur pats the spot next to him insistently, "-is... bonding time?"

"Yes Tubbo." Wilbur beams at him, glimmering in a sunny disposition, "Come come, let's get out groove on and just wind down. No more stress and no more worries. Just two bro's relaxing. As a fuck you to the Dream team leaving."

He's not insane, right?

But Tubbo does what his leader wants, leaning down to sit down on the sky blue mats in the middle of L'manberg's office. They had moved the big brown arm chairs to the side and laid out mats when the leader of their nation begins to stretch on the floor, right in front of his desk. It'll be really unprofessional if someone walked in right at this moment to see Wilbur, their shining star of the nation just on the floor, slacking off.

"I don't know how to do yoga, Wilbur." The young dragon admits, his tail lays quietly on the mat for once, "Why yoga, can't we, I dunno, go on a walk or something?"

"Innovative! Exciting and new," Wilbur gives him a thumbs up with both hands as he tries to copy Tubbo's positioning, "And that's okay! I don't know either, but let's go it together, just do what I do."

Tubbo listens to him without hesitation, throwing his legs in front of him and reaching for it when Wilbur does it, "This hurts my back." He complains, turning to his leader, "Aren't you old, won't this break your back."

"You little brat." Wilbur shoots right back, leering at him, "I bet you're gonna get even older." He snidely remarks, snickering as Tubbo's expression also drops, his head whips back to defend himself.

"That's called growing up." Tubbo replies, raising his left hand to reach over his head and to his right shoulder, "I would ask you about it but I think you already know too much about it."

"Why are you calling me old!?" Wilbur whines, huffing as he switches positions to do... some kind of crab walk??? But it's not a walk, it's more of placing the stomach in the air and letting your back ache. "You just watch, Tub, you're going to get old. You're going to grow facial hair and then I can call you old."

"What...?" Tubbo does it anyways, arching his back as he looks at the incredibly detailed ceiling, "You'll still be older than me, Wilbur, you're contradicting yourself, bitch." 

"You're just like that damn gremlin, I swear to god."

Tubbo grins at that thought, being similar to Tommy felt like a good thing, considering how he came from his wish, whatever it was. A warm feeling settled in his chest, a feeling of contemptment swells. Wilbur notices it quickly, "There's that smile, there it is." He says with adoration, to which the younger dragon huffs, shaking his head.

Tubbo snorts, "You just wanted to do something stupid to see me smile? That's dumb." He sticks out his tongue, to which the older man just scrunches up his face in annoyance.

They continue doing yoga, if it was even called yoga, which mainly just consisted of mindless stretching that hurted or felt natural. Having a small thin tail was useful when he had to sit on his but because then it wasn't like he was breaking it in half. They exchanged quips now and then but they still kept a smile between them, sharing it like it was their last. And it felt so good to smile again without a care - it felt even better when he saw it on the stressed out leader of L'manberg.

He was always too stressed, carrying the weight of a nation on his shoulders. He believed if he wants it done right, then he must do it himself - a fatal flaw that will eventually kill him, Tubbo is sure. Everyone offers help but he'll always refuse. Because he's hurt, because he wants them to live as kids, to live life before it's too late.

Even though Tubbo didn't understand his actions, he still felt like they were connected. Like siblings, even though they fought and disagreed, it didn't change the fact that they were still in good standing with one another. Even if Tubbo wanted to bash some sense into him.

He's careful not to put too much weight on his right hand, winching only slightly when he has to. Wilbur catches sight of it quickly, nothing gets past him and he changes positions pretty swiftly. He doesn't ask about it, maybe he likes to keep it more relaxed today because Tubbo was 95% sure that he would be kicking up a fuss over the thought of him getting hurt, as if he was fragile glass.

After a while, they're done. Tubbo was sprawled on the ground like a dead man as Wilbur makes his way to his desk, sitting down on his chair and simply vibing.

"That was..." Tubbo yawns, slouching as he tries to straighten his back, inching his way to stand up, "Interesting." He smiles loopy at Wilbur who was now completely laying on his desk. He feels a bit better, although they didn't talk except for some friendly banter back and forth. But it felt nice to relax for a bit. Wilbur was on his desk, giving him a lazy thumbs up as the younger dragon began to head out.

The doors burst open before he even reaches them, throwing them both for a loop. Tubbo blinks stupidly as Wilbur shifts a bit to stand up in shock, frowning intensely as the intruder lets out an angry breath, like a bull's.

Tubbo's jaw drops and his eyes light up, his smile grows a bit wider. Then he takes note on how stiff he was, still and angry.

Before him was a man he hasn't seen in months, Technoblade was soaked from head to toe. His crown was nearly falling off his head and there was a crumpled brown note in his black talon hands, gripped so tightly that it made creases in the paper. His wings were visible though the cape and that's because the cape was sticking onto it like glue, making an obvious indent on where it was. His long hair was now chopped to his shoulders, the green scrunchie was nowhere to be found. His ruby-like eyes were narrowed in anger as he scanned the room for the brown haired man in a red beanie.

He gets even more enraged when his eyes lock onto him, stomping past him to slam a brown letter on the desk, his black claws click collectively at once on the brown desk.

"Wilbur." A familiar pink haired dragon hisses out venomously, "Soot. You have some explaining to do."

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hi hiiii, I have grinded out another chapter uwu)/ <3
> 
> There is no symbolism, but I wanted to get more tension and I actually wanted more dream scenes but then I was like, "Wait how can i write this out if Tubbo can't move because he's scared-" So now I added more drama, small wilbur and tubbo bonding time like how I kinda did with Tommy and the box scene... if you can count that.... The fact remains that I tried making fluffy scene and it came to a threatening scene so that's the closest you'll get.
> 
> Thanks for reading! If you enjoyed, please leave a comment! Now i hand uwuwuwuwuuwuwuw's out to the crowd.


	8. Chapter 8

Tubbo leans in his bed, his hands grip the light blue comforter. He stares at the swirling ceiling, letting out a huff and turning towards his window. His little bee figurines and wooden crowns stood on the window sill where the moonlight graced them from the top. He trashes around some more, wildly, trying to get more comfortable but to no use. He ends up with half of his lower half on the floor, his sheets were a mess and they pooled around the bed, decorating the rosewood floor.

_"Where did you hear about that name, Tubbo?"_

_After the initial anger, Techno was just confused on why he heard the name, "Berserker." as if he was afraid of something. The pink haired male had Wilbur's tank top in a balled up fist, yet he was looking back at him, just now realizing that he wasn't alone in the room with an equally confused and angry Wilbur. Even though he couldn't see his eyes, he could tell that he was bewildered._

Tubbo 's gaze sticks to the ceiling again, a cease on his forehead, his horns catch on the fabric of his pillow. He extends his hand to it, grabbing it to hug it to his chest. He has this feeling of... discomfort...? It stuck to him ever since he left Wilbur's office. When Technoblade finally came home, he was expecting to feel joy. They could go on adventures again and they didn't have to worry about L'manberg for a while. They could go out and explore!

Techno could teach him how to dodge and weave traps or attacks while he trained with Clay in secret about fighting. They could find the corrupted nobles with Tommy and clear the evil in the city. They'll hi-five one another and tell each other to get good... He was used to imagine all sorts of things when he came home - and yet-

"I heard it from Sapnap." He says outloud, thinking back on what he replied with. He covers his mouth and turns to the right to gaze upon his dark oak door.

_The two looked stricken, sick to their stomachs as they looked away. They don't say anything, but he feels so small between them, smaller than he already was. Wilbur looked outraged compared to just minutes earlier, where he was smiling without a care in the world. They were having such a good relaxing bonding time...Techno had changed his style, wearing an deer skull on his face this time - it's horns don't match his wings. It stares at him with those dead iries always trying to understand him - even now, Tubbo can't even imagine what he was thinking. He was always bad at expressing himself._

_"It was a name they gave me, Tubbo." Techno bursts out, taking a hold of his shoulders, shoving him back a bit. His talons were gentle, the nails were only small needle points that didn't hurt him, "I just did what I had to do. I had to. That's why I sworn to protect this place."_

_He's lying. He can see Wilbur's desperation in his eyes and feel Techno anxiously awaiting his answer, afraid that Tubbo was going to call him out for it. They want him to agree to it, to just brush this aside when he has so many questions. He's used to just letting it slide off of him and he can easily change the topic with something completely out of left field - but there's an ache in his chest and he feels like he can't just brush this off._

_"Protecting L'manberg wasn't your wish, was it?" Tubbo murmurs, watching as the two sweat, nervously "Why did they call you that then?" He looks up with his sky blue eyes, pleading, "Why did you destroy this place to end up protecting it in the end? What did you do?"_

_In his mind, was this the reason why he was hidden? Were dragons dangerous and that's why it would bring public outroar if the kingdom has two dragons protecting it? Why hide his existence, why was he trying to hide? Was it because everyone was scared of him? Scared of an idea of a dragon? Was he hiding from them or were they hiding from him?_

_He doesn't know, what the hell does he know anymore?_

_A pregnant pause fills the room, but it's all the answers that Tubbo needs. He promptly steps away from them and grab the door. And he just leaves them to sort out whatever they have to talk about. It's clear he's not wanted in there.They don't want to tell him and it hurts, because it's also something Techno wants to keep hidden from him. He always assumed that he was always... always going to be honest with him._

_They're brothers after all..._

_Right...?_

_He should be happy that he was home._

_But why did it feel like he had to force himself to be happy for him?_

In the end, he just locked himself in his room. He lays in his bed, still with nothing to do and just studies at the boring wooden figurines. There's books strewn about the room but he's given up on reading it. Just like his dreams, sometimes the letters just scramble together. He debates on going out to the forest clearing to see Clay, but to be perfectly honest, he just wants to be sad.

What if Clay just mocks him, just to rub in his face that he was right? 

He was always, always dragging Tommy down. Either by a dead weight or by simply existing. He hates it, he hates being useless - even though he barely has enough willpower to do anything about it.

He wants a moment to be just by himself where he doesn't have to force a smile to make others smile. He just wants some time to breathe, to think as clear as he can with his muddled mind and just mope. He doesn't want to smile for them, he doesn't have the energy to smile.

He curls up, hugging his knees with his pillow on the top of it. He lays his head down and just sighs.

* * *

_"Sorry." - Dream_

He doesn't sleep at all that night. He stared at the walls and the ceilings all night and when the crack of dawn appeared, he happened to glance over to the window to see an odd shape outside. He didn't have any violent urges, just looking off and dissociating.

Tubbo stares at the present outside his window, the tag stuck out so that he can read the writing on it. Thankfully it wasn't cursive. He opens his window, careful to not tip over any of his figurines. He takes a hold of it, placing it on the floor and looks out the window again, squinting outside his five story room. 

_How the fuck-_

Wisely, he doesn't decide to question it further. He closes his window with a soft click and dances around the neatly wrapped, eyeing it suspiciously. It was wrapped with expensive glimmering yellow wrap with a red bow. There was nothing dangerous about it - but the fact that it was delivered by a dangerous man, who was, extremely hard to read, was enough to send red alarms though his body.

Still, he reaches out, tugging on the red ribbon to see what's inside.

Inside was one of his fake flowers, the lime green paper was stained with dirt and there was a roll of bandages beside it. Tubbo grasps the bandages and looks at his right wrist, which was now turning an ugly purple. It's been two days but he's already forgotten to even think of patching it up, just allowing it to bruise as he denies the fact that it was hurt in the first place. He lives in a big rich castle, one of the weakest link in the political circle with access to a built-in emergency room, and he just lets himself stay hurt - smart Tubbo.

He touches it lightly, pausing when he feels something inside his skin, where the bruised mark is. He presses on the bump lightly, winching in pain before he gets to work, getting it fixed.

He takes his time getting out of his room, thoughtfully wrapping his injured wrist and throwing the paper flower away in the bin. When he finally takes a step out, he sees Techno outside his door, sitting beside it with his head bowed.

He still had his mask on the top, and his sword was between his legs, stabbed on the floor as he sat, sprawled out against the red carpet. The oil lanterns had run out and he could see him shivering. Was he out here, all day yesterday? And all night? A part of his heart shattered at the thought of an overexerted Techno traveling miles upon miles to just end up sitting out the hallway and trembling.

His clothes are still damp.

He smiles sadly, turning back into the room and grabbing his comforter off his bed. He's careful not to wake him as he drapes the blanket over him. He must be exhausted because he doesn't even stir the slightest. He doesn't move but Tubbo mildly pries his fingers off his sword and sets the weapon in it's sleeve. He places his hands together, tucking it on his sides. He reaches up as high as he can and blows. Small embers light the oil lanterns and he sits down, gazing worriedly at a cold dragon.

Wasn't the Arctic like two oceans away?

Tubbo's tired still, he doesn't even want to leave, he still wants to be sad so he can't muster anything other than a smile right now. He finds himself laying down beside him, tenderly getting under the blanket and closing his eyes. He doesn't want to think right now. He's tired and damn it, he misses him - he's not going to lie. 

He falls asleep at the steady beat of his heart, tucked beside Techno on the floor.

* * *

"What are you doing here, Dream?"

The usually masked man had it off today as Wilbur meets him at Fundy's little grave. Wilbur had a bouquet of flowers, white lilies in his hand that he bought from the morning shops, standing defensively towards the stubborn man. He was sitting in front of it, playing with a golden ring, his sandy blond hair was getting in his face, but he brushed it aside when he saw Wilbur glaring at him from above.

"Paying respects." He replies simply, quietly, turning back and resuming to play with the ring, "You too?"

Wilbur gawking at him, unsurely, "Yeah." He answers, quick short answers. He watches as Dream scoots over so Wilbur can set the flowers down. He grabs a water bottle from his bag and washes the front part of the grave, grimacing at the berrie bits the wild foxes had dropped on it.

He side eyes the enemy, but the other male had no interest in fighting him or mocking him today. Today, felt like a cloudy day, where tension was in the air but never resolved. Nothing to say and nothing to do. But what was really odd was the fact that he had his mask off. That motherfucker hung onto it like a lifeline no matter where he went. To take it off suddenly, just made Wilbur feel like he was intruding on something intimate.

He swallows thickly, "No mask today? You always have it on." Dream glances at him, confusion on his freckled face, "It's odd to see you without it."

"..." Dream doesn't respond to him, settling his ring back onto his necklace and sighs tiredly. He grabs his hair, messing it up and standing up.

"The least you can do is fucking talk to me." Wilbur feels a puff of anger swell in his chest, irritation in his voice, "You can't just _come to his grave then vanish!_ " He shouts at the hooded man, who pauses in his actions. Cool emerald green eyes meet seething brown ones, but none of them are smiling. Wilbur was mad as usual and Dream was uncharacteristically quiet.

"You left him alone there. Niki says I can't blame you but I can!" Wilbur shouts, trying to rile him up or something. He doesn't get to be sad for what happened to Fundy - he doesn't deserve the right to be. This was his son's grave, and he thinks he can just waltz in here without a care?

Over his dead body.

"You killed Fundy."

"I didn't do shit." Dream denies instantly, but he doesn't dare get loud. Those words shoot to him like a bullet, striking fast and precise and it only makes him madder. He says it so matter of fact, like it wasn't his fault. He says it like he genuinely had no part in his death. And it burned him to the core. Wilbur can't help but feel this anger, for _months and for years-_

"Oh Dream, don't get me started on the shit you tried to do - You know what the fuck you did." He emits, crossing his arms, "Don't play dumb."

"Are you seriously going to do this in front of his grave?" The masked fiend asks, reaching for his mask. Wilbur frowns as he pulls out a black one with an angry smiley face on it, drawn with orange, "You're irrational, stupid and helpless when you're angry, Wilbur. I told you, I never killed him. I..." He trails off, looking down at his ring, "...wouldn't have hurt him at least."

"You let him think you were on his side." Wilbur stands up suddenly, using his height to imitate Dream. Dream in response gives him a death stare, tilting his head in annoyance to look into his eyes, "You made it seem like you were on our side with your pretty little words then you blew the place up, and _left him to die."_

"Will it make you feel better if you had a name to put to his murder? You think I wanted him to die? Blaming me isn't going to solve the problem, you're just mad and I'm-" He sighs angrily, reaching up to his hair and physically stomps, "No- No, I'm not getting into a fight with you. It's disrespectful and rude and I have more manners than that." He turns to leave throwing his hoodie above his head. He throws up a peace sign and Wilbur feels something inside him snap like a twig.

Wilbur watches him go, his fists were balled up and shaking, "Don't come back." He hisses, to which the other freezes, "You don't have a right to be sad over his death."

"Or what?" Dream turns around halfway, looking at him with that stupid mask, "Are you going to kill me again? Can you? Do you even have the guts to do that anymore?" He turns around fully, stepping lightly as he leans forward to his face. He removes his mask and smiles brightly, no traces of malicious undertones.

"Go on." Dream breathes in a low voice, placing both hands behind his head, "Kill me. End this."

He can do it right now. His sword was in his inventory, it hung around his waist. It's feels heavy.

All he had to do was grab it.

That's all he had to do, he can kill Dream and avenge Fundy.

"You're weak, Wilbur." His enemy whispers, a wicked sneer on his face as he looks up with his deep emerald eyes, "You aren't going to save anyone with that mindset. You think I killed him, and here I am offering my life and you can't even move."

"You're just going to lose more people if you remain this stubborn." Dream pulls back, slipping on his mask and holding out his hand, "Niki. Tommy. Eret - oh wait, he's gone too, isn't he?" Dream pauses on the third finger, looking up at him and he fucking knows he's smiling under there. He keeps going, pausing on the very next finger, "Not to mention Jschlatt, oh gods, he's still alive, isn't he? I heard he's coming back."

"What? Are you speechless now that I had to be mean to you? Here you were, calling big game and here we stand. I wanted to walk away and not engage with this insult war but you kept going." Dream steps back, shrugging, "Ah well, does it feel better now that you gotten some of it out?"

Wilbur hates him and his cockiness so much. He's too overzealous, smart and coy. He wishes the hooded man stayed dead because this was exactly why he's so wary of this man who knows too much and always had a hint of truth in his words. He dislikes the fact that he knows he's right and he should listen. And it's because of that fact that he's so clever and witty that Wilbur has no idea what the fuck he's thinking.

He has no idea where his ambitions were, where his alignment was and why he was sad over his son's death in particular. It wasn't just because of some grudge and hatred - it was also the fact that he was too unpredictable and wild. Irrational and reckless. There was only one thing he knew about the other-

Dream was a threat and he always knew it.

Wilbur swiftly turns around, stalking back the way he came from. He hears a wheezing laugh, a quick, "Your welcome, dickhead!" then silence.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Cut stuff:
> 
> " When Tubbo wakes up, he's actually sandwiched in. Tommy, at one point comes over and lays on the other side of him. They're still on the floor, but now they're one big pile, tucked under the blue duvet as one big lump. Techno's arm was around them both, draped over Tommy's shoulder - and Tubbo was stuck. His legs were tangled, even getting mixed up with the elder dragon's cape.
> 
> He stays like that, enjoying the warmth and staring at the vase on the opposite side of him."
> 
> ^^ I really wanted to add that part but I didn't know where to go after that, so enjoy this non-cannon fluff.
> 
> Truth be told, I didn’t like this chapter too much because I tried to do a different tatic of disassociating and stuff but I don’t think it went too well. I tried at least lol  
> 
> 
> If you enjoyed! Don't be afraid to leave a comment ^^ I treasure every comment because it gets me to world building and planning!!


	9. Chapter 9

"I wasn't planning on lying to you. I never had any intentions to do that."

"But you did." Tubbo shakes his head, a crease on his forehead, "It doesn't change the fact that you did."

In the courtyard, there lies an abandoned greenhouse filled with the most lush and vibrant plants to be seen. Overgrown and unattended to, this used to be a hideaway for Fundy, Niki, Techno, and Tommy. Away from the war where they would play hide and seek at, with the elder dragon who would never care enough to actually go find them. Now, it was often too many memories for Niki and Tommy to bare, with Techno being indifferent to it.

After he was awoken in that hallway, Techno had ushered him in there with a promise to explain... mostly everything. Tubbo would be disgruntled but it was the tiniest chance of the truth so he could care less. It was a trace of the truth and honestly, after being lied to for the longest about Techno's true identity, he couldn't ask for anything else. Especially since it was someone who he admired greatly.

They sat at a rusty garden table for two, the chairs creaked from the unstable stones underneath, uprooted from the trees overgrowing roots. Tubbo still had his blanket with him, curled up as Techno was untucking his cape off his boots and behind him, on top of the chair so the white fluff wouldn't get dirtied on the mossy stones.

The mad dog of the empire sat across from him with the most vulnerable expression, his mask off entirely to show his sincerity. He sits with his legs up, fiddling with his thumbs and looking down like a lost kid. Tubbo sometimes wonders who's the younger one with the elder dragon looking like this.

"I'm not ashamed of it, really." He looks at him in the eyes this time, ruby eyes flare with passion, "I just prefer if you still admire me as a hero rather than a villian."

"Why is that?" Tubbo asks, tilting his head questionably, "Even now, you're protecting this place. I still admire you because you're still a good person."

Techno sighs, shaking his head now and avoiding his look again, "Not really."

"What... what do you mean?" Tubbo stands up from his seat, standing up to look around the worn and haunted greenhouse. His blanket slips off, dropping to the floor and surrounding the small single chair. His eyes catch on the fogged up window, dirt coated the window. He walks to it, his fingertips touch the glass, watching as the dirt sticks onto his fingers.

"I know you feel it too." He turns around halfway to see the pink haired male looking at his own hand, black and scaly, "The burning urge to do something... anything... It's the passion that drives us mad, you see. Whether it's small or big, it just keeps coming. The overwhelming urge to be something - to do something." He closes his fist, looking up with ruby slits, "Even murder of people or small animals."

Tubbo feels his stomach drop, "You... know...?" He whispers, looking back to see his bee farm subconsciously.

" 'Course." Techno stands up, gesturing around the abandoned greenhouse, "Other than us, the only living things in here are the plants. There used to be birds here. Some small squirrels... of course I kept it away from the human kids." He doesn't smile when saying it, looking down at the stones, "The passion kills us. Slowly. It's not pleasant and those small critters sure don't deserve it. Like a bottle with no lid, it spills out all at once."

"But we can't help it." Techno smiles grimly, kicking a small pebble across the floor. It skips over the first few and settles on the fifth bounce, "It's what makes us. The will of the people, their drive, dreams and passion. How can we refuse something that creates us? Fulfillment and completion, call us OCD won't they? By human standards, we're viewed as cruel. But it's what we have to do, to fill this empty idea of being 'perfect' to our wishmaker's ideals."

"We don't have a choice to come or not." He grabs Tubbo's arm gently, his claws slide against his bandaged arm effortlessly, but he can tell he was being as careful as he can be, "And humans often abuse us. Some are nice and some are not."

"I'm..." His bruise feels a lot more tender as he looks up unsurely at him, "I think most of them are nice. Some are scary - but I'm sure they're nice too." He thinks of Dream with his cardboard smile. Cruel words laced with sugar, harsh actions with kindness paid back.

If Dream intended to hurt him, then he wouldn't have given him the bandages.

"Some are yes. Wilbur is a mad man. He lets his anger speak for him most of the time and Tommy's just the same, fury and passionate. Dedicated. Driven to the point where he has to be on this perfect pedestal." He lets go, letting the brunette's hand fall back down to his side, "At least they're honest with their intentions. They don't plan to hurt us or use us for our power or skills. Our... insatiable bloodlust and passion that knows no bounds. There's no stopping point."

"I came from..." Techno begins, choking up. He takes a moment, clearing his throat and grabbing his skull. He places it securely on, tightening up the strap on the back of his head. His pink hair, that used to be long, just seemed so different. "My wish was to destroy everything. Every being, every building. Every soul. I set stuff on fire and I watched it burn. I watched as their skin melted and peeled, their bloody screams and twisted mannerisms. I watched them decay and beg for mercy. It's true."

"It's true?" Tubbo echoes, too shocked at the amount of detail to say any other response.

"Yeah. I don't deny it." The deer skull stares back at him, in his soul, "But it was my choice to protect. I made my own ambitions, my own drive into protecting this place that I care about. If it wasn't for Philza being disappointed in me, I would have kept doing it." He smiles sadly, again, reaching for the crown, "I made a promise to protect this place for him. Just for him. Only for him." 

Tubbo pauses, too shocked to actually do anything. What does he do when it's proven right in front of him? Here, he was finally getting the answer he wanted for the longest - yet he felt like he should be mad at him. He should cry in shock or cry--

But a part of him understood.

"Do you..." Tubbo begins, uncertain on how to word it as he looked up at the elder dragon, "Do you think this world is wrong? Should this world burn?"

"Yes." Techno replies immediately, "I want to destroy it too. I want to restart, I want to respawn and live as a human so I don't get these violent urges to hurt something I care about." He smiles, leaning forward to cradle his head between his talons, "But I also want to appreciate the people I care about." He squishes his cheeks together, earning a squawk from him, and a chuckle from the older one.

* * *

"You were right." Tubbo grunts, using the shield to dodge another of Clay's jump crits, "Techno was a violent dragon. I heard the story from him myself."

"Oh?" Clay sidesteps his swing and puts up his damn shield again, "Wait, he came home from the Arctic?"

The younger dragon takes another moment, huffing when his swing results to another shield dodge, "Yeah. He got mad when I asked him about the Berserker name. He wanted me to still look up at him so he kept me in the dark." He gasps when he sees Clay's legs try to kick the side of him so he would fall, "Fuc- No!" He tries to shift his legs in time but-

It turns out fruitless because it was a trick and his friend gets a crit off him, from above. Thankfully, after the first incident of nearly cutting him into two, they both resorted to wooden axes so the only damage has had was more bruises than actual flesh tearing. Tubbo falls back, letting his shield down to the ground as he takes a moment to recover, "Jesus, you're so fast."

Clay smiles goofy, bashfully as he rubbed the back of his neck, "Haha, yeah I'm the best, aren't I?"

Tubbo smiles back at him, shifting his shield onto his right hand. His wrist protests against the sudden weight of the shield compared to the wooden axe, but he presses forward, "Okay, let's go again!"

Clay nods swiftly, getting ready again, "So are you mad at him for keeping you in the dark about the horrible truth?"

"Not really." His friend blinks at that confused as Tubbo takes that time to strike. He's too rash because it hits his shield at the perfect moment, "You and your damn shield!" He whines as the human laughs at him.

"My shield, my best friend." The freckled man taps the front of his shield, "Saved me plenty of times, haha. Anyways, you were saying?"

"I understood it. He didn't want to do those things but he had to because... I dunno." He continues, shrugging slightly but resuming battle positioning, "It's okay because he's trying to make up for it by protecting L'manberg."

"Mmm." Clay swipes at him, shuddering to a stop when he sees Tubbo's shield shake due to his wrist fighting the weight. His gaze pins to his wrist, his eyes lose a little light in them, "... You're still hurt?" He utters, shocked and quietly.

Tubbo lets the shield drop to the ground with a thud, "Yeah...." He smiles awkwardly, "It's been weeks since I got this injury but it's still bothering me." He grasps his wrist firmly, shaking it around like a limp noodle.

His friend pauses, eerily staring at him. He barks out a cynical laugh, sways from side to side as he walks forward towards him. Clay pats his shoulder, clapping it, leaning down to collect his shield and axe that had fallen on the grassy floor, "Take five, we don't need to keep going. Don't push yourself."

"That green bastard is sure scary." Tubbo sighs, shaking his head, "He bruised my arm with his iron grip. How do you have a leader like that?" He watches as Clay hums, raising his shoulders in a questioning motion, "Seriously, someone as scary and indifferent as him can't be someone like you. You're like the nicest person I know in DreamSMP area. But then again... I only know like three people in here..."

"Kick him in the balls next time you see him." Clay offers with a smile, digging in his bag to pull out some jar with a pink gel liquid, "Yeah, the guy's scary but he's nice. I promise you." He waves him over, to which Tubbo trails after obediently, sitting down on a log as his friend dresses his wound, "Just misunderstood." He tacks on like an afterthought.

"What's so misunderstood about him?" Tubbo's baffled at the idea of it, shaking his head violently, "You should have seen the way he was arguing with Wilbur! He had such cold comebacks and threatening aura... Sapnap was scary too, his right hand man? He had like dragon horns on him, you were not kidding when you told me he liked collected them..." He shivers at the thought of it, "To see something that you're so used to looking in the mirror, just gone as an ornament for a human... horrifying..."

"Well..." Clay unwraps his wrist gingerly, letting the white bandage fall away, "Being accused of doing something wrong when you didn't would drive anyone to be mean towards them." He opens the jar, lathering something sticky onto his skin, "Sapnap... is a wack job. He's sick in the head - stay ten feet away from him." He huffed a laugh, "Lived in the same village as that guy when he was younger and not as famous, still has some screws loose..."

"This should help..." He trails off when his thumb smooths over his lump, "Is that a petal? Why is there a petal growing out of your skin..?"

"Huh?"

Tubbo looks over, mutely looking at a yellow spot sprouting from that bump. He sputters, pulling his arm to him and frowning. A flower? It's a squiggly line but there's no doubt about it. It's feathery soft and it's poking out of his flesh, a thin green vine also sprouts from his skin. That bump must be a seed, a plant? A petal? Why...?

Then it hits him.

> _"When dragons start dying," Tommy starts off..._

He drops to his knees, Clay remains where he is, just as confused when Tubbo remembers Tommy's words as if he was here, right now. Right next to him - but he knows he's not.

> _"Nature has given us dragons and whatever we fuckin ask for, but when they try to reclaim the dragon, there's proof on their skin. If any flowers start growing onto you, let me know."_

"I..." Tubbo mumbles, eyeing the bandage. He grabs it and bandages it quickly, hastily, "I have to go." He whispers pulling away from him, placing the bandages back down on the stump.

"Go where?" Clay asks, worry evident on his tone, "Hey, are you okay? What's wrong?" He grabs his other wrist, stopping him abruptly, "Why are there flowers growing out of your skin? That isn't scientifically possible - is this a dragon thing? Is it something I should be worried about?"

"No." He shakes his head wobbly, looking up to give him the best reassuring smile, "No, no, It's nothing to worry about." He tries but it slips to an unsure smile, too afraid - too scared.

He's sick to his stomach, his legs are shaking and dread fills him. He pulls the bandages too tight, they hurt his skin. This can't be real. This can't be happening. This isn't real.

His human friend doesn't fall for that half-assed lie, his grip gets tighter, but releases just as quickly- remembering something. It still remains on his wrist, but it was more of a glorified loose grip now. The air between them gets tense and Tubbo swallows thickly as if he was a kid in trouble.

"Then what's with your reaction...?" Clay mumbles, narrowing his emerald eyes, anger dances in them, "I'm not stupid. You're trembling. You're lying, there is something wrong!" He shouts.

"It's nothing!" Tubbo lashes out in response, shoving him back harshly and stepping away from him. Clay lets go in shock, due to his aggression and stumbles on the ground. He's not used to him being angry like this, not used to Tubbo being physically angry. He doesn't snap like this, he's being suspicious. Of course Clay will notice when something's wrong if he acts like this. The other is smart, he'll figure it out.

But he's scared. He can't think straight when he runs off, back towards L'manberg. He doesn't think, he doesn't worry. He leaves a confused Clay on the ground, watching him run off.

He doesn't know what the fuck to do.

* * *

He's dying. Something happened and now he's dying. The yellow marigold petal was evidence of it. On his skin, unnatural. Flourishing under his skin.

How the fuck was he going to say, "Oh hey, by the way, I'm dying because I have lost the will to live." Or "Tommy has moved on to the point where he no longer needs me, because I was helpless until the very end." He can't. He can't tell them because they'll blame themselves. If anything can be done, he can't even imagine leaving them mourning another death.

He already saw what Fundy's death did to them.

Niki was a tornado of anger and grief, Wilbur was reckless and aloof, Tommy acts like a big man but Tubbo can tell that he regrets it because there's this fire behind his eyes that screams out, _I need to do this, I need to fix this._

_I have to be enough._ Tommy's always busy trying to make up for the things that Fundy did. To be enough to keep doing it hopes that his memory can live on. And Tubbo can't even live, apparently.

His heart hurts. He wants to cry. 

Instead, he looks up the ceiling of his room and just breathes. That's all he's ever done.

Breathe and hide.

Breathe and try.

Breathe and lie. 

"Gods, I hate this." He curls up, hugging his knees to his chest, "There's no way I can tell them that I'm dying. They don't need that, they don't. We're in the middle of a war and I'm dying. What's more important, a dragon dying or a whole nation dying...?" The answer is obvious. It's simple. They might not think so - but if you looked at it from a tactical perspective, it's better if he died far away and alone so they don't get affected by it.

He just needs to fix this problem himself. With no one knowing or having... any idea that it's happening. He isn't sure how to do it, honestly. He's as open as they come, greeting people with a smile and a cheerful personality. When he's sad, it's like everyone knows instantly, like his emotions had a rippling effect on the nation.

He's not good at hiding his emotions, he was good at persuading others not to think about it. He's good at distracting people. He's good at waving and smiling, like a trophy in a glass box, watching events go by while he stands on the sidelines.

_What if we talked about it?_

The answer to solving everything was easy, wasn't it? All they had to do was talk about the years of inner emotional trauma and grief of a loved one, only to come to the conclusion that it was happening again. All Tubbo had to do was unearth that can of worms: Someone else was dying the exact same way their beloved soldier was - flowers on the skin and the undeniable lack of will to even live anymore.

He was useless to the end. He doesn't have right words, he doesn't have the right thoughts. Even though he knows that his death would be just a dark smudge on the books, because he barely put any effort into the war due to Wilbur's overprotective nature - they'll argue regardless. He was valuable to the war! He made a difference! He was worth the materials and tools for the war.

_What war?_

DreamSMP has expressed multiple times that they wanted peace - but Wilbur was insistent on refusing it.

_Why?_

Tubbo blinks, trying to think.

Tubbo was a thinker and soon to be fighter. He made countless plans to defend the land and fight the enemies. He watched Tommy and Wilbur fight before, to defend the land but... Not once, he realizes, that he's seen the soldiers leave the walls. They only march inward, waving as if they just returned from fighting. But they never marched out. 

Usually, he sits up, grabbing his head as a huge migraine fills his ears, white noise. Usually, he wouldn't worry about small things like marching in or out, but he can't help but let his mind wander to just stop thinking about his impending death.

All this time, where were those offensive attacks he coordinated happen at? He made several plans about ways to attack but now that he thinks about it, they never actually went to the area. They never instigated a war with them, but the soldiers were often training, inside the walls. He remembers back when he snuck out with the giant watermelons on his head, and the tired guards who didn't even question him or Tommy, at all. 

Like they were used to not taking suspicious people seriously, laid back and unattentive.

They invited the enemy to stay overnight, the very villain they were fighting like a three star guest.

Naturally, if they were so scared of Tubbo going out due to his telling signs of being a dragon, why did they seem so indifferent with Sapnap, who collected dragon horns for fun? It can't be because they were afraid he was going to get kidnapped or sold if they let a fucking dragon collector inside the walls... would they?

Dream wouldn't be... fighting them if they wanted peace right? They acted like they had the upperhand in a fight, blindingly cocky and confident. They wouldn't want to make peace with a nation that attacked them, would they?

Everything was so contradicting. Wilbur doesn't want him to be hurt, but they never teach him how to defend himself. They tell him to stay in the walls but they never stop him when he goes out with Tommy or to the grassy clearing. They claim they're in war but the soldiers never went out to fight in one. The only ones that really went out the walls were Tommy and Wilbur.

Wilbur was always worried about a war - but have they actually ever been in one this entire time?

_Whose eyes did Wilbur dig out with his thumbs? Who attacked him and Tommy?_

He's being too paranoid now, this was stupid. Tubbo has to figure out what to do to stop this mess. Not go into a big conspiracy spiel of the war, if there was even a war. He grabs the side of his head, looking down at his sheets. The crickets outside seem so loud, so earth shattering loud, his head hurts so bad.

"Tubbo."

He jumps, frantically scrambling to the back side of his bed to see Tommy looking down at him, worriedly, "Tubbo."

"What's- What's up?" He stutters, his arm feels heavy, he's aware of how hastily it was bandaged up now, he can see the indent if he looked carefully. Does he know? He's so serious, his friend's expression is stony as he looks at him.

Finally, Tommy cracks a smile at his reaction, hackling as he points back at the door with his thumb, "Dinner's ready." He reaches out and holds his hand, "Let's go together ay?"

He lets his warm spread out to his hand and he looks down the entire time, allowing him to lead him anywhere. He should tell him. He should say it. They should talk about it. But he's scared. Anxiety and uneasiness fills his lungs - he can't.

It's just a petal. It's not a flower. He's not dying right away so he smiles.

Just another day.

Just another month.

He just wants to live happily for whatever remainder he has left.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Yellow marigold mean passion and creativity. They also represent cruelty and jealousy. A cruel fate Tubbo was designed for and passion he was born.
> 
> Uhhh and if you're confused on what Techno is saying, it's basically passion that causes them to be violent. It's a dragon thing where they have to complete what they set their minds on. Ambition is dangerous and they need to release the overwhelming and building violence or else they'll hurt someone they care about or small animals. Since Techno fights to protect the walls, that's his counter.
> 
> Compare to Tubbo, he's sheltered in the walls and is told that he can't do anything. With no way to properly release the violent passion or to fulfill his ambitions, he resorts to helpless animals because he can't do his wish, the thing he was meant for to complete.
> 
> If you liked it, feel free to leave a comment down below C:, It helps me plan my ideas (And realize some plot holes) that I will eventually patch up! :3


	10. Chapter 10

It's currently night, right after dinner, after that slow dinner where Techno seemed insistent on annoying Wilbur. He was spreading stupid ideas like, "What if I brought Tommy and Tubbo to the Arctic for two years?" or "I'm not going back Wilbur, fucking make me." While putting up his feet on the dinner table. He had his deer mask on so it was hard to tell his expression but he sure could tell Wilbur's trembling fists.

_He feels Tommy staring at him in concern but he ignores it because that's what they all end up doing anyways. He focuses on the food on his plate, the leafy greens._

_Taken out by a flower._

He sits up, pushing his plate, "Sorry. I'm full today." He can't think of some good excuse and he can tell how Wilbur's eyes flicker with concern as well, "I ate some cake with Niki today." He lies with a smile, waving as he ducks to his room.

No one follows him, which he's grateful for. They probably sensed that he wasn't in the mood. He's always sad, in his room - but isn't this what they wanted in the first place? For him to be tucked away, in their little world...

_Alone_

He finds himself wandering in Wilbur's office, back to that hallway with those haunting portraits, memories of the past. He's standing in front of his desk, where he could see countless paperworks had filled it. A single lit candle was dangerously near the papers so he removed it and tucked himself in his chair. He lays there curled up and staring at the pictures on the desk, ones that he had taken care of.

There was a picture with Fundy and Eret, a man he hasn't actually seen before. Eret was wearing black shades over his eyes with a cocky smile. He had brown fluffy hair, neatly combed. It was a wild contrast compared to Wilbur's untamed curls under the beanie. And Fundy had no hat on, those orange tufts were still up - oh wait, were those horns? They were..! He can see how stiff they were - he was able to hide it with his hair it seems, gelling it up so it was hard to notice unless you looked closely.

Tubbo blinks, noticing how he was trying to shove the camera away with his completely scaled out hand. Eret however was embracing the camera, welcoming the attention.

He was giving a thumbs up while Fundy was frowning a bit, displeased with the sudden picture. They were at a beach, it seems like it, smiling under the sun without a care in the world. Now, Tubbo looks away from the picture, outside the giant window behind him. Firefly lights danced on the street and no one was out in the streets. Not this late at night.

"Ah." Wilbur shuts the door behind him with a quiet thunk, "So that's where you are. Tommy went looking for you, did you guys have a fight?"

Tubbo peeks over the mountain of work, "No." He replies, short and sweet, right to the point.

Wilbur sighs, swiftly walking to his side and peering over. He looks at Tubbo worriedly, "I'm not going to ask what's wrong because I already know you want to join the war." He kneels down and grabs the hand holding the photo, "How can I convince you to drop it? I know I say it constantly, but you _need_ to keep your identity a secret. We can fight this war."

"Who are we even fighting?" Tubbo finds himself asking, watching indifferently as his leader's one visible eye widens slightly, "Something's not adding up." He says it matter-of-fact and doesn't elaborate. He can tell that it struck a nerve with him because Wilbur doesn't respond at all.

You could hear a penny drop in the room, cut the tension with a knife and he still wouldn't respond. He wants to be told that he's wrong. That they were in a war this whole time - all WIlbur had to do was say the nations name. But he's not saying anything. His paranoia was true.

There was no fucking war in the first place.

"What if I run away?" He brings up suddenly, "Why do you even have me if I'm useless? I can't do anything, I'm so sick of this." He whispers, placing the photo down and standing up, "Wilbur. There's nothing I wouldn't do for you. But you can't tell me that nothing is wrong and I shouldn't worry about it if you had to fake a whole fucking war to keep me inside these walls!" He screams harshly, standing up and shoving him away.

"We're..." Wilbur's sweating, adjusting his collar as he tries to regain composure, "We're fighting the DreamSMP."

Tubbo tilts his head curiously, "If we were fighting them, why did we let them in a couple weeks ago? You kept me inside the walls and you sent Techno far away from the walls. Something's not adding up, you're always lying to me, you're all lying to me!"

He wants to cry. All this grief and sadness was finally spilling out. Months of violent urges, pent up anger and contradiction, he can't smile and pretend it's okay. He's can't do this anymore, it's killing him.

"The only public existing dragon is Techno right? So it makes sense if you sent him away, outside the walls where it'll be harder to get him. Tommy looks at me like I'm weak and you don't refute it. Like you guys know something I don't. Like I'm some fucking doll to keep smiling and pretend that it's okay. We need to talk about this. We have to talk about this, we can't live like this!" Tubbo snaps forward, gripping Wilbur's collar and ripping it down to his level,

"You know I'm right too. I've always been saying, let me join the war, let me help..." He chokes up, unsure as he looks to the ground, "There was no war in the first place."

Wilbur's face was twisted in dread and guilt, "You have to stay in the walls." He results too, making Tubbo let go by grabbing onto his wrist and pulling it away lightly.

**_Lightly. Tenderly. Gently._ **

"Why? Please. Just tell me. Let's talk about this."

**_Softly. Carefully. Effortlessly._ **

"There's nothing to talk about because you need to stay safe."

Something inside him snaps like a dam and he's forward within moments, slugging a fat punch against L'manberg's high and mighty leader. He stumbles, crumbling to the ground due to the fact that... sweet little Tubbo had just punched him across his mouth.

Tubbo stands before him, tears spilling from his cheeks. They drip onto the floor in small splatters but the carpet drinks them up greedily. His teeth are gritted, chaining his tongue from saying anything reckless, stupid, "Nothing to talk about? Are you serious, Wilbur Soot?" He hisses, gesturing to the room, "The biggest elephant in the room and you can't see it? You can't see this whole secret war bullshit being a big problem?"

"Don't treat me like I'm about to break." Tubbo cries out, shaking his head. He ignores the fact that he's going to die, he should treasure this moment or tell him. But the moment he says that's dying to him, won't he seem weaker than he's letting on? "I'm not weak - I don't need protection. You made it seem like our whole nation was in a war to keep me inside the fucking walls! Just how far does this lie go?"

"It..." Wilbur shakes his head, getting up, approaching too fast for his liking, "Listen Tubb-" 

"All I've been doing is listening! I hear what the hell you guys think of me, how Techno cares for me, how Tommy looks at me! Poor Tubbo, so cute and helpless. So useless and so effortless!" Tubbo shoves him back again, "I'm not doing this again! You're not going to hug me and tell me it's okay! I'm not fucking doing that again!" He can't handle this, his heart feels like it's going to explode. It hurts so much.

"You.. you need to calm down." Wilbur sputters disparagingly, watching with wary eyes as the young dragon eyes the window, "Don't... do anything stupid."

"Too late." He blows a puff of fire near Wilbur, to scare him off and jumps at the window. His finger unlocks it quickly and he's off. He ignores Wilbur's shout and slides down the scales. He slides down the steep castle roof and runs off, into the woods. In his mind, there's constant hammering and he can't think but there was one thing clear.

He's not going back.

He refuses.

* * *

"Un...der..."

Arms grab at him.

"TNT... ground..."

Tubbo squirms, backing away.

" _Fin d me....e"_

* * *

He's alone in the world now. He avoids crowds and anything relating to L'manberg, knowing that they're probably looking for him, to drag him home. It's been only a few days, but he can tell that there was several search warrants out for him. The thing was, he had no plan, he had nothing to do. He didn't want to return home, when that place was a lie in the first place. He didn't want to go to Dream, because the guy scared him and he didn't want to go under anyone's rule, under anyone's protection anymore.

So he's out here, homeless and eating berries out on a summer day. Thankfully, before he fully left, he had packed a bag full of basic survival supplies outside and hidden outside of the walls so he wasn't exactly going to suffer while he was out here.

Maybe he'll make a new nation by himself. Maybe he'll do something big in his life.

He sighs, looking down on his right arm, caked with fully bloom Marigolds. If he lived long enough, that is. He tried to cut one the other day, but it just grew back quickly, tricking out blood every time he tried - so he ended up getting woozy after the first two. They grew angrily on his skin, he could see the vines spreading out under his skin, sapping his blood and tiring him out easily.

At least he can die peacefully. Outside and away from the walls. It's a shame that he didn't get to say goodbye to Techno and Tommy. And the last thing that Wilbur has to remember him by was the argument they had. Clay would never know what happened to him and that's okay too. He was just a boy he met in the woods, he doubts he's made a lasting impression anyways.

He can die alone in these woods and no one has to remember anything.

He finds shade and sighs, curling up and trying to sleep.

Maybe he'll die in his sleep.

* * *

Or so he thought.

A man presumed dead was in front of him, Eret, waving his hand in his face, "Are you alive kid?" He calls out with an uneasy smile. Tubbo stares at him stupidly, seeing his black shades cover his eyes, "You shouldn't sleep here. He'll catch you." He pauses, taking a good look at him, "Dragon..."

He covers his mouth, looking away, "Shit we can't stay here, we have to go." He leans forward to which Tubbo scoots back a bit, "We don't have time, he'll come."

"Who?" Tubbo echoes unsurely, frowning when Eret lets out a big sigh.

Eret reaches out, catching his hand when Tubbo tries to scramble away and forces him up. He slugs his bag over his shoulder and drags him along, somewhere. Tubbo frowns at the rough manner, unable to keep up with the long man's strides, "You're Eret, aren't you? What are you doing? Where are you leading me??"

Eret's head turns back slightly, "You know me? Huh." He mumbles, tugging him along urgently, "That means you're one of Wilbur's men then, shit."

"You were his men too, I thought you were dead from the way he talks about you." Tubbo stumbles, yelping as he narrowly avoids a branch to the face, "But you're alive?"

"He wishes I was dead, but I'm not." They stumble upon a mansion, an eerie tone with blackstone walls and blackstone bricks. Nether bricks and a broken iron fence,

"We don't have mu- hide!" He suddenly shoves Tubbo into a thorny rose bush with his back. Tubbo gasps as it scratches the hell out of him, his cheek is bleeding but he's secretly hidden - for whatever reason. The thorns loop around his marigold flowers, tearing them painfully from his skin.

"Eret, my right hand man, welcome back." Another voice calls out with joy, Tubbo rights himself in the bush, trying to move as less as possible, "How was your temper tantrum?"

"As annoying as you, Jschlatt sir." He can't see so he has to focus on hearing the conversation.

"Good good." He hears clapping on the back, "I heard my old friend came back from the Artic. You think you can take him?"

"With all respect, you know he'll kill me."

"You're already a dead man walking, what's one more going to do?"

"It's suicide."

"Yet it's our only option, Eret. We need another dragon." Tubbo swallows, looking down at his tail, "And we need him. Tell him, I dunno, that we found Philza or something."

Tubbo has to grab at his mouth to stop the gasp coming from his mouth. They knew where he was? The king that vanished three years ago, they know where he is??

"He thinks I'm dead too."

"Cut the shit, Eret, everyone thinks you're dead, you faked your own death, fucker." A pause, "Get it together man."

There was a few footsteps walking away, and he's aware of the ones heading towards him. Eret pokes his head though, offering a hand and pulling the smaller dragon out. He tugs him along wordlessly, dragging him inside. They reach a door, assumingly his room, and they both stay in there before Eret begins.

"I can get you away from here in a few days. Just stay here for a moment. You shouldn't be out in the woods."

"Why?" Tubbo huffs, backing away from him, "I don't need any pity, I can protect myself."

"Great, Stubborn just like Wilbur. Sure buddy." Eret groans, covering his face with both hands, "Whatever, sure. Expose yourself, I don't care. But I'm telling you, this is the safest place you can be in this area, okay?" He points to the ground, in this lavish room.

"Why didn't you give me up?" Tubbo questions, looking up at the man, "You could have easily told him. If you know where Philza is, I can offer my help. I don't have long anyways so I don't mind-"

"No." He lets out a scoff, "Fuck no. You don't even know who I was talking to. Don't worry about it." Tubbo feels a tick at that last statement, irritation still from Wilbur's insistence, "I just need to get this guy and I can get you out."

"Why help me?" He shakes his head, "I'm dying anyways, see?" He holds out his arm, showing him the five yellow marigolds blooming on his skin, "So if you need help, you and your boss, I can help."

"You don't even know what he's after and trust me." Eret seizes his shoulders, "For humanity sake, don't." His voice grows cold, Tubbo winches at the grip, bruising. Tubbo steps back, looking up at Eret with defiance.

"Why?"

"Because you're one of Wilbur's men." Eret answers simply, "Now shut up and stay here."

He isn't allowed to answer because the dead man walks out without another word, ending their conversation then and there. Tubbo stands in the middle of the room and he can't help himself if he lets out a grunt of frustration, reaching up and scrambling his hair wildly.

Out a cage and in another one. _Great._

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Tubbo's just desperate for answers, he keeps saying why and i dunno how to change. 
> 
> I'm??? Not too happy with this chapter?? I was going to add a beach scene to try to relax from all the trauma and Techno was going to be like a cat, hating water but I decided against it and wanted to give Tubbo some freedom. :3
> 
> Inside the walls into another, when will he learn
> 
> If you enjoyed, feel free to leave a comment! Uwu)/
> 
> Also also also, if yall wanna be friends... add me on discord at red#4171, I need more mcyt friends :.3


	11. Chapter 11

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> ////TW body horror////
> 
> Check the end of the notes if you wanna hear the short and less bloody version of the second section, which contains the body horror.

Tubbo's like this now. Just staring in an empty room except his life is in moral danger and he could give less of a shit. He's literally dying in a presumed dead man's room but okay, he guesses he'll survive long enough for him to get him out of here. 

While he was here, he's discovered many things that Wilbur kept from him. Such as this place belonged to a traitor of L'manberg and it was so severely shunned that there was no traces of it on any maps he's seen. A violent dragon with a bloodthirst more vicious than Techno's, as Eret tried to explain to him, warn him. Schlatt was one of the three generals of L'manberg and he was the second one, Wilbur being the final and third one still standing and publically alive.

And the only reason why Eret was with Schlatt was because he had the slightest idea of where Philza was. He wouldn't explain to him past that but he was the most helpful in telling him anything, anything at all. Tubbo would ask him why he was faking his death when Niki was still waiting for him to return - and he wouldn't answer. His eyes got dark and stormy and that would be that for the information pulling.

He sees photos of the traitor of L'manberg, framed in high places. A man with goat like features with a wicked grin. Ram horns wrapped around his small ears, dressed all fancy in a suit and tie. 

To be perfectly honest, he's not sure why he's content with staying here, in these walls. It's not like it's any different from L'manberg but this was probably anyone was as honest with him - with the current events going on. Techno explained a lot but he was still mostly in the dark, until Eret showed up from the dead like a blessing. He's like... dying...right?

But he didn't seem scared. He didn't seem as frightened as he was in the beginning. Now it's more like an inevitable fate written for him and he's resigned to just take it as it is. These flowers, somehow or another, will kill him in a matter of months. Days even. He has no direct time frame - all he knows is that it's just been sapping his strength and energy away slowly.

Tubbo had resorted to putting his arm in a sling, wrapped up tightly in bandages so that the petals wouldn't get caught on something as painful as thorny vines from a rose bush. His neck hurt sometimes but it was better than letting it weigh his whole body down.

So now he's been sitting in Eret's room, eating the smallest scraps off the meals the former general brought in, and just staring out at the dead vegetation, dull in color and vibrancy in the garden, leading tot he iron front gates.

"Fundy used to have that same look you had when he was growing flowers." Eret smiles fondly from his bed, a book in hand as he lays comfortably, "Used to be so grumpy but always the sweetest out of the three. Most definitely the most tolerable."

"Is that so?" Tubbo mumbles from his seat, "I would think Niki would be more tolerable - she never goes out of Wilbur's rule. Always inside the walls."

"What? Niki? The 'My picture was nicer than yours so I don't care' Niki? In the walls?" Eret scrunches up his face, flabbergasted "Well, she used to. Always. And Tommy would encourage the behavior by offering her strawberry cake, rat bastard." He scoffs, using his finger to turn the page, "Fundy hated people. He would rather go into the woods and play with the foxes. Or go read in the library with his books. Sometimes he would sit on Tommy and read to him just for him to do his geography class."

"Tommy's always like that though." Tubbo replies quietly, picking under his nails for any dirt, "Always trying to make someone smile in any way. Or running away from responsibilities."

"He's a damn brat." responds the dark haired human, "I never asked, but did you come from Tommy or Niki? It's one of those two. Or did you come from Techno?"

"Techno?" Tubbo echos, turning to him confusingly, "He's already a dragon, that's not possible. I came from Tommy. I dunno the wish. I think it's all the bad emotions in anyone. I can draw it out - I think - although I'm not sure." He turns back around, looking up at the grey clouds, "How can I tell what I was even born for?"

"Hell if I know." Eret lets the book fall on his face, and he lays there spread eagle, "I'm no dragon so I can't tell you."

"I wish I was dead." Tubbo says, "Maybe that's why I'm dying. Because I lost the will to live. I don't even know what I'm living for."

"Well, you seem like a sweet lad, so I don't think it's for anything malicious. You draw the bad emotions out, for an outlet so maybe it's that." He lifts the book halfway, throwing him a dazzling smile, "But honestly, Tommy's such an outright guy, he wouldn't be cryptic and shit. It's probably something like, 'i want to save everyone' or 'i wish we can move past this.'"

"I wouldn't say that. You don't know what he's like anymore, you haven't seen him in three years and I haven't seen him in a week." He looks down, at his suspended hand, "He doesn't talk about his feelings. Him or Wilbur. They rather keep it in than worry anyone. They told me that a war was going on, just so I can stay in the walls. They're liars."

"He acts like he's my best friend, and I see him as one, I want to go on adventures with him and grow alongside him!" He whispers brokenly, looking mindfully at the yellow petals though the thin layers of white fabric, "He avoids me most of the time. We don't hang out as much even though I like to think we do - but..."

_He's afraid of doing something wrong to break him. Like he's glass and he's so fucking sick of it._

"Well." Eret hauls himself up, huffing as he stands up well above his bed, "They probably didn't want you to get involved. So I don't think it's all bad."

"Well." Tubbo mocks him bitterly, "That's exactly the problem."

* * *

There's collections of human limbs and bones, mutilated into pretty art pieces in the halls. Beautifully crafted corpses, so seemingly realistic, it could fool anyone with a bad nose. There was no dried smell of copper blood, only of paint and sweat. Oils that Eret liked to use when he was doing cooldown from whatever he did in the morning. He was an artist, sculpting horrific and grotesque symbolic human or dragon parts to please Schlatt.

Bones piled up upon one another with a wax head of a woman with long hair touched the ground, her eyes were rolled back so you could only see the white of the eyes. A man with a cocky smirk had his head twisted to look behind him, his toes were shoved up his nose to make him look so stupid looking, one could forget the smirk on his face.

"I hate them, but it's a good way to wind down... after a day of being his right man, you see." Eret explains as calmly as possible, as if he was perfectly immune to the idea, "I prefer when I was painting everyone together. Smiling."

Tubbo was disgusted, but understandably used to the sight. He's done worse, and he's sure Techno did even worse. A part of him missed that big oaf, who only smiled awkwardly with him and so reserved with Wilbur and Tommy. He wonders how he's doing now, alone in the castle, or looking for a soon to be dead Tubbo?

"What do you even do?" He asks, watching as Eret sways side to side, painting his next masterpiece. This time it was more simplistic, a man with a white rose sticking out of his eye. It was staining red. His mouth was dislocated, torn out onto shreds just a few inches away from him, in a black background, "Do you like... murder people...?"

"Mmm depends on the task. Sometimes it's getting some stupid flower, sometimes it's cooking a fowl, other times it's mostly scouring the area for any loose dragons with no strings." Eret glances from under his beret, "Such as a stupid little runaway like you."

"I would have been okay with it."

Eret shoots him a displeased look, "Yeah, but have you considered how Tommy might feel? Wilbur? Hell, I bet even Techno cares for you, that stone hearted bastard."

Tubbo scornfully sighs, "Yeah, but it's not like I can help the fact that I'm dying. I can't control it."

"You lost the will to live because you think you're useless." Eret states monotonously places his brush down in the cup with a clink, "Everyone says that you're not. But you don't want to believe them for some reason. Why? Is your own insecurity holding you back or is it because you think that the idea of hiding away from a blood crazed maniac is a bad idea? So instead, you go right into here, like it's shopping for the holidays!"

"I didn't even know you were alive, and I just now heard of you two! I didn't know that was the big threat - because they won't tell me."

"You're just afraid just like all of them. While it's true, they could have easily talked to you and warned you. Yes, I will admit they're both dumbasses for that." Eret scolds, throwing his hands up in desperation, "They also wanted you to have a childhood they never had in the first place. They've been in war, all their life, Tubbo. Spare some thought for them if they want at least one good thing, pure in this filthy rotting world!"

"I don't think you were ever useless, Tubbo." The dead man claims, watching as Tubbo's gaze fell to the floor, "I don't think they thought that either. They just viewed you as a baby dragon, new to this world. And it's true! You're only like nearly a year of this world, you have no idea what it's like in these walls compared to theirs." He brings the brush to his lips, measuring it with his eyes, "They just wanted you to be genuinely happy."

"They didn't have to lie to me though..." He weakly protests, looking up at Eret like he knows everything.

It's true, he wouldn't doubt that it wasn't their intention to hurt him. Wilbur and Tommy had one common mission, and that was to keep him inside and protect him from the wolves den he was in, right now. And he gets that they wanted him to have a childhood but... it still doesn't add up.

"I don't think anyone does. But sometimes, it's the only way they know how to live." Eret points to his brain with the end of his brush, sticking out his tongue at the young dragon who only sunk a bit lower, "Sometimes to be happy, you have to lie to yourself. They're in the wrong, don't think I'm defending them but." He smiles at him, "For what it's worth and I know we just met last Monday but, you're not useless in the slightest, Tubbo. You're like the sun in this damn mansion compared to all the shit I had to do."

"...For a guy painting dead bodies..." Tubbo smiles stupidly toothy for the first time in months, from the bottom of his heart, "You sure do know some wise words."

The artist salutes, hammering his fist to his chest as he sharing his smile, "Philza, my man, I learn from the best." He lifts his brush, reworking on the white petal, "What I wouldn't do to see him again... I miss the big guy."

* * *

"Gif... gif it bak..."

A claw swipes at him, and Tubbo narrowly dodges that appendage, backing away unsurely at the shadow. 

This is a dream because he's in the void, a place where he's commonly finding his dreams at. Usually, he would see Philza sitting in the corner with his bucket hat, his baby blue eyes would be hidden under them. He would be tucked under the entrance way, leaning against the door with a defeated sigh. He's been repeating the same three words, "Dreamer, TNT, under." but never this - and this.. this was something completely and utterly different....

"D...dah....di...." The claw freezes, as if it's just now aware that it was trying to scratch someone. It slithers back under the floorboard, under a hidden trap door. Tubbo frowns, stepping forward, letting his footstep creak. "Mishh...oou....D...ah....d...."

Amethyst eyes peer through the slight crack, and nothing else he can see, just bright pink eyes, wide and unknowing.

"Hoo...ah....ouu...?" They were clearly trying to speak, but their words wouldn't come out properly. As if something was missing and was physically prevent him from speaking.

"Hi." Tubbo smiles unsurely, not entirely sure on what to say, "I'm Tubbo." He settles on his name, but it seems to be the wrong answer.

"Uuubbo...?" They blink at him, widening in response, "...scafee...N..eeew...man...awaee!!" They quickly retreat, slamming the trapdoor with a slam, causing Tubbo to yelp in pain.

He springs out of bed with a disheveled hair and a gasp of shock. His right hand was blooming in fucking pain right now. Urgently, he peels away from Eret's sofa and slips into the bathroom, trying to make as little noise as possible, as to not wake up Eret. He quickly unwraps his wound, gently trying to not tug it all off when he sees a spot of blood on one of his marigolds.

He pauses, the pain buzzes away just as quickly as it came, as he stares at four marigolds, instead of five.

* * *

He must have done something wrong because Schlatt was here, in Eret's room when he woke up. He's smiling cheerfully down at him, patting his head with a silky white glove. Tubbo sweats nervously, looking down like a lost kid as this monstrously tall man pats his head like one would do to a small rabbit. He's so close, his hand nearly covers head, he can only see that odd smile and his horns on his head. His vision was deeply obscure due to his hand, and he can't move, his nerves are all shot.

Maybe, he wasn't taking this place as seriously enough. He was in absolute red zone and he's been throwing his life around before Eret had what whole spiel about how he wasn't useless. Maybe he wants to live now, preferably away from this dragon. He wants to say sorry to Wilbur and live within the walls now - even if his heart ached with adventure.

Schlatt was a good two heads above him, looking down at him with blood red rectangular eyes, crushing them down with his presence. Now that he was looking at him in person and not in pictures, there's something else on his horns.

It's Fundy's arm.

He recognizes the ivory orange scales, caked in numerous little purple iris buds, dried up and wrapped around his horn like a decoration. Brown thin vines lay crippled and dried He's seen it on Wilbur's pictures, the flowers were old, brownish almost, as if it's been there for a long time. There's caked blood on his horn, stained, there's blood on his suit. Blood in the air, blood on his face. Fundy's arm was tied up to decorating his horn, another dragon's horn.

He takes back on what he thought of Sapnap, Schlatt was 10x worse.

And his hand was securely holding the top of Tubbo's hair in a vice grip. There was no pulling, no jerking or yanking, just a warm hand on his head and he can't breathe. The warmth on his head was usually a welcoming thing he liked. He didn't like being patronized but he enjoyed people patting him like he did a good job - but this was new, this was imitating. He has no idea who this guy really is.

His heart is racing.

And Schlat is smiling so easily down at him, "Hey kiddo." He says cheerfully, he can't detect a malicious tone. There's no indication in his voice that he was going to do something gorey to him. but his body language could tell him otherwise. His fingers dug into his skin, his nails hurt, they dig into his flesh and he's aware of how easy it was go cut though it by looking past him, at the countless sculptures.

"Gyahaha!" He bursts into a joyous laugh, letting go of his head and stepping back, allowing him to get a full view of the dragon in a suit. He wipes at his eyes, throwing a stray tear onto the floor, "You look scared shitless!" He howls, slapping his knee as he laughs.

_Laughs Laughs Laughs_

Repeating like a drum, like his heart. Maniacal deep laughter lace with madness, repeating over and over, constantly sounding. It hurts. It scares him because to him, this sounds like a man who's just having a good laugh. He can't tell. He has no idea. He's too joyful, too expressive at seeing him petrified.

"Hey. Little dragon." He crouches down at his level, tilting his head 45 degrees with a wicked grin from ear to ear, his breath smells like thick smoke, "How far from home are you, squirt?"

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> -Second section  
> Short story: Eret likes painting bloody pictures to please his boss/ also its implied that he painted the pictures of Fundy and Philza - and that's why he's not in any of the photos when you walk to Wilbur's office - but there was one when he was taking a picture... with a camera...
> 
> okay so i didn't think that though but ignore that technology flaw.  
> He also gives reasoning on why he's not useless by any means - he's the only one that views himself as useless because he set too much of a standard for himself. Eret thinks he's pog, Tubbo gains an understanding for a cruel dragon's right hand man.
> 
> Symbolism notes: White roses often mean purity, Eret is drawing it a red color, a color of true evil, chaos, or madness.  
> Purple flowers usually mean success admiration or royalty  
> The number four (Marigolds) Resembles stability and passion. Sometimes it can also be known for it's honesty and loyalty
> 
> If you enjoyed this chapter! Feel free to tell me what you liked most! I go pass out now i wrote to 4am to 6am, ^^;;;)
> 
> p.s: Bet yall don't think Sapnap's strange now ay?


	12. Chapter 12

Tubbo's always been cooped up in the Eret's room so he never has a chance to see outside of it. Outside, even in the hall, is much worse, with human bones and stained carpets littering the wallas and the walk to the dining room. Inside there, was a grim looking Eret with a snarl, his hands together to his waist and he was looking down, in defeat. If he looked closely, he could see a red sting on his cheek, like someone hit him.

That someone being Schlatt, who had his hand securely on his neck, holding firmly but not choking him. Just enough to hold him back if he tried running.

He gets seated by another man in the room, one wearing stupid looking dark goggles and a dark purple robe on him, he almost looked like he belonged to a cult. He squeaks, hopping back to the goat man's amusement. Schlatt takes his time, walking to the other side of him, upping Eret's chin on the way with a tilt of his fingers and sits across the long table with him, with that unnerving smile. Eret's eyes sharpen with bloodlust at that action, almost snapping at his fingers like a rabid dog, only recoiling when he hears Tubbo.

There's nothing to look at, nothing on the pristine white table other than the dark figure across from him. He's positioned his hands expertly, leaning on his elbow as he shows him a tilted smile, he's still fucking smiling.

"So. Where are you from, lost lamb?" He calls out cheerfully and Tubbo swallows, looking back down at his feet, shuffling them. His tail swings limply between him. Isn't this what he wanted? He wanted to explore the world, and now he's stuck in here. He did exactly what he wanted, he shouldn't be scared.

He doesn't have the right to be scared if he's the one that got him in here in the first place.

"Nowhere." He watches as the dragon scoffs, chuckling a bit.

"Mmm.. I wouldn't assume that you're from the DreamSMP, he would have told me..." He ponders out loud, just loud enough for him to look. His smile grows wider when Tubbo's movements still.

> _They ate dragons. Any dragon who wandered in there were missing the next day and they would have horn like decoration or purses. Dresses of ivory scales and claws for jewelry. They were enemies of L'manberg for the longest time - so naturally, when they wish to make amends, it's only natural for Wilbur to be absolutely confused and angered. L'manberg was a place where most dragons appeared._

Was it a coincidence that Dream came to L'manberg and discovered him? Or was it planned for him to place doubt and misunderstandings between him and Wilbur? For him to be wary of him, even though he offered bandages to fix up his wounds?

"Manberg then?" He leans forward, and he feels small against those eyes, "Wilbur's still alive and kicking then? Damn bastard, pffft." He chortles, hackling, "Can't give up that dead city no matter how hard I hit him."

He takes Fundy's hand off his horns, unraveling the ribbon keeping it up and slides to the middle, where black sludge stains the sheets, turning red. Eret filinches from the arm, averting his gaze as the goggled man's mouth twists in disgust. It's still bleeding, Fundy's been dead for three years and it was still producing blood.

_Like those jungle monsters with rotting skin and flesh._

"I killed his damn dragon and that city still has hope strong enough to create a dragon...? That city should be dead with dreams and ambitions. It should be a breeding place for hatred and revenge." Schlatt's eyes are trained on him, his smile melting into a firm line. "Hope should have died with that land the minute Philza went missing."

He doesn't want to speak. He feels like anything could be held against him right here. He feels like he's on trial, with the way Eret kept glancing at him with pity and worry, but standing so up right and formal, as if not to make the rumored violent dragon angry. The man beside him, however didn't seem scared or worried. His eyes were hidden behind the tinted glass so he couldn't tell his expression, but the down sided curve of his lips indicated that he was annoyed.

"It's really hard talking to you, when you don't look at me or say anything. Uh..." He looks at Eret expectantly.

"Tubbo." He bitterly bit out.

"Tubbo? What kind of fuckin... Whatever. Tubbo, when someone's looking at you, you look at them, okay?" He waves his hands around in a wild manner, standing up with a well timed slam of his hands on the table. He jumps, prefering to scoot back a little and keep his wary eyes on him. Like a deer in headlights, and a wolf on the other side.

"...okay..." He says hesitantly, shakingly, and it only annoys the other dragon, who tilts his head curiously at him. He saunters to the middle, collecting the arm and holds it in front of him, so that Tubbo can see it and smell the rotting smell of a decomposing body part.

"I have other ways to make you talk." _The threat is unsaid._

"I don't even know what you're asking me." He has this burst of courage to glare up at him, "You didn't even ask me anything."

Schlatt blinks, letting out a 'ah' sound, "I forgot that's how to start a conversation. You know, it's been years since I had a proper conversation that wasn't little ol Eret here." He reaches out and pinches the brunette's ear. Eret doesn't move from that spot, only pulling way with a hiss. "And he never quite gives me the attention I wanted."

"Can you just get to the point already, Schlatt?" The purple hooded man snaps, grabbing a hold of his shoulders suddenly, squeezing them, "We need to start soon, the hell are you stalling for?"

The goat man shrugs, "Fear tactics? Dramatic revealing? He must be honored to finally meet the big bad wolf in this fairytale, so I thought it'll be nice to let Wilbur know what another dragon has died under his care." He pauses, before shoving the hand into the younger one's lap, letting his hands touch the blood, so cold. Tubbo shivers from the icy blood.

"Hey, hey Tubbo." Schlatt is smiling again, cheerfully as he started to explain graphic violence, "Wanna know about the brother you could have had? I ripped his arm off to the elbow with my two hands before grinding down his horns with a nail filer." He reaches out, gripping Tubbo's horns and pulling them forward as handles, to make him look at him, at his crazed malicious grin, "I tore out those precious brown eyes after I had dusted them with blaze powder, you know. The things from hell. I tore his flesh right in front of Wilbur and he watched every second of it."

He chuckles at his horrified expression, loosening his grip to cradle his head, gently, almost in a loving grip. He takes a step back, watching with a smirk as Tubbo's wide blue eyes followed him, "Now I got your attention, mm?"

"Wilbur watched his youngest dragon member die right in front of him. And he couldn't do anything." Numb, he felt so numb as he looked up. A cold chill spreads and he can't feel his body. Maybe this is why Eret seemed trapped in here. Promised a future of finding someone who he greatly respected, but as a result, he had to work for him.

"Wonder how he’ll react when he sees it again?"

"Why?" Tubbo whispers, shrugging the other's hands off him and placing Fundy's arm on the table as he stands up too. Although he's still significantly smaller, he still manages to make his ground as Schlatt halts at his sudden movement, "Why did you make them suffer? What do you get from seeing them like that?"

"You mean you don't feel it?" He leans down, hovering too close for his liking, "Surely, you feel the urge to hit me or kill something...? This blood sculptures shouldn't have phased you, you haven't fainted like any boring human. You're a dragon, no?"

"It doesn't give me a right to hurt people!" Tubbo shouts, stepping forward and shoving him hard, the older dragon stumbles a bit, tripping over his own vase and crashes to the ground, right at Tubbo's level, "You gouged out his eye... and grinded down his horns, doesn't that bother you at all, knowing you hurted one of your own kind?"

"Why would it?" Schlatt stands up, dusting himself off and boredly sneering at him with the nastiest glare he's seen, "We're disgusting human-look alikes: Fakers who have the capacity to hide and pretend. We breathe fire and ice, sometimes water or plasma, it doesn't matter. We shouldn't exist. Humans hate us." He looks over at the hooded man, he feels an arm grip his waist and carry him up. Tubbo hiccups, scrambling to get out of this hold when Schlatt walks to him and tilts his chin up.

"Wouldn't it be nice if we made them suffer while we're destroying ourselves?"

* * *

He gets taken into the room right next to Schlatt's. Inside was a hospital bed and handcuffs to the bed. George, he later learns his name, straps him without a word and absolutely makes sure he can't end it quickly so that monster doesn't get the pleasure of torturing him in front of the only family he knows. His arms were bubble wrapped and suspended on the ceiling with chains and handcuffs, the key was on the other side of the wall, hanging tauntingly at him.

His legs were strapped to pillows and his arm was hooked to an IV, giving him nutrients and something else.

"Poison." George explained quietly, "He's trying to make you immune to it so your body can handle it when he throws you in."

"In where?"

"The End."

Tubbo frowns at him, "Hah?"

"It's a place underground where L'manberg stands. Dream found it back when he was stationed there and blowing stuff up." He carefully checks his temperature, checking the IV as he uses the spinny chair to get to places, "It's where they think Philza's at." He slides to his desk and opens up a leather book.

"So... Why are they trying to get me immune to poison? Aren't... you trying to kill me?"

"No." George peers at him over his shoulder as he writes, "I'm just trying to buy time." He shrugs, turning around and leaning back on the table, "The original plan was to kill you but Dream took a liking to you and told me not to, if I ever saw you."

He peeks at him again, standing up, "Apparently, you remind him of him when he was younger, which is kind of cute." He looks up, placing a finger to his chin, "Dream, having capacity to care for someone other than me and Sapnap? Unheard of."

He gives him a reassuring smile, reaching down to the tied up and hostage dragon, patting his forehead thoughtfully, "You're stupid but you're resilient to even think of pushing Schlatt, I applaud you."

"Thanks...?" Tubbo mutters, raising his eyebrow in questioning, "Why are you working for him then? Eret told me you were trying to bring back Philza, wouldn't it be better if we- wait are you the help Eret was looking for!?" His voice raises another octave, proud of himself for finally connecting the puzzle pieces.

He was thinking how this guy was giving him a nice vibe and how annoyed and distasteful towards a threat. Unlike Eret, who seemed overly cautious of him, fearful of him.

"Yeep." George gives him a small round of applause, "And I don't like assisting Schlatt, it's just to keep him in one place. Can you imagine a bloodthirsty dragon on the loose without people watching him? It's horrible work but it's what we have to do..."

"Ah... That makes sense..." Tubbo falls to a quiet tone, "That way you can intercept any plans that happen before they do."

"It'll be better if he was dead." George grumbles, turning back around and resuming to write, "But of course, the stronger the ambition - the stronger the dragon, and now we have an unkillable dragon." He huffs, laughing a bit, "Leave it up to Dream to make a literal impossible dream."

Tubbo pauses.

"Are you saying that dragon-" He looks at the door and then back to George with wide and terrified eyes, "Was Dream's fucking dragon?"

George nods tiredly, "Yeah. He's a man of a lot of ambition. Lots of dreams, hell - all he wants to do is dream. He's the most passionate and violent guy I know. But nowadays, he just wants peace. He's always sneaking out to go to some flower field or some shit. Leaving me to take care of this big baby." He shouts that last part, causing Tubbo to die in the inside just a bit more.

"What are you-"

"Relax, he can't do shit to me." He pauses, looking at his hands, "For the most part. Dream would kill him."

"I'm just waiting for Dream to come here and we can get you out of here." He tries to give him a reassuring smile, "As quietly as possible, even Dream can't keep the murderer back for long." He sighs, pushing his pen up and down the table, "For the meantime, I can keep you alive until then."

"Why do you need to make me immune to poison?"

"Oh I don't." George looks at him with an apologetic smile, "But we told Schlatt that a long time ago, to rescue any other dragons that were caught to buy time. Unfortunately, you'll be incapacitated and weak but we hope to save you soon."

Tubbo narrows his eyes at him, "How can I trust you?" He spits out, watching eerily as George scoffs, tilting his head.

"Do you even have a choice?" George questions and it's the loudest question in the room.

In truth, Tubbo would be okay with dying in the forest where no one would ever find him. That way, they could have a chance to hope that he was alive. But now, he feels like Schlatt would show him his corpse if he died in the proximity of this place.

They dissolve into silence, and Tubbo finds himself slipping to sleep. He closes his eyes and just sighs.

He's fucked either way.

* * *

"Give me the coordinates, Wilbur."

Niki has her sword deeply dug into Wilbur's desk, right in the middle.Her hair flows behind her like a fire as her eyes were lit with an everlasting fire, of anger and resistance. Wilbur has a cool head on, looking back at her with a steady gaze, unrelenting. They're at a standstill, with Tommy behind him and Techno sitting down, resting on his sword handle as they all wait. Wilbur has his hands clasped together and he's leaning on it, his chin over it as Niki seethes in rage.

"No," He starts, "Liste-"

She rips it out of the wood and slams it back down, making a deeper dent, "I'm not listening to jack shit! Tell me where the fuck Schlatt is, you thick headed moron!" She icily hisses, she lets go of her sword and stomps on the floor, a fresh flood of tears spilling, "I knew! I knew it was a bad idea! We shouldn't have faked a war, we shouldn't have kept saying he was too weak and too young to understand! Now he's gone!"

She pants heavily, gesturing far and wide with her hands, "I...Eret wouldn't have want this. He'd want us together, fighting against a common enemy. We should have told him, at least trained him. I told him, he was weak. And I still think he is, especially against him! Oh Tubbo..."

"I miss those annoying cake times we had..." She crumbles to the floor, holding her head, "I can't do this again, I can't..."

Wilbur rounds the table, holding his hand out to her, "You're not even sure if he's there, we don't know anything..."

"But what if he is?" Tommy pipes in, frowning as he pulls out a napkin, handing it to Niki who hops back up at Wilbur's action with a scowl, daring Wilbur to even touch her in a comforting manner, "Wilbur, we can't just sit around and wait." His voice is unusually calm for the excited and hot-blooded teen, "If, and listen to me, if we think about this rationally, we have to make sure, before it's too late."

Wilbur sighs, shaking his head and tapping his foot impatiently, "No." He says firmly.

"I'll protect them." Technoblade chips in, quietly from his seat, "So. We should check."

Wilbur bites his lower lip, shaking his head, "I can't ask you to do that. No one's going." He looks at them all, as a group, "We can keep looking for him as groups of two. It'll be fine, we'll find him soon."

"I'm going Wilbur. I'm bringing Niki with me and Techno will probably... maybe follow after us." He pauses, sending a knowing look at Techno, who nods solemnly, "You can follow us, if you'd like, Wil."

"Where?" Wilbur snaps suddenly, "You have no idea where the hell he is. It's safe within these walls. You'll be wandering in the woods for what? It might not even be there!"

"Wilbur." Techno snorts, "It's only safe because Schlatt thinks we're weak. He thinks we'll self destruct with the 'fake' war. You don't seem to get that dragons are made from wishes, hopes and dreams. The moment he notices you having any inkling of hope, he'll destroy it." His skull stares back at the leader, it's unnerving how quiet he is. Even though he was usually a very quiet man, he was also mocking, tauntingly dry and witty, "And you know he has a horrible vendetta against you."

Wilbur's speechless. Out of all people, he was hoping that Techno would be the voice of reason. That he would agree that it would be too dangerous and they should tactically think about this before charging in blindly.

"If he has Tubbo. He'll kill him right in front of us." Techno stands up silently, turning for the door, "I promised myself that I wasn't going to let that happen again."

The door shuts with a click.

Tommy's looking at him, wishing and hoping for something. His response maybe. But Niki grabs her sword, tears still in her eyes as she stalks to the door, leaving it halfway open, for Tommy. She already knows his answer, it's Tommy who's still hoping.

"Well?" Wilbur questions, hauntly, "Go on then. Go walk into that death trap. Since my words as a leader don't mean anything to you."

"You can come with us." Tommy offers again, extending his hand, for Wilbur to grab, "You can lead us to his place."

"And watch you all be killed? Not likely." Wilbur turns around, looking back at the window, grey clouds fill the sky, "I'm not doing that again."

.

.

.

"I was there too." Tommy says, a trace of anger dances in his tone, "Me and Niki were there too, Wil, we're not stupid children anymore. We know what can happen."

"But this hesitation, this unwillingness to move forward and face the problem? It's exactly what got us in this mess in the first place, Wilbur."

A final click of the door and Wilbur's all alone.

"Pfft.." Wilbur giggles, covering his eyes as he collapses into a fit of laughter. He heckles, laughs and snorts, watching outside his window as he spies three figures, of his most precious men leave him. Right out the gate, right as the sun sets. They're going to get themselves killed. 

_They're going to get themselves killed. And he's here, watching them ride away with nothing but contemptment._

He shouts in a burst of frustration, hammering both his fists down on the dark oak table. His fists sting but it's nothing compared the storm in his heart. Everything hurts. He wishes that it'll go away. This pain in his heart, stings and burns and he's crying.

Big fat globs of tears spill out and he doesn't know what to do. He sits at the table for a bit, looking at his tears as it drops comedically quietly on the table. He looks at the picture of Fundy and Eret on his table. He holds it preciously, pressing it against his chest, trying to not get tears on it. He looks out at the window again and back to the photo.

"Goddamnit..." He mumbles, wiping his tears with the bottom side of his palms, "Goddamnit!" He bawls, huffing.

A leader isn't supposed to be sad. He's supposed to lead. He can't let these petty emotions get in the way of his soldiers survival - he can't. He isn't allowed to.

But who's to say that?

"Philza would know what to do." He mumbles, sniffling while wiping another fat tear away, "But you're not here..."

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Gods Im so sorry if i made Tommy so OOC, i'm not very used to writing characters that like to make trouble and have fun I onyly know pain and fluff - never in between.
> 
> But if you're still reading, I love ya for sticking around :3
> 
> I don't think there was any symbolism? Just some major plot points and shit like that.
> 
> Enjoy this chapter! And if you liked it, ^^ leave a little comment and tell me what you thought of it uwu)/


	13. Chapter 13

"You're the one that told me hoping for things was pointless."

Unmoving red eyes peered down at him, "Look where we stand now."

Glimmering orange scales held gently against his human one, a ring shared between them.

"Do you plan to take that way too?"

* * *

_"Dad!" Wilbur jumps from his desk, floundering from his quick power nap as his dragon child runs into the office with the brightest smile he's ever seen on him. Fundy was vibrating, shaking up and down as he waved a white flag around, above his head. "Dad! Are you- Oh sorry, am I being too loud?" He covers his mouth, taking in Wilbur's drowsy expression. Wilbur grins, shaking his head as he pats his lap - watching as the young dragon, who was clearly to big for this now - skip over merrily._

_Fundy had his little birthday hat on, his little champion was turning sixteen today, although that was only like eight months technically - but it didn't matter! His boy was finally growing up! He was usually a quiet lad who prefer books over people, a kid who never spoke as loudly as today. Today seemed like an exception, seeing a bright and cheerful smile on his face._

_"Look!" Fundy shoves his scaled arm, showing him purple irises had start blooming on the under the scales, the thin vines spreading out and entwining around the arm, "I was reading up on it, and purple irises usually mean success! Did you succeed in anything as of late?"_

_"Flowers?" He frowns, his hand instinctively grabbing at the fairytale books behind him, flipping though the pages, "I don't think...I know... abou-"_

_"It's when the wishmaker finishes their wish, Dragons have proof on their skin, and the type of flower represents the wish! So you must have accomplished something of late, yeah?"_

_He looks up at him expectantly, "Maybe it's the fact that you finally found a place you can call home? You like this place right?"_

_He reaches up, squeezing his dad's cheeks together, "I mean, I hear how you complain about Philza and Techno and how they're both slackers. And I know Niki and Tommy are trouble makers and you'd wish they stop running off with Dream - who's supposed to be myyy friend - but you have to like this place, right?"_

_"Right?"_

_"Of course." Wilbur closes the book, firmly pressing it on the desk as he returns the same actions to him, squishing his cheeks together to make a fish face on his boy, "I finally found us a home. With me and you, unfortunately Tommy too - and its the most peaceful place I know that will provide a safe and adventurous environment."_

_He deflates, although there was still a strong and present smile on his face, never wavering, "I wouldn't trade it for the world."_

_Fundy beams, throwing his arms around Wilbur's neck and hugging him tight, "I wouldn't either."_

_"FUNDY!" Tommy screams from the hall, "WHY ARE THERE FLOWERS EVERYWHERE!?" Fundy snickers from his neck, hopping away with grace similar to a fox's, skipping to the door with a playful tilt of his head._

_"I'm turning into a flower!" Fundy shouts back, running out to the hall, "Oh won't you save my dear knight of mine? I'm dying!"_

_"Wai- really?"_

_"No you dumbass."_

* * *

"Sorry." Eret looks down at the handcuffed and pouty Tubbo, "I wasn't expecting him to barge in there. He's never even home most of the time - he dances around over the DreamSMP all the time." He sighs, crossing his arms and adjusting his glasses, "Sorry if you were scared."

"It's okay. Is your cheek okay?" Tubbo wonders, feeling the urge to reach out and caress it comforting before he realizes that he physically can't with his hands in bubble wrap. Eret notices the shuffling, smiling at the thought as he reaches for his cheek.

"Yeah. It's nothing new."

"It shouldn't be okay. You shouldn't be okay with this." He rolls his eyes, "Even if he's your boss, you should be angry."

Eret doesn't respond, his face stays stony, "Yeah, it doesn't work like that over here. Nothing's sunshine and lollipops here." He sighs tiredly, leaning on the wall, hovering over a dead asleep George on his desk, "I just want to find Philza already. That's the only reason I'm here. That's the only damn reason why." He repeats it, trying to convince himself of it.

"I see him in my dreams sometimes."

"Most dragons do." He huffs, digging in his pocket, pulling out a cig, "Since dragons come from wishes and dreams n shit, it'll make sense if they go to the place where nothing exists. Nothing but void - or so they claim." He lights up a smoke, using his lighter when Tubbo realizes he can breathe fire.

He could burn the bubble wrap off - and escape. The fire wouldn't effect his hands, he's immune to most elements, especially his own...

"He tells me it's in the bottom of L'manberg." Tubbo shakes the thought away for now, he can put that plan into action later, when Eret can't be held responsible for his escape, "He's at this weird purple building. With ugly clams on the side and huge towers of fruit hanging over them." He looks up at the sky, trying to remember all the details as he possibly can.

"M...maybe not as vibrant as you, the hell?" Eret puffs, wasting his smoke as he crushes it purposely on George's notes, smearing a particular part with ash, "What's he doing there? You can talk to him? Schlatt only tells me that he can see him."

Tubbo wants to move, but he's stuck, he can't move and he has to remember that, he can only wiggle in discomfort, "Really?" He tilts his head, shuffling over the pillow, "I always could hear him. At first, I thought I was going crazy..."

"I was dreaming about maggots and eyeless-" He notices how Eret stiffens, "-humans. Violent things. He told me to find him."

"Mmm." He shrugs, "Yeah that doesn't lead to much-"

"Hey, are you eyeless?" Tubbo questions, quickly trying to get the question out before it dissolves, "You got real still when I mentioned eyeless human - but you're clearly looking at me. But why did you freeze when I mentioned it?"

Eret tilts his head, pushing himself off the wall, "That's a... really sensitive question." He laughs nervously, looking at him, and he sees them - he sees something moving behind them but his reaction is off - it's weird.

_Bloody thumbs. Wilbur's crazed look. Mad with anger and loathing._

"Did Wilbur dig them out?" Tubbo watches as Eret's fingers twitch at the mention, they flicker to his eyes. And it's strange because he could see them. He could clearly see them behind those dark tinted glasses - but he wouldn't react like that if they weren't gouged out. He wouldn't be reaching for them if they were there. And he was bothered by it clearly, judging from his pursed lips.

"Yeah." Eret admits, giving up and placing both hands up. He reaches for his glasses, pulling them off to show...

Bright pink eyes. Ones similar to the one in his dream, the other one that wasn't Philza, asking on who he was. They were unnaturally bright, they shimmered with power - but sometimes, if he looked away fast enough, he could see it flicker away just as swift. It needed direct eye contact for it to even flicker alight.

Similar to how Endermen would only attack if you had direct eye contact with them.

"Are you an enderman?"

Eret sputters, "What--" He puts on his shades, flabbergasted, "Did you just ask me if I was a skinny stick that can teleport? No!?!?!?!?!" He seemed offended by it, "If I could do that, I would have found Philza, a long ass time ago."

"Oh." Tubbo replies from the bed, looking up, "Then how do those things work? Why did Wilbur dig them out?"

"He got angry I was faking my death and I was with Schlatt." He chuckles nervously, unsurely, "And it's from this fruit, you see?" He reaches into his pocket, pulling out a purple berry shaped like a C. They had something white on them, the stem that looked like fuzzy mold at first.

He holds them out, smiling like a child who was showing off their good report card at him, "They have abnormal effects and come from the end. It's not the thing they're pumping you with though. It's the only food source that Philza has in there. They give you abilities similar to an Enderman's for a short time. I only used them to see."

"So you've been there? How come you didn-"

"Listen Tubbo." Eret cuts him off, shaking his head and combing his hair back in annoyance, "I know Wilbur doesn't tell you shit, but don't you have better things to do than question me?"

"You seem to forget I'm on a bed, chained up like an animal with only you as company." Tubbo yawns, his hands still wrapped up securely, "I can't move. All I can do is question you or sleep."

He pauses, flinching as Eret reaches over to wipe a reflex tear due to his yawn, "And I rather not dream right now."

_"Saf.....ve....hemmm."_

"Mmm. Then can we talk about something else?" Eret nods, sitting down beside him, crossing his legs, "I rather not focus on the past or things I barely know about. How about you tell me about how Tommy is? What's he like nowadays? How's the weather?"

Tubbo smiles, it's a small one but he agrees.

* * *

A fire roars in the middle of the campsite. Niki sits there, hugging her sword closely to her chest, letting the autumn wind carry her usually tied up hair. Her almond hair flowed to the right, as the spruce and birch tree leaves shuffled around noisily. Eret's sword felt still unnaturally heavy for her, it doesn't fit her hand even though she trained for months to make it fit. To take on Eret's role of establishing peace throughout the land when Wilbur was too tired - too stressed.

She's trained for this moment, for four years. Establishing fear in neighboring countries, daring them to even step a foot to L'manberg when she was strong enough to handle armies by herself. A girl in a war, of course no one took her seriously. In their eyes, she was just someone playing dress up. Weak and belonging in the kitchen, stupid and easy to marry off.

They became quiet when their soldiers began decreasing in numbers and more funerals were being held.

She took Eret's role in the country, even wielding his sword as a last memory of him. It had the most unthreatening name ever, Teddy's wrath, but maybe that's why she was so fond of it. All the stupid birthday parties where she would shove his head in the cake before running off, away from him. How her brown eyes would light up with laugh as Eret laughed too, all covered in cake frosting.

Maybe she misses all those times where he would scold her for getting in the dirt. She misses drawing stupid pictures, insisting that they're better and then disobeying him. She remembers the hot chocolate nights and story times he would do for her and the boys.

_The fires of revolution. Of vengeance and anger._

_Fundy's cries of pain and pathetic whimpers._

_Dream's dead emerald eyes glaring down at Fundy's still and unmoving body, Schlatt's twisted smile behind him._

They were just kids. They didn't know why there was war when there shouldn't be. She doesn't know why the DreamSMP declared war when they played with him just days before. Dream always adored playing with them, looking up to Philza and swearing to become a knight for L'manberg. They were just kids playing pretend, hiding in the woods and chasing one another around. Catching salmon with their bare hands, laughing when their slippery slimy scales slapped only Tommy in the face.

Dream... was never violent to them. Always having his mask on, he and Fundy were arranged to be political leaders, partners in law - because their comebacks and personalities meshed around so well. Although he was a mysterious guy, he was always sweet to them, offering band aids when they scrape their knees in the woods, shoving Tommy in the shallow river and pulling him out in a princess carry, just to laugh when the blond punched him in the face.

So when Wilbur explained to them, that Fundy was missing, and a war was starting, she couldn't believe it was them. A boy who just wanted to be a knight, a sire under Philza, had a whole nation under his name ready to attack.

Then Eret died in the war and never came back. Then Fundy died in front of him. And now Tubbo-

"Hey." Niki's trained eyes trail up to a disheveled Tommy, "You can rest. I'll take over."

"Not likely." Niki replies in a cold manner, her hands curling around the hilt of the blade, "Go back to bed."

"Well." Tommy ignores her, sitting across from her from the fire, "Guess we'll both still be up then, ay?"

"I guess."

Silence. Things weren't the same without Fundy's quiet quips and Tommy's flamboyant nature. Niki's usual sweet grace had long faded, leaving only grief and walls. Tommy was the same, he wasn't as excitable anymore. There were times where she saw it flare up when Tubbo was here, brining a fire back to the burning wood. Where she would crack a smile at Tubbo's overwhelming sweet nature, always making sure she was hydrated.

Even Techno who had sent himself on bloody missions, trying his best to incite a war had his heart melted when he saw his chance at redemption. For letting it happen to Fundy. He was probably the worst out of all of them, who almost resorted back to his bloody ways because he had no reason to stop with Philza AND Fundy gone.

_She remembers when Techno was standing beside Schlatt, his face was twisted in mourning as he held his only dragon brethren's body to his chest, brokenly cradling the head. How she found him hours later, after the fight, looking at her with dead eyes, no fire in them. The usually dry guardian who took after Philza's caring nature had his mask off for the first time ever. She never saw him without it. It was the first and final time she ever saw him fully - and there was nothing._

_Devoid of emotions. No fire, no passion. No sadness._

_Just acceptance._

Grief did things to you. Vengeance, anger, lies and half truths - it's only natural for Tubbo to find his own escape. 

"Brings me back to the old times." Tommy starts off, his braces shine back at her under the moonlights glare - past the fire, "Remember when we tried running away once?"

"Yeah." Niki sighs, her shoulders relaxing as she hugs the blade, her hands never let go, "You thought you brought marshmallows but all you did was bring cotton balls."

"Remember Bad? He used to scold me all the time how I shouldn't be cursing, but fuck em. That know-it-all nanny could take a hike." Tommy holds back a chuckle, reaching for a long stick to play with the fire kindle, "Wish he was here now, though, even though I couldn't handle the 'language!' scold again."

"We should be honest with him." Niki mumbles, looking off to the tent with Techno in it. The dragon hasn't come out at all since he's been with them. Just silently following them, trailing after him with his shield up, eyes wary of everything and anything, "We can't hide this all forever and..." She looks over at Tommy with a grim smile, "You know he deserves it now."

"Everything?" Tommy echos, tilting his head, "But why?"

"The reason why he ran away is exactly this. He wanted to know and now he knows. He's not a kid anymore - he's your age - he's the same age as Fundy." She brushes her hair out her face, tucking it behind her ear, "He's not Fundy. He's not a replacement. We treated him like he was Fundy if he was alive."

"We did exactly what they did to us when we were younger. We pretended everything was okay and told him that everything was okay... when it clearly wasn't..." Her breath stutters at the end, feeling a fresh wave of tears wash over her like a tidal wave. She curses that she got so worked up at Wilbur, she never lets her emotions get the best of her.

She wasn't weak by any means. She handled herself in plenty of fights, even rivaling Techno's at one point, at her peak. Emotions just tied her to her gender again. Sure, she's a girl but can you say that if you have a sword between your eyes?

Niki looks up to the moon, taking in the fire cinders dancing along the air, "...We should talk about it, like Tubbo always suggested. We can teach him against Wilbur's rule... that stupid oaf..."

"We can teach him to fight and shit." Tommy grins from ear to ear at the thought of it, "Then him and me can be big crime, Niki. We can all be big crime." His eyes, baby blue and rich with youthfulness still have that fire, "We can be vigilantes in the night. We can protect the city under us."

"Yeah..." Niki leans on her knee, looking back at Techno's tent with a sorrowful expression, "That'll be nice...."

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hi hi!! Another chapter grinded out for your taste!
> 
> If you liked it, leave a comment and tell me what you think of it!! UwU)/
> 
> Nothing else to add but you see, finals are coming up - so see a slight delay in updates - I need to catch up on my sleey uwu


	14. Chapter 14

He could escape pretty easily if he thinks about it. George was basically unfazed by Schlatt's presence like he was no real threat at all - due to the fact that Dream would be furious if the goggled man died. He would be mad if Tubbo died, for some odd reason, and that's holding him back. And that was the only thing holding him back, Dream's disappointment to him - the only thing holding him back.

But if you think about it, where would he even go? He didn't want to go back to L'manberg because he was dying already. It would just drag them down and it wasn't like they were going to be honest with him in the first place. Why would he go to the DreamSMP if he was escaping so he didn't go to the DreamSMP? He might as well stay here if he wanted to go in the first place. Or would he go into the woods again? Wandering until he eventually dies of despair, hidden amongst the trees.

A walking dead man, an assumed dead man, and a vicious dragon under a violent leader.

He wants to laugh as the idea of it.

So even though Tubbo was scared at first, he doesn't flinch when Schlatt strolls casually in the room, whistling at him like a dog. George doesn't even stir from his seat, still writing in his book, on his research.

"Look who the dog brought in."

"I've always been here." Tubbo snaps back at the condescending tone, he tilts his head defiantly at the vicious dragon, sending him back a pitiful smile, "You're the one who came in the room."

He can hear the tick in the goat man's neck before he can see his face distort into an annoyed sneer. He sits at the chair Eret occupied last night and crosses his arms, "You're just as stupidly bold and reckless as Wilbur."

"Always Wilbur." Tubbo rolls his eyes, turning his head away from the dragon, "Why are you here?"

There was a bitter part of him that festered right behind the mind. The fact that he was always compared to Wilbur, even though he didn't even come from him. Clay mentioned it offhandedly, noting that he was as tactical as the leader of a nation. How Tommy stated that he kept his feelings in too much, just like him and never told him what was on his mind. How Eret described him just as stubborn as him. It irked him to the ends of the world.

Schlatt simply folds his arms, leaning back with a coy smile, Tubbo was already sick of looking at his mug. Not that he was ugly, just the overall cockiness of it. Like he was in control of the situation. It annoyed him, to think he has the high ground. When he was clearly quaking in his boots, waiting for Dream to begin whatever the fuck this cult thing is.

_A part of him wanted to snap his horns in two._

"Nothing much. Really." He smiles again, reaching forward and clamping his hand on his head, letting it settle on his head. It rests there, threatening, asserting dominance. What, did he think Tubbo would be scared?

It's strange because when he first met him, he felt this overwhelming fear and discouragement.

_Maybe it was the fact that he was the reason why L'manberg was so emotionally unstable. Because he uprooted the nation to watch it crumble down - and for what? What could he possibly want?_

He felt this... undeniable rage swelling in his chest. Restless and relentless flares of anger when he glances in those blood red eyes, swirling with madness. He's similar to Wilbur, imitating as Dream and authoritative as Tommy. It was like he resembled all three of them and it would be all the annoying parts.

They don't talk. Or rather, Tubbo doesn't respond to his questions. They bounce off him like pesky maggots, writhing for attention and revolting ideals. Everything was rotting, and he can tell that it was bothering him, due to Schlatt's arched eyebrow and the sharp air blowing from his nose. He's really trying, trying to call him annoying degrading nicknames and trying to pick up a conversation with him.

Trying to get him to talk to him. To learn more weaknesses and shit. It makes him look like he was all talk, because he won't do anything to Tubbo. He's not threatening him, he just seemed pathetic to ask him pointless questions that he refuses to answer out of blatant disrespect.

And it wasn't like he can do anything to him. If Tubbo wants to die, then he wants to die. What? He thinks that he'll be hoping to make him scared? To make it seem like he's weak and flawless, listening to venomous starts and challenges? To assert his dominance To make him scared?

As if.

Tubbo sneers at him, and maybe it's the first time he allows himself to be openly snarky, to be mean and not consider their feelings when he tells him.

"Go to hell."

* * *

_"You want to make him proud? You wanna be worth something, sport?"_

_Techno's quiet snort of 'as if 'dies in his breath. His small grubby hands grip the stone sword, dripping in crimson blood. It clicks against the floor, his crimson eyes glance down at it. Instead, he stares at the two kids in the corner of the room, tilting his head challengingly. He grows annoyed when all they do is tremble, hugging one another and whispering in each other's ear._

_One of them is crying, bawling as the other one tries to calm him down. He's holding a dead bird, from the Greenhouse. A small red robin, sliced and diced in little bits. It was barely recognizable. Their faces are a bit clearer now, revealing his two siblings, human ones, the weak ones. Niki and Tommy tremble in the corner, cowering under his sword._

_Niki was frowning, hugging Tommy to her chest, stroking his hair softly and telling him comforting words and phrases. She's glaring at him, daring him to do it, while Tommy cries, over the dead of a stupid bird._

_He doesn't get it._

_It's just a stupid bird, what's the big deal? They had more._

_He's the younger one in here, so shouldn't he be crying instead? Why was Tommy crying? Why was Niki looking at him like he had done something wrong?_

_He stares back at her, soulessly, tilting his head and holding the sword close to examine the blood, dripping down. He's mesmerized by it, watching as their reflection twists in dark red. Red was such a pretty color. He wants to see more red. The embodiment of blood, red liquid that ran the inside system of the body._

_"It's okay to be violent! Don't let them hide, kiddo. Let it be free."_

_"I don't get it." Techno admits quietly, finally bowing his head from Niki's burning glare. He drops the sword, letting it clatter against the mossy stones, "I feel happy but sad when I see you two look at me like that. I don't get it." He shuffles his feet, kicking a loose pebble back into the garden, hidden in the grass. He scoffs, looking at Niki one last time and storms out the place with balled up fists. "You're both annoying. I hate you."_

_He's embarrassed, angry at her anger, confused. Sad??? Happy?? Satisfied or disappointed?_

_Schlatt's on the outside of the greenhouse, smiling at him and reaching for his head. It messes up his short pink curls, but something swells with pride when he sees him. And it made it seem like it was worth it - to make Tommy cry and Niki mad._

_"See? You were born for destruction. Don't be ashamed of it."_

_And it never feels fucking right. It never felt right in the first place. He felt sad when Niki looked at him with such contempt. Like he had done something wrong. But Schlatt's smiling at him, like he's done something right. Techno stands outside with bloodstained hands, being petted like a small animal._

_Yet it felt good, to have the praise, to see a smile in return with a pat. Comforting._

_Yet it felt so bitter, to see Tommy sobbing stupidly over that stupid looking dead bird._

_Techno learns that feelings were complicated, so there was no use in thinking past it. He'll just do what he's told and not worry about the consequences. Relationships were complicated, there was no need for such useless things. Schlatt was the older one here, he knew better than anyone. He knew how to be a dragon, so he'll listen to him. But he would never bring himself to hurt Tommy or Niki again._

_He avoids them. Like the plague._

_~~(Afraid to hurt them, he pretends to think of them as annoying. It sticks to his brains like glue and never let's go because it's what's right to do.)~~_

_He begins wearing a mask, one of a pig. It's cute and endearing. They're usually told to have good luck. They're sloppy and messy, but they roll on their tummies and give kids a big smile. Pink as strawberries, like his hair. It becomes the only way he can stand being near them, it feels horrible to have it off near them._

_So he hides his worrying glances behind a mask, he hides his red bloodlust burning though the stems. Simmering and boiling, the urge gets too strong and he can't control it._

_He does it again and again until he's satisfied. Again and again - like an addiction. And the worst part was feeling the lack of control, the urge to break something was just too much and he didn't understand why - why it made it feel like it was so fulfilling._

_A pig, covered in feathers, blood and ash. When pigs fly, when they try._

_He buries the birds and squirrels to help fertilizer the plants. He makes sure to farm and take care of the greenhouse the best he can, to make it up to them. Maybe they'll smile at him again, maybe they'll forgive him, for this small thing. For that stupid bird. He'll make it up to them._

_Then he notices Fundy._

_He sees him actively buzzing around them, ignoring all of them but staying near them. Always watching in worry towards them but keeping his distance. Calm cool and collected, ready to jump at any opportunity, to protect them if they had gotten in any trouble. Free as a bird, yet clever and swift as a fox, Fundy was sly with his words. Often being the mediator between them if they fought._

_A free spirit who did what he wanted. Reading, climbing, hiding - none of it mattered because he was still physically weak as these humans._

_(He stands before them, Fundy holding out his hand, offering the invitation to join them in their hide and seek game. Niki's looking at him unsurely as Tommy beams excitedly at him. Admiration in those light blue gemlike eyes. Hoping, pleading, admiring. Techno jeers, smacking his hand away and walking several feet. Ignoring the worried look of Tommy.)_

_~~(One says that an eye for an eye but Tommy never did him wrong, why would he think of such a thing?)~~_

_He doesn't bother. He just likes to watch them. He likes their smiles, their overwhelming smiles and grins full of mischief. He can make them smile sweetly and Techno can't help but smile too._

_Maybe that was his first wrong step. Caring for them in the first place._

_"It's whatever you want to be." Philza smiled at him, holding his hands as Techno stands on his feet._

_They're doing this weird walk where Phil's clearly walking, but it's like the younger dragon is actually walking due to the motions. Like how humans would teach their toddler to walk. Even though he was nearly as old as ten right now, he lets him do whatever. The future king was odd, but he was nothing short of kind._

_"It'll be nice if I got a reason." Techno replies dejectedly, monotonous, depressingly, "Why was I born?"_

_"It's whatever you want to be." Philza looks down at him, booping him on the nose, of his mask. "You can be a pig or a dragon. It doesn't matter as long as you're happy."_

_-_

_-_

_-_

_"You were born of destruction, Blade." Schlatt snorts in disbelief, and it's as if Philza's comforting words didn't mean a thing, because Techno feels accomplished and conflicted when he holds Fundy's ~~(the birds)~~ body in his hands. Wilbur was screaming bloody murder in the background, restrained by rope, tied up like roasted pigs. Tommy's looking away and Niki--_

_Niki already had passed out. Her scolding eyes were closed and it made him sick. Because it usually told him when he was doing something wrong - to tell if he's doing something bad or not. But this was already telling him, the weight of a body told him everything he had to know._

_Eyes ripped out, horns sawed off, a shadow of a living being. He feels horrified and satisfied. Like he did it, like he was the one to run the blade though his flesh when all he wanted was--_

_Praise, ambition, accomplishment. He sees it in Schlatt's eyes along with his victorious smile, as if he won. He's smiling at a wrathful Wilbur, bitterness and hatred swirls in his body language as he steps forward, to confront Wilbur with stark._

_It occurs to him then, the reason why he feels so horrible, is because that destruction was never his wish. It's what he grew up with, listening to Schlatt because he thought the elder dragon knew best. Because Philza never gave him a concise answer. Because Techno was a child, he never understood what emotions were like in the first place, so how the hell was he supposed to know 'how to be happy...?'_

_In reality, he never knew what he wanted. He only acted on what others wanted of him. He was weak, vulnerable and easy to take advantage of. Stupid and unsure and that's exactly what had happened. Now, Technoblade, he realizes what he wanted._

_~~(An answer from him. A hug. Reassurance. Praise. Glory.)~~_

* * *

Something is wrong. The fire is out, the sun is shining and-

Tommy and Niki are gone.

Technoblade stands in the middle of an empty campsite, standing in front of his green tent with his hands on his hips, his sword dangles from it. His shoulder-length hair framed his shoulders neatly, his green scrunchie was still comfortably on his wrist, hidden in the armor. He tilts his head to the right, cocking it in annoyance as he begins packing his tent.

They must have snuck out without him knowing. They probably didn't trust him - well...

They did trust him, he knew that for sure. They wouldn't try to maintain a relationship with him if not. If they didn't trust him, they would be meaner or insist that he stay with Wilbur. But to suddenly ditch him?

They didn't want him to see Schlatt again.

Technoblade sighs, shaking his head as he packs, mindlessly taking a swig of water from the jug. He stands up, stretching his back and yawning, trying to rub the sleep out of his eyes. He tries the best he can while keeping his mask on, careful not to scratch his eyes out with his talons.

He's already told himself that he wasn't going to let that happen again - never again. He failed once at protecting his younger sibling - he's not going to fail again. He's not going to do that again. He won't. He refuses.

It didn't matter if Schlatt was there because he's moved on. He's past the point of manipulation. He's older and more wise. He still sucks at relationships and friendships. He can't learn how to be a good big brother if all he does is lie. It's his first time, he's never actually tried actively getting along with others. He always had some mission to do or he never cared enough, satisfied with just watching over them.

He's never quite cared for Niki and Tommy personally, but he did care for them. He liked seeing them smile. He liked Tubbo bringing back life Fundy's death removed. But Tubbo was Tubbo. And Fundy was Fundy. There was no competition, just the acceptance of what had happened.

"That's why." Technoblade sighs again, exhausted as he spots a tiny ripped cloth on a tree branch. A soft disbelieving smile graces his lips, "I have three kids to pick up."

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Symbolism notes:  
> -"A pig, covered in feathers, blood and ash. When pigs fly, when they try."
> 
> Hi this is my favorite line and let me explain. Birds are represented as being free and expressive. So when Techno is like, covered in dead birds or feathers, it's kind of expressing how he wished to be as free but the blood sticks so he's never able to. Aka, when pig's fly, I'll believe it. That kind of metaphor. And that last line, "When they try." Which implies that he tries but not as often, as if he was resigned with that route - even if he wasn't happy.
> 
> \- Birds are weak and that's why I mentioned that Fundy was weak at one point. He's weak in fighting. Decent with a sword - but weak. But he was also very strong mentally and free spirited. He did whatever the hell he wanted and he was kind. Not sure if that made sense...
> 
> -Pigs symbolize good wealth, not easily angered or provoked. A laid back animal. The color pink means the universal love language, playful, cute and flowers.
> 
> The dragon ages go like this btw.
> 
> Oldest to youngest:  
> Schlatt/Dream's dragon-  
> Assumed age in human years: ????  
> Techno/ ??????'s Dragon-  
> Assumed age in human years: 25yrs  
> Fundy/ Wilbur's dragon-  
> Assumed age in human years: 20yrs  
> Tubbo/ Tommy's dragon-  
> Assumed age in human years: 16yrs
> 
> If you enjoyed, leave a comment and tell me what you think!!!


	15. Chapter 15

_Wilbur doesn't like the boxes under the stairs. He despises them, hiding them just out of sight, which Tubbo found it fascinating. To go away from his watchful eyes, he'd sneak under there and curl up in one. He was the perfect size for it, fitting like a puzzle piece. His little corner of the world, where it was just him in the darkness. Nothing but his own thoughts._

_When Tommy showed up, he was just as small, looking at him with such curious eyes. His dragon, his best friend Tubbo, a rare mythical being with nothing much to say. He'll decorate the area with countless glow-in-the-dark stars. Just to see his eyes light up and it was an never ending cycle of admiration._

_Tubbo admired Tommy for being so bold and heroic. A man who knew what was right and wrong. The idealistic world he had crafted in his mind with his discs, one of perfect praise and glory. Tommy was a shining light in this dark and depressing world. A crumbling empire._

_And Tommy, who admired Tubbo due to his power and determination. It's his dreams, his ambitions, his will and drive to become even greater than he already was. A rare mythical dragon, their only beacon of hope and wishes - the last flicker of a revolution towards the ones who wronged him._

_"Did you know, Tubbo." Tommy says one day, holding his hand firmly as they look up at the littered glowing stars. There's stars outside right now, but these ones, under the stairs seemed so bright. "Each wish represents a star?"_

_"All these stars? Even the ones outside?"_

_"Yep!" Tommy grins at him bashfully, releasing his hand to pull him into a deep tight hug. Hiding his face behind Tubbo's shoulder, "All those stars represent a wish."_

_The hand behind his head tightens and Tommy hugs him tighter as he starts trembling. It's the first time he's ever heard the other boy start to cry, tucking his face so he can't see. Holding him like he was something so precious._

_"Yet, you're the brightest one in the damn world."_

* * *

"...ubbo..." He's in the end again, sitting next to Philza this time, as the former king sleeps against the wall, his big grey wings draped around him as a blanket. He's leaning on the wall too, but his eyes always wander back to the trapdoor, with the little mysterious figure, trying to communicate with him.

His broken speech was still really hard to understand, but he tried to understand when he was here, "...ubbo...?"

"Yes?" Tubbo responds, getting off the wall and leaning back down, to where the glowing eyes were. The only thing visible was the eyes - the rest of the being was hidden. It looked similar to an enderman but...

Something in his heard told him something otherwise.

"...ishh...do ouu....ow...rr...? Ish....?" Again, it's really hard to understand, but he keeps trying, "...hiiizaaa....saaahss..." It pauses, frowning down at the ground as it tries. It tries - but ends up stopping due to frustration.

"Philza says?" Tubbo helps along helpfully, watching as the eyes widen in relief. It pats the ground happily, "What did Philza say?"

"...Saaahss...echn....oo.." It pauses, "...noooows."

_Techno knows._

"Knows what?" Tubbo asks, curiously, leaning down as the being retreats a bit, afraid of sudden motions, "Sorry." He apologizes.

"...eny.." It points to itself, "...mmmm... Eny."

"Hi Eny." Tubbo smiles, his face shifts into a smaller one as the dream begins to dissipate, "It's nice to finally put a name to you."

* * *

Tubbo wakes up completely rejuvenated. His arm was by his side, strung up on his sling, still in that bed. He sits up, confused on why he wasn't restrained. Why he was just a bit tired and perfectly free. Even when George mentioned that he was going to be weak, due to the poison through the IV, he never once felt more tired than what he already was.

Was he immune or something? Because he didn't feel tired or anything. It's sad how he just noticed that the poison did jack shit to him, but maybe it's because he was already depressed and clearly too tired to really notice something like that.

Or maybe he's just a bit slow.

He shuffles out of bed, standing up and looking down at his neatly wrapped hand, with a small dotted smile on it. Similar to Dream's mask by design.

He yawns, rubbing his eyes and walking out the door. He's not sure where his goal is, he's not sure what he's doing. Maybe he can find Eret or something and tell him that he should leave. Or maybe he can find Schlatt and do a 1 V 1 with him. Maybe then, he can die right then and there - not in front of Wilbur, Tommy and them.

Maybe he can die an honorable death.

"...knew it... I was expecting you two...?" Quiet voices reaches his ears, during his mindless wandering. It's towards the front entrance, it's through the walls and it's directly left of him. Tubbo looks behind him, spotting a diamond axe hanging on the wall.

He makes quick work, blowing a small fire ember to burn the metal wall hooks, letting it melt and slip into his hand. He doesn't lift it up to his chest, but rather, he grabs the bottom part of it, letting the blade drag and grind against the dark oak floors. He walks down meticulously, slowly, unhurriedly.

"Stop. Stop - don't kill them. They're low." A quiet voice, more assertive rings out. It's vaguely familiar, Tubbo's eyes flickers to his bandaged arm, still with the dotted smiley face.

"Why not, Clay?" Tubbo's heart stutters, stopping and falling to his chest, hearing Schlatt's voice ring out perfectly maliciously, pointed. "You care for them? How stupid."

Tubbo remains quiet, just behind the corner as he sees the outline of the masked man shuffle his feet uncomfortably. Schlatt was standing beside him, smiling cockily above Dream. Dream had a black mask on, with orange outlines - but he can see it. He can see the dirty blond hair peeking out of his hood. Tubbo's mind flashes to the angered Dream with emerald eyes and Clay's warm ones.

> _"And how do you know that?" Clay stands up too, draping his arms around him and baring his weight down on his shoulders, "All your life, they've been keeping you in the dark about this. They sheltered you and look at you with pitiful eyes, as if they've done something unforgivable and can't take it back. Maybe he's ashamed of that name, maybe he would rather you look up to him still. You never know."_

Why did he just notice now?

> _"Aren't you tired of being patronized?" Dream continues easily, completely pushing away the young dragon's words, "I've noticed something, Tubbo. Everywhere you look, there's always someone looking after you. It was very hard getting you alone, I have to admit." He chuckles fondly, bringing a hand to his mouth to cover it as if it was an instinct, causing Tubbo to shift in a confused manner._

Clay's changes in behavior, his caring and goofy attitude shifting uncomfortably fast for his liking. One day he's as nice and helpful - then he's standing too close to Tubbo, asking why he liked L'manberg and that they were lying to him. Dream's cold nature but ability to manipulate words into sweet nothings before resuming his mask. His nice gestures such as the bandages but then he was the one that hurt him in the first place, bruising his wrist so hard that he was so sure it was going to snap.

They were both trying to place doubt in his head, about L'manberg. Why didn't he notice before?

Clay's dismissive attitude and overall general dislike over Wilbur - Dream's snarky and witty comebacks towards the leader...

"Really...?" He finds himself whispering to himself, his grip tightens on the bottom of the axe, still digging though the ground, leaving a large crack on the floor. He's surprised the noise didn't make them aware, it dragged heavily, noisily against the floorboards. They're both staring at something down the stairs, too occupied with whatever it was that they didn't hear it.

"You're stupid." ~~Dream~~ No, Clay says behind his mask, behind his fake identity, "I find it sad - how you think bullying small children is helpful to our cause."

He turns to Schlatt angrily, snapping to his tie and pulling the large dragon down to eye level, "Just give them back their friend."

Schlatt, in response, huffs a laugh, "You're not intimidating at all, Dream." He snickers, shoving the masked man's hands away from his suit, "You're a helpless human, just like these two." His red eyes flare up triumphantly, when he sees Dream shift backwards.

Tubbo tilts his head curiously, watching the scene unfold in front of him.

And it's odd, because Dream, who seemed so full of confidence, just shrink. He was so filled with confidence, knowing his way with words and - to see him look unsure seemed... wrong. It sent the back of his hair upright. It was uneasy. The green hooded man resumes his composure, seemingly glaring at the goat man behind the mask.

"I'll kill them." Schlatt smiles down at him, reaching for him, "That way the DreamSMP can reign over all. Once we destroy L'manberg completely. There will be only one power in control."

"I don't want that!" Dream screams suddenly, lunging forward and shoving him forcefully down the stairs. His shoulders are raised, he raised his voice. He lost control and started yelling, "I never wanted that! I never asked for that!"

A moment of silence.

"I wish you were dead." Clay says quietly. That statement floats in the room and it's the loudest thing in the room because the silence that follows it is deafening, "My dreams? Since when did you care about what I liked? You just follow your own agenda. It's not mine cause I didn't ask for this. I never did."

He tilts his head, "I know what I want, you don't."

"A dragon who grew too ambitious. Weak to empathy. Sympathy. You think hurting the things I care about will give you purpose - as if." The masked man scoffs, shaking his head as he dissolves into laughter, hollow and helpless laughter, "I wish you were dead. I wish I never had dreams in the first place, then maybe we wouldn't be in this fucking mess to begin with."

"What are you doing?" Tubbo jumps a mile, turning around to see Eret hovering around him carefully, "What's going on?" He looks past him, stumbling a step back when he sees Clay glowering at the two of them, "Oh." His deep baritone voice sinks down as he sees his boss's boss.

"And to make matters worse. You did kidnap him." Clay stomps to him, wavering as Tubbo pulls the axe and points it to them, threateningly, daring Eret or Dream to grab him. Eret backs off, holding both hands up as the other keeps his movements, pulling out his own axe. Eret retreats, not caring enough as he steps around, back to the direction he was going - down the hall. Tubbo stands at battle stance, looking up at his friend, his former friend??

What the hell was Clay to him now? His fake identity or his real one?

"Tubbo!?" Niki's worried voice rings out, behind him, behind Clay and down the stairs. Down the hall, he sees Eret pause completely at the sound of her voice - then hurrying faster to his destination. Trying to avoid her, Tubbo thinks.

A dead man walking, she was the only one who didn't know. Tommy and Wilbur knew from the ambush but she - she was still in the dark about him.

Tubbo's resolve grows harder, knowing that Niki was there. This wouldn't be ideal - Schlatt could disassemble his body right in front of her, he can't lose this. Dream's twitches, anger trembles through him like a tidal wave. "Tubbo. I'm just going to bring you down there. You can leave with them. Put down the axe and get the fuck out." He grinds out, shaky as he reaches out with his free hand.

"Why should I trust you, Clay?" He watches as the dirty blond freezes. Tubbo's gut twists and although he wants to cry, at the thought of his sweet friend being one of their biggest enemies side, "I..." He chokes, frowning at the ground regretfully. He doesn't want to fight the guy that taught him to fight in the first place. He doesn't want to fight him. He doesn't.

But he doesn't want to be ripped open to shreds right in front of his loved ones - just like how Fundy was.

He wasn't going to be like him. He wasn't going to be weak.

"Tubbo..."

_It's too much._ Tubbo thinks brokenly when he hears his name from his friend's voice, cracking in the middle.

"You son of a bitch!" Tommy's voice cries out, startling the both of them. The man in front of him curses quietly, lowering his axe and walking back to the stairs, "Just, fucking die!"

Hesitantly, Tubbo keeps a good distance from Clay, staying on one side of the stair banister and looking down worriedly.

The sight was something to behold.

Schlatt had a sword, Niki's sword, shoved down his the top of his skull and splitting though the bottom side of his chin. It cut through his brain, but it didn't seem to phase him in the slightest. He should be dead, but the dragon had a bored look on his face, allowing it to stay there, deep and into his flesh. He smirks at them, Niki stares at him in disbelief, fallen on her ass and staring at him like he was stupid, in awe.

Tommy's eyes flicker on his enemies, Dream and Schlatt. On Tubbo, then back at Niki as he held his enchanted sword in front of him. Schlatt yawns, pulling out the sword and tossing it in front of him, letting his blood splatter on the already red carpet. To his horror, he watches as the wounds begin to heal, stitching together, polishing the perfectly skin. Nothing was hurt - there wasn't even a scar on the white flesh.

"You did that before. And it still never did anything, Niki." Schlatt rubs the bottom side of his chin thoughtfully, he continues smiling, taking a threatening step towards her, "Want to try again?"

Tommy steps in front of her, "Try me bitch." He stands protectively in front of her, "I-"

"You're so fucking stupid Tommy!" Clay interrupts loudly, shouting, quickly descending the stairs to their defence, "Just fucking run! Get out! Get the fuck out - don't fight him - you know what's going to happen!"

He tries rushing Schlatt. Readying his axe only to flinch when Schlatt rushes him instead, quicker than he can blink and jabs him deep in the stomach with his hand. Clay crumples like paper, just for a moment! His hand gripping his axe swipes at Schlatt's head. But the older dragon just stops it with his hand, letting it slice it open to stop it as he reaches out to hold Clay's head. Only for him to slam his knee into his mask, shattering it and possibly giving him a concussion.

The fearsome unreadable villain, or so he thought, falls out of commission. Schlatt catches him, his eyes firm as he cradles his wishmaker's head.

"Fucking..." Clay groans in pain, frowning as Schlatt puts him down with the care he was lacking previously, "...Schlatt..."

Tubbo leaps down, rushing to them when Schlatt looks up at them, annoyed. Niki stands up with wavy feet, even though she was strong, the two of them trembled.

Fear. Irrational fear and bitterness swelled in them. The people who he looked up to with a bright smile, were quaking under his power. He just took out one of the best fighters in the world with effortless ease. Of course they were scared. His mind felt a rush of all bad emotions and Tubbo couldn't help but tremble too.

Not in fear.

_In rage._

Anger overtakes him, because he was the one who reduced Niki and Tommy back into scared kids again. Back into unsure and fearful directions, with unjustified actions. He was the man who drove L'manberg to a corner and began dismantling their hope one by one. Destroying hopes and dreams, to torture humans and dragons alike with aimless direction.

_He bets he's the one that made Philza disappear too._

_And as he thinks more and more, it makes sense. Knock out the grounding point in everyone's motives and actions and you have a fallen empire. And that's just what he wanted - right?_

"I'll kill you." Tubbo promises, ignoring his arm as it begins to burn. A flower decays under the bandage, but the pain is nothing compared to the countless years of grief, pain, and anger in Tommy and Niki's eyes. He remembers something that Clay had said to him, something that was easily drowned out that he didn't put too much thought on.

> _"If it's one thing I like in the world, it's to see other's expressions. It's how you can tell they're being honest." He uses the other hand to point at his eyes, "Especially the eyes, they're windows to the soul."_

And they were afraid. Anger, hatred, contemptment. They were honest emotions that were, for years and months, piling up one after another. Never ending and never stopping because he was still alive. He was still a walking threat. An unkillable dragon.

No wonder Wilbur was so scared.

Schlatt's smile twists into a degrading sneer as he stands up, towering over them. Nothing in his hand, just his fists and his immortal body that healed almost instantly. He steps over Clay's unconscious body, still fucking smiling, as blood red eyes. They taunt him from above, promising him a violent death.

Red was the color of all evil.

Techno's was warm, but his was cold and unwavering.

"I'd like to see you try."

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Uwu)/ If you enjoyed, don't be shy to drop a comment! ^^


	16. Burn

In reality, what did it mean to be in a war?

Was it the idea of conflict or the idea to do what was right? Was there ever a right or wrong in an concept that killed thousands?

Was it ever right to kill a person for his crimes?

Tubbo stands before this dragon, rumored to be an almighty dragon, whose bloodlust has surpassed Technoblades, one of the most fearsome dragons on this world. Between him and Tommy from meeting. Niki was behind them too, staring at shock as the wounds on Schlatt that should have killed him A sword should have killed him, but he was still alive and well, standing over them.

Threatening them.

His family.

~~Dream~~ No, Clay was still knocked out on the ground, crumpled and reduced into nothing but a green blob on the floor. Clay was hurt, still. Tubbo briefly worries for him, after all, even though he lied to him.

He was still his friend.

At least he hopes they still are.

He feels like he should feel more betrayed at the thought of Dream being Clay, one of his friends who he told most of his insecurities with. Who he cried in front of and went to for comfort when he couldn't turn to Wilbur or Tommy. But he's not.

He felt like he always knew. Deep inside of him, he had an inkling idea that maybe Clay wasn't who he said he was. He wasn't some rural village boy who had connections. 

He always knew things that Tubbo didn't know. Curious to know where his morals were and bring up subjects like Berserker and his insane parkour skills. His smooth crits and swift fighting abilities.

But what right did he ever have to question his ideas? Who was he to even question Clay, whose always been... so nice to him. even if he was scary at some times. Imitating and skillful.

"You guys should run." Tubbo says under his breath, glancing behind him. Niki's expression grows dark and Tommy's harden. He feels Tommy's hand grasp his shoulder firmly, "No, I'm not backing away from this." He protests when the grip grows even firmer, trying to ground him and pull him back.

He refuses, not budging the slightest when Tommy tries. He tries, he can feel his fingers digging into his skin and feel the desperation. the will to move him but Tubbo is just as strong.

Tommy opens his mouth, "You're weak, Tubbo." Ah again, there was that insistent phrase that never leaves, "Stand back, we can handle this."

"Tommy. Niki has been training for years. This is the man who broke L'manberg and you guys still can't manage a dent in him." Tubbo turns his head, staring at his best friend with the coldest look he can muster.

And his heart hurts because Tommy's face melts into one of shock, hurt as he looked at the young dragon, stunned that he was giving him this look.

"Go home." He mutters, turning back and feeling Tommy's grip relax. He looks back at Schlatt, who's still smiling at them, leaning against the stair railing. He's relaxed, clearly not viewing him as a threat - but that's fine.

He doesn't need to win.

He just needs them safe.

"Tubbo..."

"I'm not weak. You don't need to baby me all the time." He doesn't want to look at him anymore, he doesn't miss how his voice cracks a bit, waving ever so slightly, "Go."

"We're not leaving you." Niki hisses holding out her sword. There's still some of Schlatt's blood on it, dripping down to her hands. She flicks it off, grimacing how it sticks onto her skin, between her fingers.

~~_(Ones that could be cut off so easily. It's bizarre how his mind automatically went to the idea of her fingers sliced into pretty little hair or-)_ ~~

"Niki-" Tubbo starts, shaking the bad thoughts away, reaching out for her.

"No." Niki shoots him an icy glare, his hand falls to his side, "It's fine. Three vs one. It's fine. We should get Dream and leave." 

Niki pauses, deciding to put the sword away and place it back in its sleeve. She wipes the remaining blood on her white skirt and pulls out her bow and arrow from her back. She draws it towards Schlatt, right between his eyes, "I don't trust him with him."

"It's cute how you have this little circle." Schlatt hops up from his leaning place, stepping towards them and opening his arms in a hugging motion, provoking them to move forward, "It makes me a bit lonely, haha."

(Tubbo doesn't miss how his red dual iris flickers towards Dream behind him. Longingly, yearning, as if he desired a partnership such as the one that opposes him.)

Tubbo feels conflicted. Niki was stubborn to a fault and it wasn't like he doubted Tommy's skill. But. This felt too real. It felt too dangerous and he would just prefer it if they left.

> _It's safe within these walls._

Tubbo doesn't say anything. He keeps his eyes leveled and acts rashly. He hears Tommy shout out his name, a ghost of a hand tries to grab onto him - but he's already gone. He has no sheild, he has nothing but this diamond axe he stole from the wall. There's no enchantments on the axe. Yet it's the only thing he needs.

With all his might, he raises it above his head, and swings it down. He glowers when the dragon man doesn't flinch, and slides to avoid him just as easily. but if Clay has taught him anything, is that you can never rely on the first swing in the battle. He can't overexert his energy and tire himself out.

Frankly, he's not sure how to dodge without a shield - but it doesn't seem like Schlatt wanted to fight him. He just wants to see what he can do. He's still fucking smiling! It pisses him off!

He readies another swing, letting out a large sigh, a large burst of fire from his chest in front of him, to force him back so he can catch him off guard. But of course, he's a dragon too, he doesn't even flinch. Instead he laughs when it brushes against his skin, tickling his fancy. it barely fazes him and if he looks up, Tubbo can feel it.

That crooked grin, jaw opening for a twisted smile. One that told no stories and no glories.

_He wants to rip it to shreds._

Schlatt snickers at him, maybe taking him a little less seriously and stops Tubbo's axe from slicing him open with his bare hands. He bleeds, the blood drops slowly but he doesn't react. He doesn't even flinch - he doesn't even seem hurt.

Just amused.

He hates it. He doesn't like feeling like he's being looked down even more. Tommy and Niki were behind him, too afraid to get in the crossfire - too afraid to distract him. Niki's waving the arrow about, trying to shoot but too afraid to hit Tubbo. And Tommy was just...

Staring at him in awe...

Maybe they'll see that he wasn't as uncapable as they assumed him to be. But a part of him also climbed onto his skin and wouldn't let go. It wrapped around him like an overbearing vine that always stuck tot he ground, making him realize the severity of the situation. Tubbo places his axe between a still Schlatt and him, knowing that it's just going to end one way.

Tubbo was ready to die to make sure Niki and Tommy got back safely.

But he didn't want them to see.

He wants them to fucking leave! But they're stubborn - and for what? They can't do anything, they're weaker than him, their bodies can't handle heat, can't handle fire. They can't even get a swipe at him. They should run away. Where it'll be safe.

> _Within the walls.  
>   
> _

He yanks back his axe from his grip, watching it slide across his skin and glares up at him. His teeth was clenched, locked into a permanent scowl of frustration and hatred. Annoyed and angry, he felt like he could finally let all these bad, bad, bad feelings out.

He hates how it feels like Wilbur was right, about the walls being safe. It was safe for them, for the humans - not him. Wilbur had the right intentions but not the right idea, There's no was no winning in that plan.

There, they were just slowly losing hope in a nation. Waiting for the damn rat bastard to gnaw at it, bit by bit. Slowly and meticulously, until it broke apart.

But this wasn't a rat but rather a cat, with a Cheshire grin that told all.

Tubbo shakes his head again, slapping his cheek with his wrapped up hand. It's now bleeding though the bandage - but it wasn't like it stung. There was no pain, other than the slap on his cheek that he just inflicted.

He had to focus, focus on the enemies. He casts a quick look at Tommy and Niki, who are staring dead part him, like a deer in headlights. Shocked...?

Tubbo whips his head around, to see Schlatt's smile completely gone. Instead it's replaced with a cold stare, his hand gripping the wrist that stopped Tubbo's blade from swinging on his head. There's a continuous fountain of blood dripping down... slowly...

Then, a cold splash of water throws him for a loop - when he realizes that that expression meant. 

He's not healing.

* * *

_"Don't lie to me Tommy." Tubbo sends him a displeased look, wringing his hands anxiously. He's come to this point, finally coming to Tommy and asking him genuinely after these two month in the walls, of not knowing. He looks up to his hero expectantly, deflating when Tommy gives him a pained glance._

_There was always this look in his eyes, swirling with fear and expectations in his eyes. Telling him that he shouldn't ask something like that._

_"Don't be stupid, Tubbo. You know what my wish was." Tommy returns to his studies, purposely avoiding his gaze behind the book, "It was to be happy. You were born of happiness,"_

_"Why are you looking away then?" Tubbo protested weakly, wilting slightly when he sees his body go ridged. He doesn't want to tell him, he doesn't want to. "I can handle it. I promise."_

_"You can't." Tommy replies boredly, putting up his walls so Tubbo can't ever begin to dream to reach him. Higher up he goes, in his head, wrapped in his thoughts, "I don't remember half the things I wished for that day."_

_"Maybe I can help you?" Tubbo offers, sitting down beside him and leaning on his side. The blond was disgruntled, shifting over so that the young dragon had room to move. His heart breaks when he sees Tommy frown even more, clearly trying to suppress it. He doesn't want to tell him._

_But Tubbo had to know._

_"Just one?" Tubbo asks, tilting his head cutely, knowing that this was often the only way he could weasel an answer out of the solider in the making. "It can be vague or anything! I don't mind!"_

_Tommy side-glances him, "They're all vague."_

_"Was there more than one wish?"_

_Tommy looks away, out the window, "Dunno."_

_Tubbo frowns, grabbing onto his arm and yanking on him, "You suck at lying."_

_"Not lying."_

_"Your answers are getting shorter and shorter." The young dragon pointed out, his tail behind him flicks at the air behind him, "Just one?"_

_"...." Tommy sighs in defeat, finally turning towards him, "I technically wasn't lying about the happiness wish."_

_There's a wide window open to the walls. His favorite place in the library, where he could see the soldiers walk in after a war. Where the skies would always be a nice pretty blue, never to change hue._

_He admits with a soft and gentle smile, one that was only reserved for him, "I wished that everything would go back before the war."_

_He stands up, placing his book down and going towards the window, where the golden wind raced along his hair, ruffling it and there was a wide and playful smile on his lips. His friend was smiling so carefree as he throws his hands up, pointed towards the nation, "I want it all back to where everything was. Where the birds chirped and Philza was still here. Where Fundy and I used to hide bugs under Niki's pillow and late night sleepovers in Wilbur's office."_

_Tubbo watches as his hands drop slowly, falling to his sides as the grey clouds begin to roll around, destroying the clear blue skies. His face was unreadable, towards the outside so the other kid, the brown haired kid couldn't see._

_"I wish that all of this would just go away." Tommy confesses, "We never needed walls or anything until he showed up."_

_"I wish I could kill him."_

_"I wish Fundy was still with us."_

_"I wish Philza didn't abandon us."_

_"I wish I was enough for Wilbur to notice me."_

_"I wish I didn't hear Niki cry at night."_

_"I wish I had an answer to tell you."_

_"I wish I didn't exist."_

_"They're all impossible wishes, Tubbo. And none of them pertain to you." Tommy sighs, leaning down on the window sill, down on his elbows as he looks out to L'manberg, "Miracles don't happen over night. They don't happen in a day so I know that none of those are your wishes. I don't know what you want from me."_

_Tommy plucks a leaf, crushing it with his fists and watching as the wind takes it, "It's better to know that you were born of happiness then delve into that mess. You don't need to worry yourself about it. Just be happy."_

_And Tubbo was only two months - but he takes his word for it._

_Even though he has no idea what being happy was - he'll do it._

_Just to see that smile on his face again._

* * *

"How?" The goat man asks, keeping a steady furious fire in his eyes, he's gripping his wrist and glaring at the three of them with such venom.

It felt more satisfying to see that rather than his lopsided grin.

Tubbo was clearly smaller than him and supposedly the weakest out of the five in the room. Yet he managed to cause permanent damage to him. His heart swelled with a sense of pride, even Tommy could be heard, gasping like a fish behind him.

Technically, it isn't right.

Technically, he wasn't alright.

But at leas-

He doesn't have a chance to finish his thought process when he sees the older dragon rush to him, headbutting him square in the stomach and sending him flying past Tommy and Niki, who were too slow to react. Tubbo slams against the wall ruthlessly, creating a crater into the concrete walls.

He gasps in pain as it ripples though him like a tidal wave, he feels his body slide down the wall and paralyzed in the moment from the impact.

Schlatt stood before him, seemingly even taller when the younger dragon was on the ground, "How!?" He roars, disorganized and unbalanced. Shook that he was able to hurt him. His hand was still bleeding, dangling by his side. It drips.

Tubbo spits out blood, coughing as he tries to get his bearings. Tommy swings at that moment, when Schlatt's back is turned, but he doesn't move from it. Not phased in the lightest. He barely gives him a glance as he knocks down Tommy's legs and pushes him back to a wavering Niki.

They can't do anything. Their attacks bounce off of them like rubber bullets - and Tubbo was able to hit him somehow. What else can they do but stand around and smile though the pain?

An arrow hits his head, slicing though his forehead, and coming out of the backside of his head. He yanks it out, scowling as he throws it off like a useless stick - his attention is solely on him.

Good.

That's what he wants.

He wipes a side of his mouth, grimacing as the blood smears on his face.

"Karma." Tubbo shoots back in response, watching as his face twists into outrage and anger. He yelps in surprise as Schlatt grips his collar, holding him above the ground. His feet kick out uselessly, too short to do any damage and too lightheaded to think of a way out.

He grasps at his hands, glaring down at him for once, instead of looking up. He smirks, laughing at the older dragon's expression, "What? What's wrong? Did you finally lose your balls?"

Tubbo's laughter was the only thing in this mansion as he snickers, joy overfilling him, "What? Is the big bad guy scared?" He heckles, resolving into diabolical laughter, allowing his nails to dig sharply into his enemies wrist.

He hopes to cut a vein.

He hopes he rots.

He hopes he can make up for what he lacked.

"You're... so fucking annoying." Schlatt grumbles dropping him harshly to the ground, "Nothing like that other tool."

He leaves Tubbo there, casting them all a distasteful glare as he walks out, still holding his hand. Clay twitched in the corner of his eye, but Schlatt seemed completely disinterested. He grabs a spare torch hanging on the wall. He waits until Tubbo looks up, Niki and Tommy were already looking at him.

"Oh Eret! George!" Schlatt calls out happily, watching as Niki stiffens completely with a twisted smirk, "Kindly escort the guests out, won't you? The mansion caught on fire."

Then he drops it, watching as it engulfs the carpet in a flash, covering the whole entrance with fire. Schlatt smiles behind the fire, waving at them as he turns and leaves nonchalantly with his uninjured hand.

Tubbo jumps up, ready to chase him down when a wave of nausea hits him. He stumbles into Tommy, who catches him and holds him against his chest, tightly. His mind goes blank, he wasn't even hurt that hard! Yet here he was, breathing shallowly as they stumble up. He sees Niki shrugging Clay awake and Eret skipping the steps to get to them in a panic.

He sees Niki's enraged expression.

Then everything else was a blur.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> gods fight scenes are so hard, I hope you liked this chapter. This turned out a lot longer than what I wanted the battle to be - but I guess this works out. I have to do a Burn pt. 2
> 
> Oh chapter title! Pog. So the turning points of a chapter would be titles bc it reveals super info. Like world ending info. Such as Burn. You'll see why in later chapters.
> 
> Thank you for reading! If you enjoyed, don't be afraid to drop a comment!!


	17. Chapter 17

"It was weird to see you like that."

Tubbo's barely awake in the lowly lit bedroom. Tucked in, perfectly so the moonlight would cover a part of him. It's so bright, he can see the tiny dust articles dancing in the light. Past the dust, Tommy's facing away from him, sitting at the foot of the bed. He's not sure why he's here, or where he's at the moment, but the heavy sleep clung onto his limbs. That's all he can really focus on.

He's in a large room, similar to Wilbur's castle - but he had a feeling that it wasn't his. Judging from the way Tommy kept looking to the right, at the door, afraid that someone was going to come in.

He feels so tired and the pillows and plush heavy blanket felt so warm. He didn't want to move, he felt like sleeping again, letting it wash over him and just sweeping him away.

"I always thought of you as weak." Tommy laughs quietly, mirth evident in it, "I had no other reason to think otherwise."

Tommy's talking and it's the only thing he's clinging onto - the only thing keeping him from falling back asleep. His limbs didn't feel real - they felt like dead weights. He feels so fucking tired.

"I still do."

"Why?" Tubbo mutters out weakly, startling the blond. He whips his head to him, hurriedly climbing off the bed. He quickly makes his way to his side, reaching out and placing a gentle hand on his, "Why do you have that expression?"

Tommy's face was scrunched up, a mixture of disbelief and worry laced his tightly knitted eyebrows. He hovers over Tubbo, not sure what to do. He's more quiet than usual, but there's a grateful smile on his face, before it shifts into a saddened one.

"You're dying, aren't you?" Tommy states, not really asking, squeezing his hand when Tubbo blinks slowly, letting his eyelashes flutter. His tail shifts in the blanket, but his body still felt like it was so heavy, "There's flowers growing out of your skin. And that green bitch told me you had internal bleeding. From when Schlatt threw you."

"Oh." Tubbo yawns, reaching for his eyes to wipe some stray tears that slipped out, his limbs fall back down, falling back into the plush blankets, "Where are we?"

Tommy looks back at the door, warily, "Dream's home." He answers simply.

"Oh."

They fall into silence, with Tubbo leaning closer to sleep. He adjusts his hand, scooting back and patting the bedding. Tommy takes the hint, slipping under the covers and holding onto his hand, holding it preciously. As if he was going to disappear at any given time.

"It's just like when we were smaller." Tubbo smiles at him, childishly even though Tommy had a pained expression, "When Wilbur would read me stories and you would tuck me in..."

The young dragon sighs longingly, "I know I wanted adventure but I'm not quite sure if I wanted to ignite a war."

"I know. I know big man, I know you meant well." Tommy replies in hush tones, rubbing his hand with his thumb in soothing circles, "You never wanted anything like this. You didn't even know Schla-"

"I just wanted to be enough." Tubbo doesn't mean to interrupt him, but it spills out like a fountain. He looks over Tommy, purposely avoiding his eyes when he looks over him, towards the large pale moon in the glass window, "I wanted to impress you and show you both that I wasn't weak. You and Wilbur."

"You're enough, you're always enough, Tubbo." Tommy mumbles, "You're living proof of hope."

He feels Tommy squeeze a bit tighter, laughing sourly slightly, "I'm not dying - at least not right away. So there's no need for that look on your face."

Tommy doesn't change his expression, it's pained, strained and sad. It breaks his heart. If he gives him a reassuring smile, he feels like it's just forcing Tommy to be okay with it.

"How many stories until we become those stories?" Tubbo asks instead, watching as his friend's face scrunches up in confusion. He starts to protest, opening his mouth, so Tubbo chirps quickly, "No, no, listen!"

"Stories and fairy tales go hand in hand." He uses his free hand to gesture to their intertwined hands, "So you and I would be the heroes of the story. Since we're always together, y'know? So what if! Instead of listening to those stories, we simply became them? We would be the heroes and we'd have this nice fairytale ending of living happily in complete peace. None of that shady peace where you guys lie to me all the time."

"Where we would talk about our feelings and work out any unresolved tensions. There would be no wars - or at least - no serious wars." He grins like a fool, wrapped in his little daydream world, "Like we can make fake wars, for like, music discs or potions! Or territory disputes that go all wrong. We make our characters and make them funny. We'd all have a big laugh and at the end of the day, we're still all big best friends."

"Wouldn't that be nice?" Tubbo uses his hand to cover a huge yawn, that whole spiel tiring him out, "Ah sorry Tommy..."

He has to again, wipe at his eyes, tears trickling down and making him more tired, more exhausted than usual. He tucks himself in, pulling up the blanket to cover the both of them. He sighs, his eyes slip close without him knowing it. He feels Tommy shift.

"Yeah." He hears Tommy say, "That'll be nice."

* * *

"What the hell was I fighting for?" Niki shouts dreamily in the distance, between his unconscious brain and present one, "I've been fighting with your sword for _years!"_

Shattering glass, panicked shuffling, the dull sound of something hitting a shield.

"Niki! Calm the hell down!"

_"No!"_

Tubbo gets up before he knows it. He's not sure where this burst of energy came from, especially since he was so tired when he first woke up. Maybe it was the anger in Niki's voice, maybe it was Dream's panicked shout for her to stop.

His feet clatter nosily on the dark spruce flooring as he slams the dark spruce door with his arm. It slams against Niki, busting her face and sending her back, falling on her ass and holding her nose.

"Shit, I'm so sorry!" He brushes past Dream and Eret, falling to his knees to cradle her frame. She's still shaking with fury, her face red as she holds her bleeding nose. Tubbo scratches the back of his head wildly, reaching for his shirt to rip a small piece so that she could cover it with that. It's not enough - it's spreading to the rest of her face.

A flash of white startles him, he jumps when he turns and sees a white rag from Eret. Niki scoffs, leaning away, causing his expression to drop into a devastated one. She doesn't care though, judging on the way her expression turns steely when she gets up, tugging Tubbo up.

"I don't need help." She hisses, although she keeps a grip on Tubbo's ripped sleeve and his hand, "At least not from the two of you."

By the way, he has no idea what's going on. He ran out the moment that there was conflict and he didn't mean to hurt Niki - so he's relived when she tugs on his arm, going to the right, away from the two men. Surely, she had an idea of what was going on?

They end up going to a bathroom, where Niki presses white towels to catch the blood. It's bizarrely white in here, even the floors were quarts. His bloodied shirt sleeve was on the side, so he picks it up, disgusted as he throws it in the bin. He stays quiet as Niki washes her face, her other arm was still holding onto his shirt, similar to how a kid would when they were upset.

He guesses she never grew out of it.

"How are you feeling?" Tubbo tries for conversation, stopping short when she gives him a snide side look.

"You just woke up after being asleep for like three weeks and you're asking how _I'm doing?"_ She huffs in disbelief, shaking her head and washing her face again, reaching for the clear liquid, "I'm sorry that was the first thing you came to. I didn't mean to get so angry. I..." She looks up at her reflection in the mirror, frowning at her dark circles.

He hopes she isn't insecure in her looks, he can't help but think as she presses on them gently.

Tubbo thinks she's still pretty. Even if she was a queen of icy words and fury passion, she still had this light of determination in her eyes, he can see it reflecting in the mirror.

"After you passed out in Tommy's arms, Eret led us back to Dream's castle. Far away from home... if you still consider it that." She tacks on listlessly, "Schlatt got away after you hurt him, scared that you actually managed to get a dent in him. It was cowardly of him, to run away from a fight."

"Mm." Tubbo nods in confirmation, following her as she goes to collect the bloody towels, unfazed by the stickiness. "How's Wilbur? What about Techno?"

He doesn't like how her posture freezes, "Niki?"

"Wilbur and Techno are fine." Niki replies quietly, "At least I know Wilbur is. He's still managing L'manberg now that everyone left him - but we'll go back to make sure he's safe."

"Has he been alone for the last three weeks?" Tubbo's voice raises in worry, looking out, "What about Techno?"

"I don't know." Niki whispers guiltily, "Me and Tommy left Techno in the woods so he didn't have to face Schlatt. We didn't want him to see him, but we assumed he went home, back to L'manberg. I'm not sure if he's there." 

She grabs the back of her neck, rubbing the hair behind there in a frizzy mess, "We stumbled upon Schlatt's mansion by a pure coincidence, we didn't think we'd find it - but we did. And we found you."

Tubbo frowns, shaking his head. No, they couldn't have, could they? They just left Techno back in the woods? Where Schlatt went off to? Where the older dragon was still at large?

"We-" He stumbles back, worriedly grabbing his elbows and hugging his frame, "We- We have to go find him."

"You just woke up, Tubbo." Niki points out, shaking her head as she finally lets go of his shirt to grab his hand again, "It's been three weeks. We'll go back soon. L'manberg is our best bet." 

Tubbo looks down at his feet.

"If you still consider it home." She adds after a long pause, "You can stay here too. Dream may seem crooked but he has good intentions. I'm sure he won't mind." 

A part of him wonders if Dream was a good guy. He seemed like it - but he always gave him mixed signals. Red flags and green flags. It was just how Tommy described him as, unpredictable.

She pats him on the shoulder, hugging him tightly, she smells like daisies, "There's no pressure. Don't be worried. There's no rush. Just take your time and recover and you can get back to me whenever, okay?"

"Where's..." He hugs her back, shifting his head so that the horns don't lean uncomfortably against her skull, "Where's Tommy?"

He feels her squeeze him tighter. It does not reassure him.

"He went to go look for Techno."

That's all the pushing he needed. He peels away from her, offering her an apologetic smile as he runs off. She stands there, not even bothering to stop him and turns back to the bathroom. 

In a way, he's kind of grateful Niki never really stopped him from making his own decisions. And he knows. That this is a rash decision, to get out so early, his arm was still patched up - he was too afraid to see if there was flowers there, if he was any weaker. He felt fresh like a button - yet _Tommy_ was out there.

How long had he slept? How long was Tommy gone for and why did Niki seem so assured that he was safe? How did she know? Was he okay? She didn't even bother talking him out of it. 

That fire in his chest when he fought Schlatt was nothing but a dull lit fire - but the fire to keep Tommy alive and kicking was his driving force. He had to make sure that he was okay - he had to make sure.

Techno was at large. Schlatt was still out there. Wilbur was alone. He just woke up - and there's so many things going on - he can't afford to rest.

* * *

"You're stupid if you think I'm going to let anyone out at this hour, with this much health." Dream ends up catching him in the act of packing apples and weapons. He slapped the bag out of his hand and tucks him in a bed, against his will - but he has no choice to comply when he's outnumbered by Dream, Sapnap, and George.

A part of him was glad that for his first time being in the castle, he found the kitchen easily. It wasn't easy by the way, it was absolutely no where to being easy. The castle was incredibly scuffed and cluttered. There were barely anything hanging on the walls and-

It was like the place was empty. Hollow hallways with nothing tending to them. Dusty and forgotten. Unloved and uncared. They twisted and woven together, he passed by the same damn blue torch fire three times before he found the fountain, in the middle of the fucking walkway. There was towers of cobblestone in random baths and random hallway bits hanging on the walls that he had to climb - just to get to the other side.

There was multiple plants sticking out between the floorboards, climbing on the stone and bare walls.

The kitchen was just a shabby cobblestone furnace and a refrigerator - the dining table was cracked in half, the war axe was still in it - just hanging there.

Unfortunately, it was also where Dream was, writing some papers on the uneven table when he sees him. Sapnap was sleeping in his elbows, beside him while George was reading outloud. they both pause and Sapnap looks up when they spot him.

Sapnap had his horns off, although he looked like he could still cut someone if given a name or place. He was dragging a stone sword in his cherry pink pajamas, yawning behind Dream. George was still quiet as ever, wearing his dark purple robe. He's standing beside Sapnap, reading intently in a book, frowning heavily when Sapnap leans on him with his elbow, using his height disadvantage to his advantage.

"But Tommy-"

"He always comes back." Dream snaps at his protest, taking the time to actually tuck him in like how a mother would to a child, "I put a tracker on his sword without his knowledge and section B is accompanying him. I'm not stupid - I'm not going to send out an overly emotional and reckless brat out by himself with an invincible dragon on the loose, with the berserker out there as well."

"But-"

"And I _know._ " Dream cuts him off, "You're sick and tired of laying in bed, but you do need to heal. Dragons are more durable and I technically don't know your limits but I know an injured man when I see one."

Tubbo sinks down defeatedly, already sick of the fluff behind him, "I want to help."

"I know you do." The green hooded man sighs, glancing back at the two to leave. When they listen, although a bit reluctant, he lets Tubbo sit up, "And I'm not stopping you like how Wilbur does."

Dream sneers at the mention of his leader, "But you should at least get some answers rather then second guessing yourself. And you should heal. I..." He touches his mask thoughtfully, undoing the strap to reveal the nervous smile of his friend, Clay.

There was a a slight brown bump where Schlatt had slammed his knee in his face - but it was well on the way of healing. He was almost as perfect as a peach in terms of health. He supposes it was a long time he's been out so he was able to recover. And Schlatt technically never really attacked them, only Tubbo.

A part of him was grateful that Tommy, Niki and Eret out out, unscathed for the most part, minus the psychological trauma.

And there was a **_lot_** of psychological trauma in them all.

Faked death, murder, lies and deceit. He wonders where it all lies from.

Probably from Philza. A lot of things seemed to stem from his disappearence.

"I'll answer any question you give me, I owe you that. Any. Promise." He reaches out, and childishly holds out his pinky, waiting for Tubbo to do the same, "Pinky swear."

Tubbo wraps his pinky with his friend, watching them link together, "Promise?"

"Yeah." Clay offers him a reassuring smile, a smile that brought him back to that field of lush grass and midnight moonlight. "I promise."

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> :3
> 
> Also, if you're confused on why everyones like oh, look! Tommy's out and Techno's out! Schlatt can kill them but its okay! It's not - they're just had time to process it - Tubbo's been asleep for like three weeks, recovering from god knows what. Internal bleeding??? Exhaustion??? I dunno - all you need to know that they're in Dream's castle and this is a chill few chapters with answers and not more questions.
> 
> Too much action and tension tends to kill the story so we're chillin. uwu
> 
> If you enjoyed, don't be afraid to drop a comment!


	18. Chapter 18

_"I don't get it."_

_"Well, it's true."_

_The boy with dirty blond hair glared up at the impassive dragon, emerald eyes met dark red hues. A small forest surrounded them - it all surrounded them. Clay was just a boy, holding his first ever sword, sculpted in wood. He points it at the tall dragon, mythical and mysterious._

_"I never wished for anything." Clay counters as easily, his eyes hardening, "And I wasn't aware that dragons even existed - I feel like there's several steps missing. Who are you and why are you claiming you come from my dreams?"_

_"Because it's true." Schlatt says breezily, reaching down and plucking the sword from his tiny hands, "I don't know what else to prove it to you. I just manifested and started following you for about..." He places his hand on his chin, stroking it thoughtfully, "Six years?"_

("How old were you?" Tubbo pipped in the middle, "He just came to you one day, no egg or anything?"

"No. Fucker's been stalking me since I was six years - came up to me claiming he was my dragon when I was twelve.")

_Clay takes a stumbling step back, intimated by the man's sheer height. He's smiling so confidently and dressed in a suit. It felt like he was training for this, wearing a suit and coming for a village boy. To whisk him away to a role of power. He promised him that he would be king but..._

_"I don't want anything like that." Clay spits out venomously, untrusting of the dragon, "So go away."_

_Clay wanted to make his own kingdom, full of men that he can trust. He wants to make a name for himself. He's not proving anything to anyone - he's not making up for anything. He knows he's enough, so why would he trust this dragon, who claims that he'll make his wishes come true?_

_The dragon narrows his eyes, letting the wooden sword drop to the floor, "Oh?" He lets out a breathy sigh, tilting his head like how one would do for a small puppy._

_He reaches out, about to pat him when Clay takes another step back, fire in his eyes._

_"You always wanted a place to call your own." He states, reaching out to hold the side of his face, "It's troublesome."_

_"Don't touch me." Clay smacks his hand away, taking another five steps back, "Go away. I don't know you. Stranger danger, go away."_

_He sticks his tongue out, swiftly turning around and running back to the village._

* * *

("And he kept following you no matter where you went?"

"Like a plague, yes. He was very stubborn.")

_The mysterious dragon ends up following him to the village, claiming that he was his guardian, trying to instill himself as a responsible adult for him. It was weird, he was weird, pushy and clearly wanted something. Clay didn't trust him - and he didn't like how everyone was believing it._

_Clay never had any parents, just a poor village boy that lived along the river. He had made sure that he, himself could be responsible without them. He shoveled coal in furnaces and cooked metal. He cut wood and helped out when he could. He had no need for adult figures when he could be more than those._

_He didn't need this idea, where an adult would be responsible for him. He was weird, claiming that he can help fulfill his dreams because the young boy had too much ambition._

_Too much, that it was beginning to make his skin rot, or so that he claimed._

_"Go! Away!" Clay exclaimed wildly, running away from the slow walking adult, stalking him, "This is predatory behavior! You suck! You stink! You rot!"_

_"I can promise you a future, stupid f- human." He doesn't miss how Schlatt almost curses at him, "I can help lead you."_

_Clay whips around so quick, it nearly gives him whiplash, "I don't need it! You're weird! I don't need help - it's weird how you keep claiming you're responsible for me - I don't even know you."_

_Schlatt's eyes keep looking down at him, a thin line spreads though his face, clearly not amused, "Child." He insults, much to the blond's annoyance._

_"You don't see how this is weird???" Clay sputters, astonished that the older one, the damn dragon seemed nonchalant with it, just a bit annoyed._

_Schlatt stood there, passively - not reaching for him or anything, just crossing his arms and waiting for an answer. And Clay, he's not sure what to give him. He's not sure why he's so insistent that he gain power - there's no proof of anything. It could be a scam or a child solider selling ring._

_He won't fall for it._

_"Listen, brat." Schlatt steps forward, his large frame towers over him, casting the small boy in a shadow, "I'm not helping you because I want to. I don't care for you. You're nothing but a pest in my path."_

_He states in a bored, monotonous voice, "You're stubborn, idiotic and reckless. It's better if I just seal you away, in a position of power so that you don't die."_

_"Why the hell do you care?" Clay snaps back, fuming with his voice, standing forward, not stepping back at all, "As I said, I don't know you. And you don't know me, I don't know what you're trying to pull - but it's not going to work with me."_

_"And what are you claiming that you'll do?" Schlatt sneers back, chuckling lowly, just under his breath, "You'll die alone and helpless. Maybe in a ditch? And no one will miss you. I'm offering you a future and you don't want it? Don't humans want a future?"_

_And he does, and that's why he's still in this world. He's still alive because he's too stubborn to die, he's determined like that. But if it's even remotely not all him, then why was he try? He needs to do this by himself - and he has no idea who the hell this guy was, claiming that he was a dragon, bounded to him._

_"I..." Clay backs down, still frowning at him, "I'll make my own damn future. I don't need some second-hand help."_

_"Fine." The dragon bites out bitterly, "Then do it yourself."_

_"I will." Clay utters, holding his elbows, "Leave me alone, wack job."_

_"Over the hill there, there's a place called Manberg." Schlatt points off in the distance, where he can see the dark heavy walls, "If you change your mind, I can bring you to power."_

_"I won't need it."_

* * *

_"I'm not saying that this is charity. Just like everyone else, you have to earn your place." Another small dragon claims, smiling at him as he offers his hand, "Niki's learning sword and Tommy knows how to manage a country, despite how incompetent he seems."_

_There's an undignified "Hey!" in the background but Fundy, the dragon, didn't seemed phased by it. He's still offering a hand to a quiet man in a smiley face mask, "Thank you for protecting my siblings, it's the least I can do."_

_He's taken on a mask, one with a smiley face, something simple to hide his expressions. He has a really hard time hiding it - he's an open book without it. His expressions were always easy to read - and it doesn't help that he has his heart on his sleeve._

_With this mask, he's eerily unpredictable. And he likes this expression, because no one can tell._

_He likes it this way._

_Dream held his diamond axe, drenched in blood of the undead. He stares down at them, his lips sealed, he doesn't like talking. At least not to them. Not to anyone._

("Why?" Tubbo asks gently, reaching for his hand, to comfort the pained look on his friend's face, "Was it becau-"

"No." Clay shakes his head, a soft yet bitter smile on his face, "I learned it's better not to talk. Schlatt did many things to convince me to come to him. Including, but not excluding breaking my leg, nearly setting the village on fire, almost stabbing Sapnap and... he's very good with words. And very brutal. I don't prefer it.")

_He shakes his head, but Fundy wasn't having it. He pulls off one of his rings and gives him one, a small golden band. He doesn't wait for his answer, slipping it on without much thought, "It's okay. You don't have to if you want to. But there's always an open place on the knights table for you. Just show Philza or Wilbur the band - they'll know."_

_Dream tilts his head in questioning._

_"No! Seriously. It's like a win win, you can sell if you want." Fundy grins stupidly, patting his back in comfort, "But it's like a little engagement ring, don't you think its cool?"_

* * *

(Tubbo doesn't like how Clay's expression was a twisted into happiness and pain, his eyes seem watery, "We can stop it, if you want."

"No..." Clay shakes his head, "No no no. I don't want to disgrace his memory like this, he was amazing.")

_He, unfortunately, becomes just like Schlatt. Following after the trio in the woods, making sure they were safe. He was very good at hiding, or thinking of clever gimmicks to surprise them. Sometimes he liked placing harmless traps and watching as Niki, the blond girl, grin at him past the trees. Fundy who would cackle when Tommy slips in traps, smacking his face on the floor of hanging by his foot._

_He doesn't like talking, but he can't help the grin on his face. It's hidden behind his mask, perfectly concealing it - but it feels like Fundy can see right though him because he feels an arm swing around his neck, pulling him in a hug._

_Childish glee, with a bright smile. Reckless and foolish, clever and sweet, they were the perfect examples of idealistic liabilities to have._

_But he can't help but care for them. He cares for them immensely, but his hope shows on Philza._

_A man who uprooted a nation and claimed the ground. To grab different nations and group them together - to make this world where dragons and humans can live together. He admires the determination, the light and the woes. He hears stories from the kids, telling about stories about the Berserker and the stupid Wil, whose stubborn to a fault._

_He finds them cool, he wishes he could meet them. Wilbur who was so determined to help lead, to make the walls a special place. It's the wish Fundy was from, to protect the nation, to be a worthy man of protecting it. Fundy think Dream would help protect it._

_And the Berserker who tore down others walls to make wars. Waging them and destroying them for the nation._

_"You shouldn't hope with them." Schlatt says one day, after a day of chasing him down, "You shouldn't hope for anything. Since you're so determined not to accept my help."_

_"What the hell would you know?" Dream exclaims, looking up at him with his mask with a coy tilt of his head, "I don't need it. I want to work to it. I'm going to become a knight in Manberg, without your interference."_

_"You don't think I'll do something?"_

_He can hear a pen drop. Chills climb up his spine and he can't help but shiver at the icy look._

_Dream takes a step back, at the deadly look in his eye. He's smiling maliciously, "You don't think I have something planned? You can't tell me, I was working for them just to work for them?"_

_"What are you planning?"_

_"Mmm." His eyes flickers down to his golden ring necklace. Dream reaches for it_ _subconsciously, but that only makes the horned man smile even more._

_"If you hurt him, I swear...!"_

_"Oh, I'll do worse." Schlatt promises, grinning as he holds up his pinky finger mockingly, "It's funny because it's the only way to get you more determined. So I'll make sure it's the last thing you remember. When you cradle his dead body. I'll make sure he suffers more and more, rotting slowly in the end."_

_And he hates it because it makes sense. If dragons were born of wishes and determination, then the wish to kill Schlatt just fuels him. It makes him stronger because Dream's wish and determination keep building up. To own a castle - to be more ambitious. To kill him._

_It just makes him stronger, so he can't afford to care about him...!_

_So- he shouldn't he shouldn't!_

_But it was too late, that little outburst of bitterness, of anger._

_It was the whole tipping point._

_Philza vanished the same year, the Berserker earned his name by tearing down and Fundy...._

_Why?_

_Why didn't he do more?_

_Why didn't he kill him?_

_Like he could._

_Like he should._

_Like he would._

* * *

"That wasn't your fault though, Clay." Tubbo says from the bed, tucked up to his neck and almost unable to breathe. His friend was facing away from him, his fingers trembling for his mask, desperate to hide from the world.

"He wanted you to have ambition, so he put this all to you. You can't think that's why you're responsible for Fundy's death." Tubbo protests, beginning to sit up, stopping when Dream gives him a firm frown. He sinks back down without much of a fight, "You told me yourself, you didn't do it."

"I pushed him though. To do it, since I didn't accept his offer. I threw it all into action." He covers his face with his hands, covering his woes, "I know, I didn't stab him. I know I could have saved them. And I know that I could have done some more. But."

"I don't know." I don't know, I don't know.

"That's why I'm trying to get it resolved with a peace treaty. That way I can help resolve this issue..." Clay chuckles nervously, like he did something wrong, rubbing the back of his neck, "Instead of rigging the whole place with TNT."

"You did what now-?"

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Smol dream flashback :3
> 
> If you enjoyed, don't be afraid to comment and tell me what you think! ^^


	19. Chapter 19

Tommy ends up returning home before the sun begins to rise, much to the mythical dragon's utter relief.

But it's not enough to quell this uneasiness in his chest.

There's tension in this chat, something where something obviously went wrong. If it wasn't the fact that no one talked, it was the fact that the walls were so bare and empty. It's so uneasy to see something so grand, something with so much effort into it - just empty.

There was so much crap hanging around, thrown around and it made a mess, where there was plenty of rats skittering when he walked into a different section of the hall. He had an urge to clean it - but was that really the right time to do it?

There was a bloodthirsty dragon out there, one that had sworn to destroy L'manberg from it's roots. Schlatt had so much hatred towards it that he was willing to watch it rot from the inside before he broke it down. And here Tubbo was, standing in a long hallway, debating on how to clean it or not.

Tubbo grabbed his horns, curling up alone, in the smallest corner of the castle and sighs.

So here he was. Hidden safely in the walls so he can heal, while the enemy plots. Something diabolical, something evil and something life changing. And he can't do anything because he was 'healing.'

He wants to leave again. He wants to die somewhere - somewhere secluded once he takes out Schlatt. Because apparently he's the only one who ever managed to get a dent on him - and that's a big deal.

But they have no plan to do anything. He's not hearing them discuss things, in fact no one in the castle talks to one another. Niki started self-isolating, feeling unbelievably betrayed that the very cause of her fighting was still alive, that he had faked his death to aid Schlatt. Tommy was determined to find Technoblade, often leaving at noon and only coming back at the beginning of dawn to supply and eat.

Techno was still in the woods, lost and confused, and Tubbo felt angry, at the fact that his older dragon family was lost, that Tommy and Niki just left him in the woods. Just because they didn't want him to meet Schlatt for some odd reason and it frustrates him because, guess what! He's in the dark of the situation again!

Again, hiding in the walls, oblivious because he doesn't want to ask. Because he's scared to know their reactions - or...

He knows, it's not their piece to tell. They aren't him so they can't tell him if it's personal. Only Techno can tell him - when he's ready. He knows, so why does he feel so hurt?

Was he just looking for an excuse to be sad? By blaming everyone but himself?

Shouldn't he be the one that asks? He should ask.

Tubbo blinks, mutely aware that there was a blanket around him and a bloody water bowl near him. Gentle hands rubbed the lime green washcloth between his fingers, getting rid of the blood that had unknowingly spread around his hands. He looks up, trying to focus, but he can't. He feels so tired and drained, and the tension in the castle isn't fucking helping.

He lifts his other hand, reaching for his horn again when a hand swipes at it, holding it gently, but firmly and drops it by his side. Under his nail, there was blood, the side of his horns felt raw, his skin felt raw.

He wanted to tear it off. The feeling wouldn't go away - it just won't go away...

"You should talk to Niki." He mutters, trying to distract himself, from doing more damage. The hands washing his own pauses, but resumes their task, "You don't have to explain anything. You don't have to talk. Just be there for her."

Eret doesn't respond to him, instead he adverts the question, "How long have you been doing this, Tubbo?"

"Doing what?"

"Caring for others before yourself." Eret asks, peering up at him over his dark sunglasses, "You're tearing yourself apart. You have blood under your nails and you don't even have nails."

Tubbo's slopped over the wall, but there's a wry smile on his lips, "Dragon behavior. It's natural for us to break apart." He lies breezily, but it doesn't bypass him, because he can only see the thin line on the human.

Weak humans, yet so strong willed.

Strong dragons, yet so weak willed.

"You should talk to Niki." Tubbo tries again, trying to weakly tug away his hand from Eret's gentle one. He lets him go, letting it fall to his side, "I'll be fine. I'm just..."

"You're disassociating. Daydreaming. Alone in the dark where no one can find you right away unless they actively went out to find you." Eret gives him a pointed look, "And you killed a poor rat."

"I wanted to clean it." He tried to justified - although he knew it made no sense.

If anything he just made a messier mess on the dark spruce flooring, with the dark red puddle staining the wood. But in his mind, it seemed like it was justified - he didn't even notice was out of it, dissociatiing, and letting his mind wander.

"I'll talk to her." Eret stands up, pushing on his knees and holding his hand out, for Tubbo to hold onto, "Just let me bring you to your room, at least...?"

Tubbo nods, reaching for his horn - stopping and lets it drop to the side, "Okay..."

* * *

The need to complete something is something unimaginable. Because it's the constant beating in his heart, a constant ringing in his ears - and he needs to - he just needs to finish it.

Tubbo was finally allowed out today, accompanied with Dream and Sapnap, he watches as George stands over the cliff looking over an ocean, the wind was harsh, picking up his robes and sending violent wind treks though it. Sapnap and Dream were talking about something, something about small rabbits and their meat. Something about making jumping potions where they jumped higher than normal.

Honestly, their conversation seemed like background noise to him, because his eyes were dead focus on something else.

Tubbo stood between the two of them, watching George teether against the rocks, his foot dangerously over the edge. The line between life and death.

He wants to...

_Push him off._

Frowning at the thought, he vehemently shakes his head, taking a step back and looking away from George as he gathers dandelions in his basket, for his potions.

If Dream or Sapnap look at him funny, he didn't do it. He didn't think it.

He doesn't think about how satisfying it would be if he saw his torso split open from the jagged rocks and how the organs would be split everywhere. He doesn't think about Dream's enraged expression under the mask or Sapnap's usual playful attitude just dropping when he sees what he has done.

Tubbo rushes forward, bursting in front of them and reaches, both hands held out.

"Tubbo--??"

"Hey...!"

Tubbo grabs onto George's robe and tugs him closer to him, away from the edge. His fingers tremble from where they're hooked at - but it's secure when George wiggles a bit, trying to turn around and look at him.

"You're..." Tubbo starts, his voice is so dry, he winches, "You're making me really anxious. There's dandelions here, don't go so close to the edge."

"We get Dandilions here all the time, don't worry." Sapnap says with a gleeful smile back on. He reaches out, "George-"

"No..." Tubbo shakes his head, backing away from Sapnap's grubby hands, "Why take the risk? There's flowers everywhere - just pick those ones over there." 

He doesn't like how Dream stays quiet, just watching them. He doesn't let go of George until they agree and move away from the cliff. He doesn't calm down until they're safely within the walls. And he doesn't wait for Dream to say something when he runs off to his room like a bat out of hell.

* * *

He starts to understand why Wilbur never tells him things. It's better not to talk about it because it just complicates things in the end. It's less congested. Out of thought, out of mind, out of prime. Tubbo used to hate no one telling him anything - but now he gets it.

He just wants to get something done. he just wants to understand, he just wants to cry alone. Where no one can hear him, where nothing can hurt him. He wants to go back in the walls and talk about how happy the times were, before he screwed everything up. Before things got so mixed up and scary.

The future was scary.

But at the same time, you can't just live in the past, in a black and white mindset. They can't live there, in complete fear of something, anything happening to push them forward. He still believes Wilbur was wrong, in hiding the truth. From everyone, anyone.

But at the same time, he started to understand why he thought the walls were safe. Why they were the only thing that grounded them all. Because nothing can get in and nothing can get out. He finds the idea of the walls working for humans, who were naturally very weak in terms of body. But once the thought of something going wrong, a drop of soap in a dish of pepper tends to clean the herd.

For humans, weak like Dream, Niki, Tommy, George, Sapnap, and Eret, they should stay within the walls.

For Dragons, like Schlatt, Technoblade, Fundy and himself, it was better off if they handled their own business - far away from any humans, away from any walls that could restrict them.

He can't just sit still when Techno was still out there. Even though he was sure that the elder dragon could handle himself, he still had to make sure. He still had to do something, other than just wait like a princess within the walls.

"You're not coming with me." Tommy states dully, his eyes worn and bags under his eyes. Those blue sapphire eyes, once full of life and fight had been reduced to dull blue, expressionlessly staring back at him.

"Either I go with you." Tubbo argues with him, raising his chin in defiance, "Or I go alone."

And Tommy just sighs, as if he was expecting this as he reaches out and grabs Tubbo by the arm, tugging him along without much of a fight. He doesn't say anything, clearly displeased but resigned to go along with his whims.

They leave at noon.


	20. Chapter 20

Everything seems so mundane - so boring and bland.

Another dream, the same place. He misses the creative dreams where he thought it was reality. He wishes that at least, it'll be something different every time when he dreams - but now it's the same thing nowadays - it makes him sick to his core and he has no idea why.

There was nothing different - wasn't this a routine now? Aren't routines something to be glad for since they provided order and grace to ones life?

Maybe for a human, Tubbo thinks bitterly, Maybe for a human, it could be healthy - but this just made him restless.

Same damn colors, same damn patterns, same damn pitying looks. Desperate ones like Tommy's, as stern as Clay's and as playful as Sapnap's.

"Why are you guys always here?" Tubbo finds himself asking, tucked in the same corner as the former king's form. He has gone still, not moving or saying anything. But the slow rise of his chest was the only signal that he was still alive. "You're always in my dreams. And it's always in this same exact spot."

"It's because you have the strongest connection to the End, Tubbo." Philza peers at him, under his matted and unkept blond hair. He has his arms crossed against his chest, pushing it down, "You're the only one other than Techno who can see me. You're the only one who can see him too."

Him?

Unknowingly, his eyes wander over to the small spruce trapdoor, where he knew his friend was. Hidden under the floor, in somewhere dark as if he was afraid. Fearful from the way he talks, hides and speaks. Brokenly trying to form sentences the best he can and the way he flinches...

"Eny?" Tubbo tilts his head questioningly, watching as the man weakly chuckles. Warmly and gently, he can see why so many people love and admire him. Even though he seemed beaten down, breathing shallow breaths - he was still warm and safe.

It made most of his violent thoughts fade away.

"Eny?" Philza snickers, shaking his head, "No wonder he doesn't respond when I bring back food... He must be fond of you..." 

"Is he?" Tubbo remembers the first time he met him - it had been a surprise when he swiped at him, trying to scare him away at first - before labeling him as the scary one and hiding away. But he didn't deny the warm affection he had for Eny. Even though it was rare he was able to manifest something other than darkness, the times he spent here was nice. Even though it was maddening - it had its up's and down's.

"His friend, Ubbo." Philza teases gently, reaching over and pretending to grab his nose. Tubbo frowns, leaning away from the kind king when he does that, sick of being treated as a child, "Ah that's right. You're sixteen about. Not as small as Techno... Ah it's been so long since I've seen him..."

Philza slumps back, resuming his small fetal position, seemingly smaller and weaker than the grand king he always saw in the pictures, "Last time I saw Techno, he was just a kid, about seven - always following that damn traitor like a lost puppy..."

"Schlatt." He feels anger curl around him, like a vine digging though his skin. He jumps when he hears a distinct bump, then a loud screech, from the trapdoor. Eyes wide, he peels off the wall and hovers, unsurely over the door. Should he go in?

"Best you not say his name, mate." Philza says, shaking his head solemnly, "Eny tends to freak the fuck out."

"Should we...?" He looks up expectantly, worry etched into his face, "Should we go comfort him?"

"No." He shrugs, smiling sadly at his form, "I don't have the energy to spare. I have to hold on, until you find us. And you're about to wake up."

Tubbo looks at his hands, watching it slowly fade, as if he wasn't apart of the dream world to begin with, "I..." He shakes his head, reaching out - to try to grab his hands - but they phase right though his. He can't grip anything, "How can I find you!?" He cries out desperately, running out of options.

He stands above them as Philza just chuckles.

Despairingly, raw, and defeated, "I don't know, mate. I have no clue."

* * *

"You're going to kill yourself if you keep doing this." Tubbo calls out, hollow, as Tommy trudges on, bending down and avoiding a branch. It pulls back and nearly swings on his face, has Tubbo not swerve to dodge it. The leaves still managed to slap his cheeks though, leaving a light red tint.

"I don't care." Tommy shoots back, harshly, and it hurts a bit, when he doesn't even look to him. He's dead focus on finding Techno and avoiding his gaze.

He isn't sure how Tommy does it. He's wandering the forest, aimlessly. The soldiers that Clay had sent them were marching behind them, in a slow rhythmic pattern that just seemed numbing. Nothing but trees from miles away. Sometimes if they were lucky, they'd hear an owl's hoot or a fox's scampering feet, the bushy tail whipping around a tree to hide away from humans.

Tommy's face was sullen, tired and drained, he was barely walking in a straight line anymore - yet he refused to give up. With every second step, he stumbled before getting the right foot again. His determination and his light, was slowly diminishing to nothing and it drove the younger dragon up the wall. Because he know - he knew that Tommy wouldn't be reckless like this.

As stupid and bright as he is, he was anything but reckless. He was a fighter - but he knew when to take breaks when he needed it. He always told Wilbur to take breaks and tried to exercise that example when he could.

He's doing that again and it's not just Tubbo this time, it's also Technoblade. He's doing this for the both of them. And he knows that it's not good either way.

He's doing this to find Techno, because he left him in the woods. Because there's something obviously wrong because there's this explosive worry, slowly draining him of his hope. Flickering candlelight, no oxygen, no fire. He's scared of something - something involving the older dragon-

_But Techno could handle himself easily. He was known as the Berserker, Clay said it himself, he could destroy anything he wanted -- so what was he so afraid of?_

He's doing this to avoid Tubbo, like those journey's he goes on with Wilbur. Like that vigilante hunts they had back in L'manberg. Like the times he tries and tries to get Tommy to open up, only for the human to throw off some excuse that he needed to do something.

He was avoiding him.

Tubbo stops suddenly. Standing in the forest as Tommy walks on without a care, because he's so dead set on throwing himself in danger before he has a chance to talk about it. It takes him a while, an embarrassing while until he's a speck in the tree lines when the soldiers behind him stop, glancing worriedly between him and Tubbo, unsure of what to do. Unsure of what to do when one stops suddenly.

And Tommy turns back, frowning towards his direction, giving him a malicious leer and it _hurts._

"You can't keep doing this." He says quietly, slowly his voice gets louder and louder, "You can't keep fucking doing this, Tommy!"

"Doing what!?" Tommy roars back, just as feisty, he turns back with a fire in his eyes, "Are you going to move or are we going to have to go back!? Huh?" He marches back with vigor, standing nearly face to face, although Tubbo had to look up, to meet his eyes.

Dull and devoid of any fight even though his voice and body said otherwise.

"You said you can handle it. Either you come with me or you go alone. I'm _listening,_ aren't I?" Tommy snarls though grit teeth, jabbing his pointing finger into his chest. He has to physically move back to avoid it - but he keeps jabbing it and keeps doing it, "You always ask for useless shit and it's okay if you take a rest because you're still a kid!"

"So are you!" Tubbo snaps, grabbing his fingers brutally and he hears a _sickening_ crunch of Tommy's fingers when he's had enough of the jabbing, "You're a kid too! If you're going by that logic - then you should take a rest!"

"Why should I!?" Tommy yanks his fingers back, cradling it as he sneers down at him, "I'm not injured here. I'm not some runaway whose afraid of his own shadow."

Tubbo sputters, blinking in disbelief, "The only reason why I ran away was because I was sick and tired of you guys sheltering me! I had to!"

"And now Techno's missing."

Tommy glares at him, hatred and anger that boiled finally coming to light. Had Tommy always stared at him like that? He always thought it was pitiful gaze, like a human watching an injured deer hobble around in the castle walls. He was so angry - but Tubbo can't help but feel somewhat relieved.

Because it's something other than _sickening pity and sorrow._

"Yeah." Tubbo narrows his eyes at him, watching as the light fills his eyes again, but now full of blame and anger, "So what? I never asked for you guys to come after me."

He turns back, heading down the way he came and leaving Tommy on the forest floor. He knows the way and even though a solider peels away to escort him back - he doesn't have regret.

Because he knows Tommy will come home safe and sound. And he knows that his words had some impact - so what if he hates him? At least he'll have that drive, that fire in his eyes. He'll have something to chew on - to think about. He can't resolve this all the time, he can't be a therapist when he had his own issues to deal with.

And if Tommy did finally come to the conclusion that Tubbo was more trouble than what he was worth, then it just made cutting the strings much easier to him.

* * *

_(Tommy comes back home at the crack of dawn, angry embarrassed tears slide down his cheeks. His eyes scan for Tubbo, but he isn't there to greet him. Not there physically, but near the wall. But he sees his fingers, his fingers in a splint._

_Had he grabbed them that hard?)_

He hurt someone he cared about, yet he can't help but feel this hollow feeling. Nothing in his chest. Nothing in his heart. Everything seemed. Dull grey. He avoids Tommy, hiding away in the hidden corner of the training room, of straw dummies.

He's hidden in the shade, hiding under one of the dummies in a stack, in the hay. He can hear Niki's swift and precise sword cutting though the air. He can hear the small claps Eret does and his encouraging words and Niki's brittle harsh and cold remarks.

At least they're talking now.

_Somewhat._

He remains there, leaning against the stone wall and the shade helped him from not overheating. His stomach growls but he doesn't have any appetite to eat anything - he's stressing the fuck out - he doesn't have time to eat and relax. He stares into space, hearing the training door shut and it's just white noise.

But he pulls out a loaf of bread out of his pocket and nibbles on it, mindlessly, not really thinking about anything.

"-fond of him?"

"What? _No, of course not._ " Ah that's Clay's voice, they're walking towards the training grounds now, he can hear them approach.

"It's not _like I invited his whole family to stay safely here_ , Sapnap, what the hell do you think?" Clay hisses through his teeth, "Of course I grown fond of him, knucklehead."

"Well. It's just..." Sapnap trails off, they entered the hall now - but Tubbo remains where he is, securely hidden and just listening to dull conversation. It gives him something to focus on. Even though he can't see what they're doing, training most likely...?

"You never really cared for anyone after Fundy."

"Well." A awkward pause, "Things changed. He's clever as him. And strong. Very easy to manipulate. Stupid but intuitive."

"Mmhm." A snort, "Of course you try to get the upper hand on anyone you see. Of course."

"I like having leverage. Then at least I have something over them and they don't argue back." A sound of something unsheathing, a weapon of some kind, "I thought he would be perfect."

" _Thought?_ " Sapnap echoes, mimicking his friend in his exact tone, tauntingly, playfully.

"Yeah. But he reminds me too much of Fundy." A forced laugh, chuckle that was dry, "Too kind for his own good. Always worrying for someone else but himself. Makes me mad. I can't do it to him. There's no way - there's no way I can do that to him now."

There's a distinct sound of metal scrapping against a wooden shield, "You shouldn't like him. You know what's going to happen once Schlatt knows."

"Shut up, Sapnap. He's not my babysitter. He's not my dad. Just a dictator, a tyrant." There's more violent bangs, sharply falling in succession, rapidly, "I'll kill him myself before that idiot does."

"You're a psychopath. You think of him as a brother - yet you're willing to kill him if it comes to that?" Sapnap heckles, yelping as he raises his shield a bit too slow, Tubbo could see a drop of blood drip to the floor.

"Like you and George, I'll kill you guys before Schlatt gets something over me again." Clay's voice was detached, expressionless, he wonders what his face looks like - under that thin mask, "Never again."

Tubbo continues eating his bread, taking small circles and rolling them up with his fingers. He puts it in his mouth, doing it slowly and meticulously. He knows there's no chance of him being found - with how many things he was buried in.

He's having a really shit time focusing right now, with nothing but his thoughts, he tries to focus on something else when they leave, but there's nothing but static. Nothing but just a buzz in his head, a fuzz.

Tubbo finishes his bread and closes his eyes, sighing sadly as he tries to find peace in his sleep.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Scrapped ideas:
> 
> \- Niki and Dream were supposed to be dead. Like there was a part where I was thinking, what if I made them dead and they came back from The End - and that's how they knew about it. But it was scrapped due to the idea was stupid and too much to write about. There was instances where I was building up to it, such as a the monarch butterfly (Rebirth) on Niki or the fact that Dream smelled like citrus (Which is the smell of corpses (Don't ask me why I know.))
> 
> \- Sapnap was originally supposed to be a dragon - which would explain his clinginess to Dream and his cause for trouble, such as lighting the bedroom on fire or Dream reluctantly treating him like a kid rather than a friend when you first met him. I was going to add more elements onto him such as the fact that the horns that he paraded around were actually *his* horns and he cut them off to ensure his safety. To anyone else, such as Schlatt or Tubbo, he would seem like a deranged fanboy of dragons, thus creating a illusion that he was a scary man. Or the fact that he can breath out ice, which would represent their fire in their wishmakers.  
> Sapnap was supposed to be Dream's dragon, and his icy breath would reflect his heart, compared to Tubbo, who breathes fire, which is always why I associate fire with Tommy. Because despite all the tragedies that Tommy had to face, as one of the youngest members, he was always roaring with spirit.
> 
> Ty ty for all the kudos and the comments ^^ I'm glad you're enjoying the story...!


	21. Chapter 21

Tubbo was always the one that went and looked for the people that he needed.

When he had to tell Wilbur about the monsters under the bed, when he was little. Wilbur would have scooped him up, promising to fight anyone who dared to get within the walls.

When he demanded to know why Tommy had to leave for a week's time, for a mission on a corrupted noble who had dug is roots deeper than what they were anticipating. Tommy would exclaim that he had no choice and as future leader, he would have to take to take the measures necessary to protect this nation.

When he watched with a sorrowful expression as Techno left for the Artic, waving slowly as his red cape slowly vanished. Techno wouldn't turn around, no matter how hard Tubbo had waved.

He was always the one who cared too much. About what others thought of him, or what he thought of himself. How a dragon was supposed to act, seeking the release of passion, in violent ways or a more honorable way.

"I'm sorry!"

Yet, Tubbo isn't sure how to react when he sees Tommy approach him and screams out with his whole heart. His metal finger splint dangled from his side, as he bowed respectfully at Tubbo's still form, still under the hay dummy.

He hasn't moved. He had no motivation or energy to move, yet seeing Tommy in such a distressing situation sends pangs down his heart.

Dissociating is a hell of a drug, because he's not sure how long he's been here, but he's pretty damn sure the sun rose thirty minutes ago - and now the sun was rising again, shining above Tommy in a crooked manner.

His good fist was curled and Tommy's eyes were bunched up, closed so tightly, he can see the crystal droplets fall onto the stone bricks, right near his feet. He's standing well above above Tubbo, just overshadowing him, with the most heart-wrenching broken expression present on his face. His teeth was gritted, tightly clenched as he keeps his head down, so the young dragon could only see the crown of his head.

"Wha-" Tubbo starts, pushing the doll away from his chest, from piling over him, his voice dips into concern, "Tommy, what-" He calls out, baffled by the sudden display of distress on his friend. After all, he seemed drained, angry and empty in the forest when he said something back, something that was burning in his chest for the longest time.

"I promised myself that I was going to be honest with you but I- I don't fuckin- I don't know!" He chokes out, sputtering and stammering over his words, talking way too fast for him to understand. Tubbo stammers back, standing up firmly and gripping his friend's biceps, carefully.

"Tommy, calm down!" Tubbo tries again, but Tommy almost seemed to the point of tears. Hyperventilating and shit, reaching out with his own hands and grabbing the young dragon in a soul-crushing hug. Tubbo chokes on impact, violently flinching at the brutal grip. He taps him, "Tommy!" He yells.

The blond freezes, releasing his grip just a margin, but it's enough for Tubbo to wiggle out his arms and hug his head close to his chest. 

He sighs deeply, "Breath with me Tommy, Come on, big man. Follow me." He tries to breath in a rhythm, using his fingers and his tail to thump a steady beat for Tommy to calm down and it works somewhat. With a few occasional sniffles, the human was limp, holding onto Tubbo's waist like a lifeline as his own arms cradled Tommy's head gently to his chest.

And after a while, Tommy speaks, in a steady and drained voice. They're both against the stone walls now, hugging for the life of it, "I didn't know what to do."

"You were dying. You still are, it was selfish for me to spill my guts like this but. I didn't know what to do. I don't know what to do when someone I appreciate as my family starts dying, slowly. I never really experienced it. Fundy was the same way, slowly losing his vision until he couldn't see anymore, but still sticking around with us in the night, even though it was dangerous. And I knew - I knew I should have been more careful.

"It was for your own safety. Fundy died because he kept wanting to learn from Schlatt so I thought... If you went alone in the woods and found him, if you somehow got discovered, that was it. I was about to lose my best friend - but in the end I'm losing you anyways. You're dying, Tubbo." Tommy's arms squeeze a bit tighter, just a bit more grounding, "You're dying and there's nothing I can do about it." His voice cracks, but he keeps his face securely hidden, safely tucked away.

"...Yeah... I'm the same too, Tommy." Tubbo says above him, tucking his chin above Tommy's head, "Someone once told me that it was selfish for me to only consider my feelings about this. Where I always felt constricted and it was hard to breathe because you guys were hiding something from me. And I couldn't help, no matter how many times I tried.

"I didn't know what to do either...! I was stuck between trying to make it seem like I was happy when I wasn't. I tried to be helpful to the best of my abilities when I didn't even know what I was fighting for. It was either facing disappointment where I couldn't force myself to be happy or my own expectations that led me here." Tubbo closed his eyes with a soft, knowing smile, "I'm dying and I don't know what to do about it either."

"How are you so calm about it??" Tommy cries out, shaking him slightly, "You're dying Tubbo, doesn't that scare you...?"

"I think it'll be neat actually," Tubbo hums noncommittally, "Of course I'm afraid. I'm so scared of leaving you guys behind and letting you experience another Fundy. But if I fear the inevitable, won't I just be running from death? I heard that all humans and dragons die eventually." He cards his fingers though Tommy's hair, "I like to imagine that when it comes, I'll be ready."

"But then..." His best friend in the whole world shakes, trembling. And maybe that's a sign, because Tommy who never wavers in what he believes in. He always stood strong and proud of his position as the vice president, bravely standing by Wilbur, even though he wasn't as noticeable. Loud and brass, stupid but brave hearted.

"We won't be the heroes in the story anymore."

Tommy whispers faintly, pulling back and tugging Tubbo into his chest, resting his own chin above him. holding him like he was fragile - and he guesses he was in a way. He was dying, their words were right in the end, "And you might be okay with that - but I'll miss you a lot. You're my best friend, Tubbo. So please..."

Tommy tucks his head closer into his shoulder, and for once, Tubbo didn't feel like he was being belittled or looked down. His best friend, a human at that, probably one of the weaker species of the world, held him like he was the most fragile thing in the world. He didn't feel that condescending glare. Or this overwhelming need to be better than soeone, just to understand what it was like to be admired.

He felt loved.

"If you have nothing to live for, then live for yourself. for the future. For the things we can create together. Don't give up, Tubbo." The blond whispers against his shoulder, "Don't give up damn it - don't be so fucking nonchalant with it..."

Crying came as a natural talent to him, but it felt like these were heavier. He tucks himself in, wrapping his own arms back and just...

Let's go.

* * *

Four turns into one.

It's a miracle because Tubbo can't stop staring at the last flower, fully in bloom, fresh yellow bloom. But the rest had shriveled away in his bandage, hidden and tucked away.

He had so much anxiety building up over it, worried that it had grown back, the fifth one had grown ack when it was the other way around. He hadn't changed the bandaged since then, worried that there was going to be more - but instead it had decreased. He's not sure what drove it down but he's glad nonetheless.

Did it mean that he wasn't dying as much anymore?

He purses his lips, tucked in the bathroom and curls his hand in a fist, shaking his head and applying the bandages back on. He can't get optimistic here, he has to prepared for anything.

Including his untimely death.

* * *

_"Why do you always wear a mask around everyone else but me?" Tubbo asked dumbly as he sat on the edge of the roof with his dragon brethren. He kicks his legs in the chilly night air, watching as his red shoes heavily contrasted with the dark blue gloomy town below them._

_He's only about a month old, able to walk and talk somehow with a large lisp still in his words. "You always take it off when we're alone, why?"_

_Technoblade had his arm securely on his waist, so that he wouldn't fall as he blew on two cups of hot coco for the two of them, the white whisper of smoke still curled up and danced around with the stars. He had his mask off, tucked on the side, his thumb in one of the eyes so that it doesn't slip off and fly in the middle of the night._

_Tubbo sways back and forth, glancing worriedly at the window then back to Technoblade, "Are you hiding how pretty you look?" Tubbo ponders, leaning towards him with a worried crease, "If Wilbur looks for us again, you'll get caught."_

_"No." The pink haired male had said, handing his mitten wrapped mug to Tubbo, careful so that his little fingers had a firm grip on them as he took a long sip of his, "I'm facing away from the window. They won't see it."_

_"Why are you hiding it?" Tubbo asked again a child like curiosity firms on his head, tilting his head innocently, unaware of Techno's side glance filled with distain._

_"A sign of trust." A long sip then a big sigh, a light grey cloud fades into the air, "You're the only one whose seen my face in years."_

_"Trusting a small child is probably a bad idea." Tubbo chirps quietly, raising his mug to his lips and sighing in relief as the warmth invaded his body, warming the tip of his fingers, "I'll tell everyone how pretty you look."_

_Techno snorts fondly, shaking his head and placing his hand on Tubbo's, ruffling his hair messily, "Stupid."_

* * *

_The scene changes. It's back in the end, where most of his dreams usually lie. But this time, it was different. There was an earth shattering shriek, shaking the ground. Philza was gone, nothing left of his usual spot. Not even an indication that he was still there. No rags or anything._

_"Endy." Tubbo feels the world drop from his feet. He collapses on the ground, "Endy, where's Philza?"_

_There's no answer._

_There's not even an indication that there was someone under the trapdoor._

_"Endy?" Tubbo calls out carefully, softly, "Philza?"_

_Nothing._

* * *

Bleary eyed, Tubbo slowly rises from the large plush bed, untangling himself from the heavy blue duvet.

Groaning, he grabs his head as a headache rips though his skull, sending tremors down his body. He shivered, shaking as he looks around, spotting the open window and the heavy windy draft.

Why was he here again? Why was the window open again?

...

_Ah that's right._ Tubbo yawned stretching outwards and reaching for the sky.

After they had their little crying session, they retired to their room, where they both took a nap, exhausted from the heart to heart. Tommy was beside him, curled up and hugging the pillow in a tight bear grip.

There was still tear streaks down his face, dried up into nothing but crust. Was Tommy still upset?

Tubbo leans over, about to wipe it away when he's heavily startled by two sturdy arms wrapped around him and pulling him halfway out the bed. They slip over and firmly around his mouth, keeping him from screaming in shock as he's gently tugged away from the bed.

He squeaks, tilting his head upwards to see Techno's strawberry hair dangling from his face. A pink cutesy pig mask stared back into his soul, different from the deer one.

Had he changed masks _again?_

"Techno?" His voice is muffled by Techno's white gloved hand. Tubbo reaches up, gently prying away his hand, "Are you- How did you- Are you okay?"

Techno tilts his head curiously, like a wolves, staring down at the young dragon with a sense of uncertainty. He doesn't respond - just stays staring at him. Techno seemed mostly unhurt. The brown haired male checked around, pressing lightly around to see any bruised flesh or anything.

Nothing. There's nothing wrong with him, but he refuses to say anything.

"Techno..." Tubbo whispers, aware of Tommy's sleeping presence by a snort, trembling as he cradles his brother's face between his hands, "What's wrong?" He tried to coax him, but the elder dragon doesn't respond the way he hopes he does.

Instead, Techno replicates the same thing, cradling Tubbo's head gently. He brushes a stray brown strand in his eye and stares back. Was he trying to say something with his eyes? He doesn't know morse code and Techno wasn't even blinking, just chillingly staring at him.

"Why aren't you saying anything?" He lets go, tugging lightly on Techno's coat, his black wings pop out, folded gently against his body. They don't open on impact, to show off. Techno loved to show off, he loved the praise.

He never missed an opportunity to make Tubbo smile, when he was younger.

Tubbo pauses, pursing his lips firmly, trying to think, "Do you want me to get Niki or wake up Tommy?" He asks, already reaching to shake Tommy. He flinches as Techno snatches his hand away, tugging it closer and clasping them together.

The young dragon frowns, "I... I don't know what you want, what's wrong? Why won't you talk?" Tommy stirs slightly, making Tubbo clam up. He shuffles around, quietly adjusting himself then falling back asleep.

Techno shakes his head, finally making some sense as he presses his his index finger against the mask's snout, indicating that he should be silent. The pink haired dragon lets out a heavy sigh, realizing that he should actually say something. He opens Tubbo's hand, raising his index finger pressing it lightly against his palm.

GLAD YOU ARE SAFE. He traces lightly on his palm, ALL I WANTED.

He lets go of him, letting it fall down by his side, taking a step back.

His teeth are gritted, grinding against one another, like he wants to say something but stops and shakes his head again! It's frustrating - but he can't do anything if Techno doesn't tell him. Tubbo awkwardly stands in the middle, expectantly waiting for him to do something. Anything.

A hand clamps on his hair, ruffling it and pulling him into a warm embrace. Then just as quickly as it came, Techno backs away, throwing his cape back over his wings and hops out the window, leaving Tubbo standing awkwardly in the middle of the room.

_What the hell was that?_

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> *Slow jazzes away out of existence*


	22. Chapter 22

_"Endy..." Tubbo called out forlornly, crumbling to his knees. It's been five days since he's last seen them. And in truth, he can't help but keep worrying. Because usually, Endy liked staying under that spruce door, he never strayed away from it from all those days. And Philza, last he's seen him, he was too weak to even move, determined to save his strength._

_And now they were gone..._

_He worries, he bites his nails as he sits on the glossy purple tiles. His hand reaches over to the spot where the former king was - an empty space. Because no matter what, he should have been here, he should have been at this place. He's always here, he's always been here!_

_So why...?_

_"...Where are you Phil?" That's not his voice. A dull monotonous voice rings out from outside, outside out into the void. Tubbo shakily stands up, peeking over the doorframe to see a familiar man, no longer donning the mask. Instead he was just holding the mask and diamond sword in his hand, glaring down at the spot where Philza was. As if it had wronged him somehow and he was angry with it._

_Technoblade._

_It feels wrong when he says his full name, so he prefers the Techno part - where it wasn't much of a problem._

_"Phil." Techno walks right up to him, walking though him, like he was a ghost, that he wasn't a part of the world. A different plane of reality._

_"If you're not here." Techno hisses angrily, throwing his sword down with a loud clatter. His other hand was gripping his crown tightly, there's little crushing indents in it, "What the hell am I doing here then...? What was the whole point. I saw you here..." Techn's voice comes out shakily, small short breaths, "I saw you here..."_

_Techno repeats his words, as if they'll change something. He's holding his head as he sits down across from Philza's little corner, he's covering half his face with his claw, careful not to dig into his soft flesh._

_"I know I saw you here. You were right here, I finally came for you. Yet..." There's a pause, he can't see his expression, was Techno here? Or was actually there, in the end? Tubbo didn't know - he's long given up on making sense of his dreams. But this felt... real somehow. He can feel the regret and negative emotions from here, he can feel it slam against his chest and grind down his bones._

_His hands grip tighter and tighter, crushing his small crown into a ball of wrinkled gold metal. He tosses outside with a scoff of disbelief, "I knew it, I just didn't want to accept it. I had to find you, I had found the place where you were - so where...?"_

_"For you... Anything Phil. Anything, so please." Techno crumbles just like him, covering his face and throws his red cape over his head, hiding in his cloak. His voice is a broken shiver, quiet, "Just tell me what the hell I'm fighting for - I don't know. I don't know."_

_"Just!" Techno slams his fist against the endstone, creating a crater into the brick, a hole in the building. The cold air of the end fills the room, but it's nothing compared to the burning rage in his eyes. The elder dragon huffs a bitter laugh, "I saw him, I know I saw him! I'm not dumb, chat! I'm not! He was here! HE WAS HERE, STOP SAYING HE WASN'T!"_

_"Techno-"_

_"I wanted to find to Schlatt, if he really did kill you in here..." Tubbo freezes, his mind wandering back to when Techno had this unreadable expression, where he wouldn't talk to him no matter how many times the younger dragon had tried. Lost in his mind, trying to make sense of the unrealistic reality, "In case I couldn't come back. But you're not even here."_

_Tubbo's vision is becoming blurry, his form was dissipating, he was waking up--_

_"What was even the point...?" Techno whispered brokenly, wringing his hands together tightly just above his head._

* * *

"We have to get over to L'manberg." Dream replies in a hurry, striding past the younger dragon with a couple steps, carrying supplies. Niki trails after him, panting as she shoves all of their belongings into the cart, where the horses were. "Wilbur hasn't responded in any of my letters, there's not a peep of L'manberg anywhere - there's nothing from them..." 

Huh?

"Nothing?" Tubbo echoes, gripping his hoodie sleeve tightly, holding him back from moving, "What do you mean nothing?"

"Meaning nothing!" Dream shouts urgently, grabbing his arm in a harsh grip. His eyes were narrow, set on a determined path. Tubbo keeps up, nearly tripping over his own feet as he looks up at his friend expectantly, "I know Wilbur usually ignores me - but it's... it's different." 

"What do you mean!?" Tubbo tries to dig his heels into the ground but the human was still tugging him along. He was still weak compared to them - and it's strange! He's able to harm one of the most dangerous supposed immortal dragon with a diamond decoration axe - but he wasn't able to tug his arm out of here!? "Clay!"

"Doesn't matter, we all need to go _now_." He throws him in a back of a truck, along with a fuming Niki and a silent Tommy. They're both sitting in the back, gripping their weapons' with a bruising white knuckled grip., We'll stop for a breather later, it'll take us three days to go over there. I sent Sapnap earlier to he'll meet us in between."

"Can you at least tell me what's going on?" Tubbo asked, standing up and attempting to meet him in the middle - Dream held out a hand, "I don't want to be in the dark anymore! Let's work together, in a team!"

"We-" Dream looks in his face, pausing, "Fine. Whatever." Its hard to see his expression with his mask, but by his tone, he seemed annoyed but resigned. He climbs in, shoving Tubbo in and leans out to shout, "Get the carriage moving Eret! I'm in the back!"

He hears a muffled confirmation from the front and the vehicle they're on creak forward. He can feel every bump and ridge nearly perfectly as he looked at the three expectantly. Tommy had his head in his arms, leaning down and gripping his sword tightly, while Niki was pointily looking away from him, her dainty little hands resting on her bow and arrow respectively.

Dream whips his head back, "You're still gonna avoid telling him, aren't you." He hisses, tilting his head towards them with tense shoulders, "If you won't tell him, I will. He's learning either way. You're welcomed to add any bits I miss."

"Shut up bitch." Tommy snaps at him, letting go of his sword and pointing an accusing finger at him, "You don't know why we're hiding it! You weren't there, you don't know how he was like! You never even met Technoblade!"

"I know enough to tell you his motives! Isn't that enough!?" Dream stands up, using his height to seem taller than everyone in the cart, "It's more than what you guys have ever told him!"

"Wasn't he trying to find Philza?" Tubbo piped in, squeezing between the two tense adults, standing aggressively before one another. Tommy was crouched as if he was about to fucking kick into action, while Dream had his neck tilted up, mocking him to start attacking. He holds out his hands, chuckling in nervousness, feeling the air sizzle, "C'mon guys..."

Dream let out a harsh laugh, "Is that what they told you? They're under Wilbur, of course they woul-"

"Stop." Niki looked at Dream. She lets an icy smile slip on her face, taking all of the air in the room out in an instant, "Are you trying to separate us or are we working together?"

"Don't think you're innocent here, Miss ice queen." Niki's eyes twitch at the nickname, but Dream continues, "You're just as guilty as Tommy, here."

"Oh like you're any better?" Niki stands up as well, slowly stepping to him and raising her eye level to his. Her golden hair falls over her shoulder, placing a finger to her chin, "I don't recall you ever telling Techno about Schlatt's true nature either. You wanted it to happen, didn't you? You purposely avoided him - you let this happen."

"The hell are you talking about?" Dream scoffs, Tubbo has a feeling he's rolling his eyes behind that mask of his, "I wanted him to die? Are you serious right now?"

"Yeah!" Tommy slips into the conversation, jumping up and down, swinging his sword widely with his gestures, "You're just as guilty as us, don't act like you're the goo-"

"At least I'm trying to unite the nation together!"

"After you _tore_ it apart! You set off the TNT!"

"You.... _Argh!_ " Dream grabs the side of his head, shaking it, "How else was I going to find the fucking portal? Huh? You wanted me to ask good oh Schlatt, to tell me where you guys were captive or did you want me to leave you all to die?"

"Fundy died. Philza did too." Niki chirps, smiling sinisterly as she reaches up and pats Dream's shoulders mockingly in a condescending way, "But it's okay! You leaving us to repair ourselves is jus-"

"Can you all just _shut up_ for a moment?" Tubbo feels himself asking quietly, as he looks up at them. He hates being so significantly smaller than everyone. He doesn't have a loud voice like Tommy. He can't cut the air like Niki. And he was nowhere as tall as Dream, but he too, wanted a voice. He finds his voice in a mess of arguing, and they all fall silently, looking at him.

"Niki's right, we're trying to do this together, so why are we... why are we fighting?" Tubbo looks between all of them, with an exasperated sigh, "I'm sure we're all tired. But the past is the past - we don't need to repeat it again. Let's work on repairing it the best we can, okay? Let's all be friends here, okay?"

"...Tubbo. You do understand that it isn't just... a work together deal, right?" Dream says carefully, looking down at him, "The fact of the matter is they're still hiding things from you, doesn't that bother you?"

"Of course it does! I'm always being undermined and unnoticed, of course it bothers me!" Tubbo cries out, throwing his hands beside him, "But we can't force it out! And it's okay because I hide things from them too! I'm just as guilty! We're all guilty here!"

They stand there for a moment, everyone falls silent as they look at the floor, in anger. At themselves or at one another. They know he's right, Tubbo knows he's right.

Tubbo falls to the floor first, sitting carefully as the others look at one another uneasily, following his motion. He reaches for their hands, a grounding point of some kind. He smiles at them, kindly.

"Let's talk, shall we?"

* * *

"So... you found him."

Wilbur doesn't have to turn around in his chair to know that Techno has his old mask on, the cute piglet one, one he had wore as a kid. He's standing at the door, gripping his sword tightly. Wilbur was at his desk, looking outside the window that Tubbo had jumped out of, at the night sky. 

The low cut moon hung sadly above it's sky, waning over as the days went by.

Oh how the days went by.

"I knew... that it was going to lead to this. It's why I told you that he was in the artic." Wilbur turns around and it feels like he's the bad guy of the story. Turning around in the end with his hands folded, as he looks at Schlatt and Techno. Schlatt has a pursed smile on his lips while Techno's was unreadable.

He wore that same mask when he was following the elder dragon, trying to seem gentle with the kids while following Schlatt's blood orders.

Techno towered over Schlatt, his form huffing and panting, his cloak was soaked in blood. There's bodies in the hallway.

_Was this how he died?_

"You never relinquished control he had over you. No matter how hard I tried to send you away, for your own good. For Tubbo's good, I knew. I knew you were so dead set on finding Philza, you didn't mind the cost." Wilbur narrowed his eyes at his former coworker, who shrugs, "You didn't mind working with the man who emotionally manipulated you into doing his bidding as long as you could find Philza again."

"Techno here, knows he's done a good thing." There it was, that head pat, as Schlatt reaches up and pets the pink haired dragon. His wings flutter in response, in appreciation.

"My ultimate killing machine." Schlatt grins broadly at Wilbur, showering himself in victory as he watches the brunette stand up, "You truly have sent me back, by sending him so far before I could convince him that I knew where Philza was."

"I knew it was a bad idea to let you stay here. I should have fought harder for you to go back to the Artic. I should have kept convincing you that Schlatt was there, so you don't have to bring yourself back under his control." Wilbur finds himself walking to Techno, reaching out and gently placing his hand on his shoulder.

"I'm sorry." Wilbur whispers an apology, hugging Techno's form tightly. He rests his head on the dragon's shoulder, developing his arms between his cloak and around his shirt, "I tried to protect you, but in the end..."

He chokes as a clawed hand grips his own shoulder, tearing it a bit. His uniform snags under the nails, he feels the burning white pain. He keeps his easygoing smile on his face as he allows his body to rest on his friend's. 

Wilbur looks up to see hollow sockets for eyes. His eyes were gouged out, just like Fundy’s, "You can't even see that you're being used again. You..."

He feels his eyes closing, "You never held that much love for humans, anyways, have you?"

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> :D
> 
> Edit: Added a bit more clarity to Techno at the end, yes, his eyes were taken. 2. Whoever said “The child who was never embraced by the village will burn it to feel a semblance of warmth.” In the first chapter as a prediction was partially true. It wasn’t to Tubbo tho ehehe
> 
> Edit #2: I spend the whole month thinking “yeah this makes sense” because I wanted it to be a metaphor on losing sight of what techno was aiming for — BUT I HAVE NO FUCKING IDEA HOW TO MOVE ON. Let’s just say it’s from Wilbur’s prospective, okay? He just sees Techno eyeless now, because he lost the plot like how I did. I’ll also address it in the next chapter - I’m sorry for the confusion.  
>  I am a full ass adult but it doesn’t mean that I think.


	23. It

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hi! A bit of /// animal death/// and a small disclaimer regarding last chapter. Had to do some changes.
> 
> Techno has his eyes still. I take back what I did last and he still has eyes. Do not worry. I realized I could not advance unless he has his red eyes and I like red. Wilbur just saw what he thought he saw in the heat of the moment.

Tommy woke up in a fully furnished nation, but it didn’t mean everything was perfect. The idealism of perfection was something he strived to be, he wanted to be as perfect as Wilbur, who donned the idea of helping a king, the great Philza minecraft in leading!

How could he not?

Admiration and earnest hard work always brought home the score - so why didn’t he ever seem like he ever accomplished anything?

He’s always been in Techno’s shadow, some fuckin dragon that Philza brought home one day. Some stupid red eyed kid who just kept looking down at him, like he was inferior. But they did have one thing in common.

They looked up to Philza as their guiding light. A gentle hand lent out to them and they accepted it.

Tommy knew that he didn’t want any stupid looking crown. He knew that he wasn’t looking for power.

Why the hell would he need power if he had friends to back his shit up?

So if Techno wanted that position, he could have it. He doesn’t care.

He just wants to be as good as him.

But dragons were stupidly overpowered. Way too ambitious and cruel, from the way he’s seen Schlatt control his side of the nation Philza made. Techno was the same.

He’ll never forgive him.

* * *

Why was he so scared of him? Why was he letting Niki cover him, holding him so tightly like he was weak. He can fight him if he wants to, he can break his bones.

Techno held the stone sword over the dead bird, the blood dripping down.

Dragons were cruel creatures. That much is said due to his eyes, soaked with blood, glaring down at them passively. Technoblade looks at them. Emotionless. Expressionless.

Horrible.

“I don’t get it…” Techno drawls slowly, tilting his head as he holds the sword up to his face, looking at red, the color of a mad man, “I feel happy but sad when you two look at me like that. I don’t get it.”

He kicks a rock at them, letting it skip over a crack and resting near Niki’s foot.

“I hate you two.” He mumbles right under his breath, turning swiftly and allowing his cape to filter behind him, “You’re annoying.”

Niki’s still whispering to him, cradling his head against her chest as tears slowly descended his face. Anger, jealousy and annoyance.

He killed Mr. Twittle. And they were annoying? He murdered a small animal! Right in front of him! Right in front of Niki! She had blood on the side of her face, yet she was holding him and comforting him since he was smaller.

But he should be reliable and be comforting her - he was the stronger one, he had to be strong.

He remains tucked in, hugging Niki with his small hands, sobbing as he sees Schlatt outside, through the dirty greenhouse window. Patting Techno a good job well done and spite grows in his chest.

And it keeps building.

* * *

If Tommy had to name Techno, he would call him Violent. Despite the fact that Techno was merely only about two years old, since Philza brought him in, he was towering over them all with a boring face with boring monotonous vibes and a glare that could kill far away.

Techno was violent. He came home with bloodstains on his claws and the smell of death litters the halls. He liked fire and despised humans, judging from the way he glared at him and Niki.

But Wilbur always gave him a chance, saying, “He’s not as bad as you think.” Or “It’s not him, he just doesn’t know how to talk with you two, give the big guy a chance.” He says with a smile and a swing. A hand on his back and a pat on the head, he’s a kid that will follow his footsteps.

Wilbur was kind. He always was there, even when he didn’t need to be. He offered a hand to him even though he was so adamant on making it on his own. Before he realized that he could lean on people.

So for Wilbur’s sake. He will try for him. He will try to be friendly.

But against all odds, this was really fucking annoying.

“Techno! My foot is stuck in the chimney!” He cries out, trying to shake off his foot as Techno just casts him a bored stare, turning halfway, “WILL YOU PLEASE HELP ME!?”

“I told you I could have carried you up here, but you insisted on climbing.” Techno scoffs under his cute piggy mask. His boney wings flutter slightly, blowing air into his face and making him shiver more, “It’s not my fault you’re stuck.”

“Oh come on! Big man, Mr. Prince, sir. Pleaaaase help me, I’m gonna die!”

“I’ll leave you here.” Techno doesn’t even look at him anymore, looking off at the sunset.

They’re on the rooftop, dressed in a red outfit and carefully avoiding the snow and ice so they don’t slip. Techno was dressed with a white beard and Tommy had the sack on his back and his thick black boots stuck in the fucking chimney.

“Oh my goooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooood!!! You’re such a dick!”

* * *

Dragons were fucking weird.

He can see it on how Techno preens his wings, leaning on the right and trying to get the papers that pass him off it, grimacing as the papers stick when they’re wet from the morning. He barely reaches out, careful not to scratch his wings off with his talons then just gives up, mumbling how he should have brought his cape.

Tommy huffs, rolling his eyes and ducking under there, snagging the loose papers and balling it up to toss away in the trash.

And Techno looks incredibly touched, looking at him like he grew a second head. His mouth hangs off a bit and he holds a talon to his heart.

Tommy tries to hide the smirk as he passes him, “Alright big man! Which house now?”

* * *

They finish being the big man in the sky for the day and return home. And they don’t talk about what happened. This happens everyday, they walk past one another. Tommy sneers at him. Techno scoffs.

Wash, rinse, and repeat.

Tommy claps when he walks by. Techno noogies him and messes up his hair.

Wash, rinse, repeat.

Techno pats him on the shoulder, “You’re doing good kid.”

Tommy smiles at him, “Yeah I know.”

Wash rinse… repeat?

Techno’s eyes are haunted. Stressed and worried as he picks at his hair, pulling it at the seams. He’s curled up on the hallway, muttering under his breath about something unkillable. Someone.

There’s blood on his hands.

There’s a finger next to him.

Tommy sits across from him, completely ignoring him as he fiddles with his collar. He stays within eyesight of the big dragon, who can’t seem to calm down, trying to hold in his panicked breathing.

He keeps his look away, as Techno stares at him, covering his mouth, his piggy mask stares back intimidatingly. But he stays here.

Until he calms down.

Until he gets his barings.

Tommy isn’t aware of what happened, but at some point, he must have fallen asleep. Because he blinks and the next moment he’s in his bed, tucked in lovingly, like a child. Techno was beside him, sitting in a chair, washed up and clean like nothing never happened.

He doesn’t know how to comfort someone. He doesn’t have the slightest idea what the fuck to do when someone’s upset other than distracting someone. But at the very least, he can be there for them.

Even though he hates Techno, he’s starting to see Wilbur’s point.

Techno isn’t a bad person.

* * *

He, Niki and Fundy often try to invite him out to go hang. To play salmon jumping or just drawing on the sidewalk, he didn’t care, he just wanted him to join them. He’d hate being left out in any situation - so he thought he’d be kind enough to offer a hand.

But he was always with Schlatt!

Motherfucker was always with Schlatt, just because they were dragons together and he thinks it’s bullshit. Just because they were the same species doesn’t mean that he can be left out!

So despite Techno and Wilbur telling him it was a bad idea, he tagged along with Techno and Schlatt on their daily hunting trip. Despite the fact that Techno strongly discouraged it, he didn’t care, he didn’t care if he was human, he just wanted to spend time with him, to see why - why he was so upset that day.

“Hunt.” Is all Schlatt says and it’s like a switch had been flipped.

It’s like all rationality drained from Technoblade as he sets his eyes on a stray rabbit and tears it apart with his claws. It doesn’t even let out a squeak as the claw digs into it’s skin and mauls it to death within a second.

The deer stood no chance either as Techno grabs it by the neck and tosses it down on the ground. His thick boots snap on it’s spine, leaving a bloody mess as Tommy takes a shuddering step back, his hand going to his mouth - horrified.

It wasn’t hunting for food. It wasn’t for survival, they had no idea what they were doing there. But they were being slaughtered.

For fun.

“Beautiful, isn’t it?” 

Schlatt says something from beside him, bending his knees, “It’s a natural killing machine. The minute I say something, it becomes obedient. He listens to me like I’m the leader, like I should be.”

A hand rests on his shoulder and Techno snaps to him, his red stained eyes narrowing over Tommy, like he’s the threat, “Weak ones like you won’t be missed.”

* * *

“We need to get Schlatt away from here. Away from us.” Tommy states, his eyes lowered as he looks down at his stomach, where bandages littered it. Wrapped tightly around it, it aches from where he was stabbed, “Away from Techno.”

“I know. Trust me, I know. I’ll go to Phil the moment you recover.” Wilbur says sadly, wetly with tears streaming down as he holds onto his hand like a life line, “I know. I know. This should finally be enough to convince him.”

But did he know? Did he know all along on how Techno was being treated? Like a small animal? Like- like some killing machine!?

Techno was… kind. As stupid and amazingly violent he was, Techno was a man of his word. And a small part of him admired him for it.

And even though.. They were dragons. It didn’t mean that - they were weapons of destruction. All his life, he’s been raised to think that dragons were ambitious but it never meant that they were cruel.

Dragons were stupidly overpowered, but they were not tools of destruction.

* * *

“I feel like in another timeline, if I were not human, I would beat you to death with my bare fist.” Dream says, muffled behind his mask, “If you didn’t look so pitiful.”

Dream was dressed in his usual attire, a green hoodie with jeans, casual clothing as he strolled leisurely in, without a care. He was always wearing that mask, even after he became a knight under Wilbur.

For whatever reason, even though Schlatt was the one to call him son, he actively avoided him with a scowl. Tense whenever he entered the room - but they knew each other. So he only could assume that Dream was the unwillingly adopted son of Schlatt.

“Shut the fuck up, pussy boy.” Tommy glances at him, from the side of eyes, “What are you doing here in the first place?”

“Looking for Fundy actually.” Dream looks around, peering around in the hospital room, “Where is he? Is he hiding?”

“No fuckin idea.” Tommy mumbles, sinking back down in the sheets, “Fuck off.”

“I have no idea why you’re so mean to me.” Dream shifts into his playful voice, one where he would call out taunts when they chased him down during tag, “What’s wrong Tomathy? Did Fundy take your blankets again?”

“Did you know that your dad is a right out asshole?”

Dream stiffens, freezing entirely as his eyes trail down his torso and at the bandages, “...oh.”

“Yeah,  _ oh.” _ Tommy scoffs, rolling his eyes as Dream begins to grab his arms, fiddling with his ring, a ring that Fundy gave them during their fake engagement, “He’s using Techno as like some fucki-”

“Where’s Fundy?” His tone shifts into a more serious one, “Where’s fucking Fundy!?” He begins to shout, rushing out the door, slamming his arm out on the door.

Tommy blinks, looking after his figure and sighing in annoyance.

Why was everyone such a dramatic bitch these days?

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hello! If you are catching up, this is in the past and this is technically tommy and Dream explaining the exact events that lead up to what happened to Fundy and Philza! From Tommy's perspective. 
> 
> I also referenced what happened in Tommy's march 1 stream too, an idea haha. I lack empathy for him which I apologize for - but I do feel a bit sad for what happened. Wish Tommy got proper closure - but I bet he will bounce back as a take no shit ghost and not an amnesic like Wilbur.
> 
> If you liked it, consider leaving a comment? I'll be glad to hear about it! ^^

**Author's Note:**

> Hi hi! Here's a story where I took bits of Lieat, a cute RPG game about mythical beings that come from wishes. The stronger the wish, the stronger the Dragon. Often, they have supernatural abilities depending on the wish.
> 
> I hope you enjoyed! If you liked it, don't be shy to drop a comment and tell me how you'd like this idea!!! ^^ It'll help me a lot haha.
> 
> 1 month = 2 human years.
> 
> Tubbo is only like 8 months old but 16 in human years if you're confused.
> 
> Come holler at me at Xernia_paroxysm on insta. In case you wanna see like concept art n stuff uwu.


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